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Okay, fine, so Brother Jimmy’s is kind of a glorified dive frequented by men wearing pink shirts with popped collars, but still, if you’re being paid to show up someplace, at least try to look like you didn’t pull on one of Talan or Stephen’s old gym tees and called it a night.  Other celebs have pulled off similar looks with aplomb simply by accessorizing properly; a fedora (to deal with the flat hair, natch) and some carefully selected jewelry would have turned this look from a fashion f*ck up into something acceptable.

The above is actually part of an exhibit currently on display by artist Julie Rrap at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Sydney, Australia.  I’m no art critic but I imagine this shot in particular is intended to be a commentary on society/fashion/image perception and their effects on women.  It’s thought provoking for sure (and again … rather eerie) but I know for a fact that wearing shoes with a slight heel is better for you than wearing any sort of flat shoe other than a sneaker.  So, thanks but no thanks.  And give me back my platforms.

Image copyright of the artist.

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]]> http://fashionindie.com/say-hello-to-the-shorts-suit/feed/ 0 http://fashionindie.com/fashion-rant-high-priced-idiocy-courtesy-of-chanel/ http://fashionindie.com/fashion-rant-high-priced-idiocy-courtesy-of-chanel/#comments Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:28:00 +0000 lins http://fashionindie.com/?p=6360 The latest addition to Chanel’s line of sportswear includes a luxury angler kit.  As in fly-fishing.  Now, I’m going to put myself out there and show that I know a little too much about fishing while I explain my numerous problems with this.  The kit includes a fishing rod, black and white flies complete with the looping double C’s of the Chanel logo, and is ensconced in a large quilted lambskin case (from the piccy,  looks like the strap is also the signature metal chain …).

So, why fishing?  Supposedly Coco Chanel was a big fan salmon fishing in Norway (which you have to do in saltwater, so you can’t flyfish, meaning the flies provided in the kit can’t be used for Coco’s fave pasttime, but that’s another story).  Something tells me she didn’t bait her own hooks and that the messier, smellier side of fishing was never explained to those haute folks on the design team at Chanel.  Not only will that quilted lambskin stink after a few fishing expeditions, but it sure isn’t going to hold up well to water (flyfishing is best done in the early morning, when there is generally a lot of moisture in the air.  And you stand in the water, wearing waders, which are ridiculously un-fashionable).  My final, enormous problem with this exorbitantly expensive piece of sporting vanity is that there are different types of flies for each fish, and while I’m not an expert, something tells me that a trout isn’t going to be attracted to the Chanel logo on the flies in the same way that Upper East Side princesses are.  In the unlikely event that a fashionable fish is paddling around out there, it will probably eat the lure and escape with it, as fish are often wont to do.

P.S. Having grown up in a coastal area with lots of fishermen, it’s pratically di rigeur that you toss back a few beers, preferably something that comes in the always classy 30-rack.  Natty Light and Chanel?  It’s a match made in heaven …

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Then came the Prada miniskirt/tutu (though they claim it’s a belt … whatever) …

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… and the Manolo slingback.

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Now, we have the Fendi wedge

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And, because it has the potential to burn the retinas of everyone in a 25-mile radius when worn by someone not as cut as this strapping young fellow, the mankini (also, there is something else odd going on but I’m too tasteful to explicitly point it out):

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Now, I’m all for experimental fashion and I love it when a guy can carry off pink, or purple, or a punchy paisley … but this is going a little overboard.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are officially my new favorite people.  Why, you may ask, would such two colossal wastes of space earn such high levels of my esteem?  The answer, dear readers, is because I can always count on H&S for comedic entertainment.  Take, for example, the video of Heidi’s first “song”:

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=TOavqZbxj18[/youtube]

And guess who it was filmed by? None other than her eternal beloved/manager Spencer.

But, it gets better, because nothing is funnier than laughing at someone else’s delusions of greatness.  Heidi and Spencer have formed their own record label so that Heidi can release a full-length album (subtext: no one else would release it).  Spencer says “We’re financing [the album] ourselves on a shoestring budget … It’s so organic.”  Spencer, cupcake– there’s nothing organic about Heidi, most of all her rack.

Check out Heidi’s latest track “Fashion.”

1.  Wear underwear

2.  Skirts and dresses must be no more than two inches above the knee

3.  No fake tanning.

4.  Nothing strapless, nothing off-the-shoulder and no halter dresses allowed. All straps need to be at least an inch wide

5.  A hat or substantial fascinator (think SJP’s head sculpture) must be worn by ladies. It must be big enough to cover the crown of the head.  (No word on a height limit though)

6. Morning dress in black or grey only is required for men, including top hat and waistcoat.  No brown shoes.

Anna Piaggi, your people are waiting for you …

In classical dance, you begin ballet classes with the dream of someday advancing to en pointe, also known as the style of ballet where you wear extra uncomfortable shoes with plaster toes that do terrible things to your feet while making you look unspeakably elegant. It makes a kind of sense, then, that this would translate well to the fashion world; we started off with the tame ballet flat, modeled upon the ballet slipper, but now certain designers are designing footware that bear an increasingly strong resemblance to pointe shoes (and this is to say nothing of ankle-ribbons). Take note of the super blunt, squared-off toes (though I’d imagine they are less painful than the dance version):

Tashkent by Cheyenne

Apepezza Brigitta

Delman Cruise

Frye Clementine

Jessica Simpson Levish

Biviel BV1221

Tashkent by Cheyenne Owen

It seems as though the designer is English as well, so why the prudish attitude toward nudity? That’s totally the territory of the US of A.

Ah, Johnny Depp. That man takes his fashion cues from days past and damn, he looks good.

Men, would ya wear these looks?

As always, the tailoring is meticulous and Khan consistently strikes the perfect balance between bold fabrics (in both color and pattern) and the intricate detail work that is something of a signature. Perhaps more so than any other Resort collection I’ve seen within the past few seasons, each look immediately makes me think of a fabulous event in an exotic locale where it could be worn (and, I can dream that it would be worn by me). Fave shots below (especially that last one, swoon), courtesy of Style.com:

Take a look at two examples below:

Sir Alistair Rai Long Wrap Scarves $95 at Intuition LA, or $120 at Intermix

Large “Om” Shawl, approx $12 US at Tibetan Dawn

Amrita Singh Assorted Bangle Set $100

Violet Gold Bangle Set $16

One, Izzie really started to annoy me on the last season of Grey’s and two, because of her recent bitchy comments about her withdrawal from the Emmy nomination. Katherine, I’d like to point out that you piss me off because the writers of your show did such a perfect job of turning you into a whiney brat– they deserve an Emmy for that alone.

Anyway, gleefully awful photos of Katherine in all of her scrubby glory below:

Geren Ford Funnel Neck Dress, $314
Calypso Eloise Dress, $250
3.1 Phillip Lim Lace-Up Tunic Dress, $307
“Great” by Sandy Bonnie Brown, $635

1. Bobby pin necklace

2. All fall down necklace

3. Bottiglia necklace

4. Fuck tab necklace

5. “Kate” necklace (hey, I didn’t name it)

6. Knife necklace

7. Retainer necklace

8. Shark Mouth pendant

9. Tooth necklace

10. And an extra, to make it an even 10.

People Magazine has described Kim Kardashian’s signature style as “tight dresses and super-high heels.” Kimmy, sweetheart, is this really something to be proud of? Can we think of some other ladies who also are identified with this style of dress, that, shall we say, work the night shift? (Though some would say that starring in a reality TV show falls under this category as well …)
For real signature style, look to someone like Gwen Stefani, who rocks platinum blonde tresses and scarlet lips even while doing banal things like grocery shopping or cleaning the house (or watching someone clean her house for her—whatever).

Or Diane Keaton’s penchant for Annie Hall-esque garb.

Or Renee Zellweger’s obsession with Carolina Herrerra (though, this may be attributed to a variety of factors such as laziness, unwillingness to hire a stylist, or a sweet deal to do the Red Carpet Shill for the designer).

And PS Kimmy, you’re not Mariah Carey, so don’t even go there.

There are sample sales everywhere in NYC. Fortunately, the temptation is far removed as the majority of them occur during the hours when most of us normal folk are working so we can do fun things like pay the rent. However, now there are all of these online invite-only sample sales like Hautelook and Gilt Group, and these evil little reminders appear in my inbox, reminding me of all of the delectable items I can purchase at seriously discounted prices. Slowly, the realization has dawned on me that I’m not actually saving money by buying goodies here—70% off or not, it’s still money I wouldn’t have spent anyway.

What are these invite-only sample sales to you—blessing or curse?

There are so many things wrong with this photograph I don’t know where to begin. But for you, dear reader, I’ll at least try:

1. Madden brother, not sure which one (can’t tell them apart, don’t care).
2. Ugly shirt that looks like it was vomited out from the 80s
3. Ugly shirt with Malcom X on it … somehow, not sure MX would be overly thrilled about his face on aforementioned Madden brother’s T …
4. Wayfarers (just make them stop)

5. His “U” beard==tied with Pete Wentz’s guyliner.

6. Also, he’s drinking Rockstar energy drink – is this supposed to be ironic?

I like to pair my sundresses with something a little edgy (yay contrast) like studs or this tattoo-print headband from Etsy.

If you have something with simple, clean lines on (like a t-shirt dress) make your headband the focal point (it’s pricey, but this 3.1 Philip Lim headband from ShopJinny is gorgeous).

Wear an all-black ensemble and pair with something uber-girly; I like how this shot is styled with multiple headbands, but I’m not sure how functional it is (unless you have a really big head).

This braided crystal headband is another good option, but again—kinda pricey, as is this femme ribbon headband.

They’ll make your feel just a bit more put-together on days when you’re decidedly not …

1. For face: Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer in SPF 30. Lightweight and evens out skin tone.

2. For body: Neutrogena – any of their dry-touch blocks for face and body are superb—lightweight and non-greasy (I happen to enjoy the 85, but it comes in less-intense SPFs too).

3. For everywhere: Dr. Hauschka – This stuff is a bit heavy, but it works (especially for us lily-pale folks) and is 100% organic.

If you do get burned, put on only pure aloe vera for the next 72 hours—any lotions, creams etc will keep the heat in your skin and make the burn worse. Or you could, you know, not be dumb and put sunblock on before you go out.

And in more creative news from the world of LVMH, I just saw the Louis Vuitton creative with Keith Richards (this is delayed I know, but I’ve been catching up on my magazine reading). And, sweet Jesus, that man looks terrible—an LV suitcase would probably look better if it had accompanied him on all his world tours (though he, um, doesn’t seem the LV type, which makes the company’s choice to use him as spokesmodel rather odd). Either way, let this be a lesson to all you vain kids out there—just say no to drugs (or you’ll look like Uncle Keith).

However, if I were ever to run into Natalie Portman and her beau Devendra Banhart, I might a) melt b) squeal c) lose my ability to speak. I have a total girl-crush on Natalie and a real crush on Devendra and together … yum. They just seem so cool, and they’re so pretty and adorable together … and … that’s the only coherent thought you’re going to be getting out of me for now …

As a general rule, both garments should be made of a thin, simple fabric so the look isn’t too busy (this way you can play with your accessories too). The base layer should have a a closer fit (and even a longer hem) than the dress/tunic you will wear over it; the top layer should be short and sweet and fit a little bit loosely. Try experimenting with different sleeve lengths depending on the season (ie long-sleeve base layer, half-sleeve top layer during winter, cap-sleeve and sleeveless combo for the summer). To prevent the outfit from looking too bulky, cinch a belt underneath your bustline or hang low on your waist to build a silhouette. If you’re so inclined, pair with a long necklace or some statement-making earrings.

There are endless ways to keep this outfit fresh, whether you go for a boho look, are more of a fashionista, or a downtown girl. Enjoy!

So, think about this—you go on trip. You open up your jewelry roll after a few hours of travel, and all of your jewelry is tangled in a hopeless knot that is going to take hours to get out.. Well, guess what! Barney’s wants you to pay a cool $800 for a big clump of knotted jewelry that you can get for free with the stuff you already own by throwing your jewelry box down a flight of stairs. Plenty of other designers accomplish this look, and do it better, for a fraction of the price (check out Dirty Librarian Chains).I guess at least you won’t have to worry about what will happen to this piece after a few hours on a plane …

Dear Jumpsuits and Rompers,

Please, please go away. You are a rather unflattering article of clothing that only works on girls who have Giselle-like abs, and often result in a very awkward fit around the crotch area. I don’t care if Samantha wore you in the SATC movie, or if you have graced the lithe and lovely forms of Gwyneth Paltrow and Diane Kruger. You are a sartorial misstep on multiple levels. It would be much appreciated if you would leave this territory to skydivers, NASCAR, Air Force pilots and small children.

Thank you.

Best regards,

lins

So I loves me some monograms (I’m from Connecticut after all, die-hard Connecticutarians will monogram anything from sheets to socks), but if you’re not careful you’ll end up making a very suburban fashion statement. That danger aside, I’m loving this monogrammed dress from Built by Wendy.

Inspired by the iconically yuppy LL Bean monogrammed tote, this dress is a playful riff that lets you channel your inner suburbanite in a big city way. Pair with ballet flats, or go for a sky high wooden-heeled sandal to kick things up a notch.

You can find the dress at BuiltbyWendy.com for $292.00