“The Artist,” “The Descendants,” Meryl and George Win Big at the 2012 Golden Globe Awards

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Hollywood’s wildest night was a bit on the tame side as the 2012 Golden Globes lapsed into occasional coma. Host Ricky Gervais was more well-behaved and seemingly less drunk this year than last — a bad decision on both counts —  though there was some well-played shtick regarding Jodie Foster‘s Beaver. The stars, however, came prepared with their own jokes with the best comeback of the night courtesy of Best Original Song winner, Madonna. After being introduced by Gervais, Madge quipped: “If I’m just like a virgin, Ricky why don’t you come over here and do something it? I haven’t kissed a girl in quite a few years…” A collective snap arose from the Beverly Hilton after the Material Girl dropped that sass bomb, though to be fair, she’s been on a roll as of late. The rest of the night was a series of mild shock — mostly thanks to Angelina Jolie‘s inspiring scary skeletal frame — and even milder surprises thanks to a few upsets in the TV category where shows no one watches nabbed some of the top prizes while  in the film category. No one was shocked, however, when Meryl Streep won Best Actress in a Drama, except Meryl Streep, who garnered another Globe for that reaction on her way up to accept for The Iron Lady. Full list of winners after the jump!

Best Motion Picture — Drama - The Descendants

Best Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical - The Artist

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama - George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama - Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical - Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical -  Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn (meanwhile, calling it right now — Oscar)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture - Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture - Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Screenplay — Motion Picture - Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

Best Director — Motion Picture - Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Animated Feature Film – The Adventures of Tintin

Best Foreign Language Film – A Separation (Iran)

Best Original Score — Motion Picture – The Artist

Best Original Song — Motion Picture – “Masterpiece”, W.E.

Best Television Series — Drama - Homeland

Best Television Series — Comedy or Musical - Modern Family (best acceptance speech of the night)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series — Drama - Kelsey Grammer, Boss

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series — Drama - Claire Danes, Homeland

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series — Comedy or Musical - Matt Leblanc, Episodes

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series — Comedy or Musical - Laura Dern, Enlightened