Archive for Zmaji Robinson

Did you ever wish your Maybeline or your Red Bull had the wonderful trace of human afterbirth? Yum, love those fetal escrements. Well if you’re a disgusting baby eater, the Japanese got what ‘cha need. A company called, Q-Bit, has a beauty line of drinks, pills, jellies and face masks all with purified placenta. Of course I’m so friggin’ dramatic that I’ve led you to believe that it’s human placenta when it’s actually pig………..of course placenta is disgusting no matter what mammal it was harvested from. Asians do seem to find benefit and use for any and everthing anyway, but this is still a bit shocking. Now they say it’s a pig BUT remember there are face creams that have baby boy foreskin in them to combat those eye wrinkles………sooooo, there’s a possibility that you could be smearing fetal poo all over your face, how unsavoury!

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I have been known through the years to call Gwyneth Paltrow everything from a ‘melanin deficient bean pole’ to ‘bulimic boy chested trollop’ to ‘talentless slope headed bone bag’…..but I digress.  I never agreed with people labeling her a “Trendsetter” but I’ve also been known to form opinions in haste.  Therefore, I must apologize to Gwyny P. becuz clearly giving birth to two parasites has done wonders for her body.  I’m of course referring to her recently making the rounds to promote her return to the big screen but she’s killing the red carpet.  My favorite is the black lace and beaded Balmain mini dress with satine lapeled blazer and 4inch McQueen platform pumps (above) yea Mama, that’s the good stuff baby!  Hot Legs,  the greatest accessory known to man!

Look below for more Oscar winnin’ McGoodness:

   Peek-a-boo Stella McCartney

Hot’n'Sexy in Preen

    Razzle Dazzle in Sonia Rykiel 

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Baby, ya’ll ain’t even ready for this jelly! Pope Benedict was lookin’ O-SO-KRISPIE on his trip to these here United States. In the wake of his visit, I felt it necessary to point out his…………*ahem* chaming ensemble. Note the blingage and the pimp cape and the red hooker shoes, soooo sexy - I know I’m horny, “Oh yea Pope’y gimme the good stuff!”.

Of course my favorite part of this “look”, is the paper hat in all it’s 2ply, 300 sheet, Scott tissue fabulousnesses. OIe boy is ready for a wine chuggin’ Easter Sund’y.

I know his churchiness is required to wear AAAALLLL white but I don’t even think sweet Mojito flavored Jesus would approve of this blatant disregard of fashion do’s and dont’s. I know there’s a scripture in the good book denouncing lookin’ a mess and ministering God’s word, but I digress. But let us be totally honest……….isn’t he really just wearing a couture gown?………..an ugly one, but a couture gown none the less. All he needs now is a drug habit and a promiscuous vagina and he’ll be Paris Hilton *rimshot*

My dear homie “Slaus” of OHNblog pointed out a fact that I had been trying to ignore about Pope Benni looking like the emperor from the Star Wars movies…………………….but I won’t even point out that fact…….that would just be rude…..so I just won’t point it out……..even tho’ it’s obvious………but it’d be rude……so I won’t point it out……..nope……not gonna point that out….

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Adrien Grenier at the premiere of “Standard Operating Procedure” looks like …

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I actually like Anja Rubik Indies,  I actually like her!  In spite of the fact that she was caught posing with Chloe Sevignums’.  what a silly career move……..Jesus is not pleased!  I was all prepared to trash her and talk about her mamma and make references toward her being a promiscuous crack whore after seeing her with Chloe on the cover of Nylon (cuz I just knew she had to be on serious mind altering substances to even let her dead corpse be caught doing anything with Sevignums’), but then I looked her up and she really is something special, not a crack whore at all.

Anja                             vs                     Agyness

The Polish tart has graced various covers of Vogue abroad and has an impressive portfolio that made even ME do a double take….aren’t we impressed indies.  She’s also been getting booked like crazy since she chopped off her long blond tresses and got her Twiggy on.  Now even tho’ we worship Agnyess as our number one doll with a boy cut,  we think if Anja keeps steppin’ her game up, she might actually make us second guess ourselves.

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Dear Z’maji,

My word, I am so offended at the way you talk about people. I mean post after post you attack as if you have the right to comment on peoples lives. Where do you get off?!?!

Sincerely,

Douchey McDouchebag

You know you like it you whore! If you didn’t you wouldn’t keep reading while clutching your unmentionables thrilled at the promise of slaughter. You want blood! We’re the only thing standing between the sanity of the public and the complete buffoonery of the undeservedly famous, what with their bull puckie “fashion” lines and piss water fragrances (yeah, we’re talking to you Lauren Conrad). We know you wake up in the morning, adjust your Fruit Of The Looms and flick on your laptop to read Fashion Indie and see who we’re destroying that day as if we were peddlin’ free porn. Yeah, you like that don’t you Indie?

Now some of you - some of you are just askin’ for it, you sadomasochistic degenerates! You love when we rip you a new one for wearing that piece of trash yo’ mama knitted for over the holidays and guilted you into wearing in the presence of actual people. There you are in the society pages and fashion columns lookin’ a mess, but you had to know we’d see it! It’s cuz you wanted it you trick ass trollop, you like the abuse.

Pretending to try so hard as you comb through every fashion mag and blog, looking for the new thing, the latest trend, wearing things that you don’t even like cuz you think - that we think it’s HOT. Truth is, you’d take a jagged edge to your carotid artery if you couldn’t check out who was trashin’ your name and your unfortunate ensemble choice. Wardrobe malfunction, HA! More like a catastrophic Doomsday event!

You’re welcome.

-Z’maji, The Glam’Rist

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…….he’ll thank you, Elliot Lucca bags have an awesome street price.

While combing ‘these here innanets’ in my attempt to keep up with Daniel Saynts uncanny ability to find hot-new goodies,  I came across these really lovely bags.  Anyone that knows me knows that I’m a glamour whore.

I love it more than a 4 for 1 sale at the Louis Vuitton (don’t label me a label whore).  E. Lucca handbags however give me glamour that is stated, not enforced.  Lucca’s signature woven leather comes in a bevy of shoppers, totes and wallets in metallics and prints. Of course, as I said before, these bags are leather so you won’t be making any new friends down at the PETA, but it’s only they’re sexual frustration cuz when you don’t indulge in dead animal you just can’t get off.  Poor Elsie….

-Z’maji, The Glam’Rist

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