Clockwise from top: John Galliano, Hugo Hugo Boss & Giorgio Armani

Magnanni & Roberto Guerrini

Alessandro Dell’Acqua & D Squared

Clockwise from top: Bally, Salvatore Ferragamo, Sergio Rossi & Cesare Paciotti

Designers are adding new flair to evening wear with dress shoes that use a range of unique material combinations, from sublime exotics to elegant satins and velvets.

(WWD)

I’ve stated time and again, my fondness for a sleek man’s shoe……not to wear, but simply to marvel. As an avid “shoe watcher,” I often compliment men on their shoe choices……as the song goes, “every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man.” This beautiful collection is the epitome of classic style. Prada’s kiltie bootie, Alessandro Dell’Acqua’s green velvet and Prada’s croc are beyond compare, as they simply stir the soul!

LINK LOVE:Men: "The Evening Shoe"

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I almost fainted dead away into my Malt-O-Meal and Easy Mac when I saw these pics of Sacha Baron Cohen or should I say “Bruno” doin the googley eyed fool, snap in a circle three times somebody. My poor innocent virgin eyes have been violated and I didn’t even use my Pay Pal account to pay for it this time. I haven’t been this disgusted since Fergie made hot mustard colored piss on stage in her guachos, this is not fashion Indiez! I’m all for people promoting there wares but we’ve clearly crossed over into unsavory territory…………..unsavory and stank!

I know who’s to blame, it’s that Bobby Trendy’s fault what with his platformed foot apparatuses and random chiffon scraps, reprobate! Let’s pour out a little liquor for my homiez that will die when they take a look at these pale gamey clenched cakes. I hope Cohen catches a glittery rash of that swine ‘fever’ all up and down his taint for this foolishness and I hope it really, really buuuuurrrrnnnsss. I really don’t appreciate turning on my computer and gettin a face full of bedazzled man buns, this ain’t Chelsea!

Since the new Hannah Montana movie made $34 million at the box office, it’s safe to say that her fan base of sugar high, musty young girls and horny, greasy palmed, lurkin’n'lonely old men couldn’t have given a hot colonic about the tragedy she unleashed at the actual premiere. There’s a stylist somewhere that deserves a glass of hot piss to the face for makig a lovely girl look like Penthouse ‘Hoe Dealin Of The Month’. Now no one told me Hannah Montana was going into porn! I mean, is this a showing for a Disney film or did we make a wrong turn and end up at a Jenna Jameson 4 hour featurette. I bet that dress comes with secret pocket filled with complimentary birth control snackin pills and flavored sugar free sexin rubbers. I mean it’s a Missoni, so I guess I should like it but for some reason I have the strong urge to tear up my mama’s house robe and make an attempt at couture, I mean a hoe rag……………and……………….and are those…………………are those Payless shoes?!?! Oh, the WHOREmanity! Miley is too cute to be lookin like someone’s weekend tasty treatz!

Oh Miley m’dear, please just don’t shave your head and attack yo baby daddy SUV with an umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

We here at F.I. barely have any idea what fooseball is or whatever they call it, but when PETA starts actin’ a malnourished, grass eatin fool, we take notice! Everyone knows what an idiot Michael Vick made of himself when he destroyed his career by getting caught up in a dog fighting ring. However, did you know that those flyin whore monkeys over at PETA wrote every single major league football team, petitioning them not to sign him when he was released from jail? If that ain’t the cock block to end ‘em all and spoil a wet dream! I mean it’s one thing to douse a fur wearer with pigs blood, that’s just clean, wholesome fun but it’s another thing to diddle with a brotha’s paycheck? Brokeness (not an actual word) has never been fashionable.

Now I know in the past that I’ve expressed hate for PETA and the possibility of dousing them in used cooking oil from KFC and settin’ them on fire for a 4th of July light show that would kill *pun* but c’mon! They’re so full of it, they’d take out a family of 6 in a mini-van to save a rabid stray crossing the freeway, clutching a new born in it’s mouth. Those sphincter pirating slut bags! Look, I don’t like the whole dog fighting thing either and I believe he should’ve gone to jail too but he’s paid his debt to society so you people need to chill out and go eat a steak or somethin. I’m gonna line your veggie burgers with meat from an endangered species you’se whorez!

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Look Indies! It’s a stampede of candidates for America’s Next Flop Model. Yes childrenz, you read right, they stampeded like a hoard of cows tryin to get to the feedin trough at the Olive Garden, Moooooo! Not to volunteer to help in a needy community or to provide blood so there would be surplus for life saving purposes or to burn Anna Wintour in effigy, not important causes like that. No, these delicate young heffas straight grid-ironed and clawed and catted their way forward for the chance to bask in the glow of Tyra’s premium silky weave. I know Tyra’s gonna turn this into a “very special Tyra” episode and talk to the “victims” about how they overcame this “hardship” and it’s all gonna lead back to her. I mean really, must we push, everyone will have their chance to be told to go kill themselves. This is just ridiculous, I thought I was watchin’ a soup line in a 3rd world country and what’s pitiful is that most of these wannabes will be models when Satan starts up an ice cold lemonade stand in hell on the 4th of “Nevuary”. I would call them whores for attention but I gave up snarkiness for lent………………………so I won’t call them whores……………………I’m just not gonna call them whores……………………no, I’m not calling them that…………not whores………………………wait, what is lent again?

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Look at all that Beyonkey Donkey poured into a breathtaking Thierry Mugler original. It’s like a bucket of KFC original but tastier and much more greasy. Oh to be the Spanx huggin all 32′-24′-36′ of that jelly. Beyonce taunts we the fashion elite on the set of her tour promo shoot in a Mugler one of a kind that is clearly NOT House of Dereon, Mama Tina gon’ kill her a few stylists before lunch. I don’t know if you all remember, but Mugler has designed all the costumes and pieces for Beyonce’s new world tour, including that of her dancers and band. I don’t know how much that costs but let’s just say to pay for it, I’m sure Sasha Fierce is gonna have to shake that monkey until it shatters and falls to pieces. If this is just a taste of what Mugler has designed for B’s new tour, clearly I’m going to need a wet nurse and a fresh pack of Depends cuz I’ll be soiling myself with sheer delightz. Actually, I’m soiling myself right now and you all have been a part of it………….and that just makes is that much more special Indiez. Now pass me a baby wipe……..thank ya dear.

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Warning: HSN products cause nausea, scabies, the cancers, the crazies and a big ol booty. Click at your own risk – Tina Knowles HSN collection

I lovez you Tina!

Indies, in case none of you received the note I sent via carrier pigeon, I personally have a crush on Mrs. Tina Knowles *singing Here’s to you Mrs Robinson/Jesus loves you more than you will know*. Hot old chicks rock! However, anytime anyone starts peddlin’ wares on HSN, my spidey sense starts tingling and I get a huge rash on my butt the shape of Texas. We all know that the whole House of Dereon thing hasn’t gone so well since most of what they’ve put out can only be worn on stage ‘Survivin’ with Destiny’s Child or pattin yo weave on the set of Single Ladies. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still drank Beyonce’s bathin’ water after a rough and sweaty world tour but Dereon wasn’t what I thought it would be………………or actually it’s exactly what I thought it would be *sad face/disappointment in life*.

Everything’s just so random and the word “cohesive” is like a child no one wanted but no one had the courage to get rid of so they just ignore it. I stang by how yummi Tina Knowles make me feel on the inside part but it’s time to put this project sleep in the sweet rest of Jesus and euthanasia. Of course, I am talking about HSN and that’s where fashion is murdered slowly along with your salary. Which brings me to my 2nd point, I’ll be starting an HSN rehabilitation group soon……..not for me, for you………really………..don’t judge Z’maji!

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

With all this talk about war, I figured you Indies needed something stupid to take your minds off this grown up spat whilst we bust some skulls! Do you remember when you’d watch a Lindsey Lohan movie and before you knew it, you were drooling into your popcorn with the butter like oil substance? There was a time when that freckled bosom was the most searched for thing online. Search engines where crashing at the overwhelming quest of young boys and dirty geezers to find just a twinkle of milky white Mean Girl flesh…………..God, I’ve made me’self hot.

Now-a-days however, I’d rather watch Rosie O’Donnel win a wet t-shirt contest *shiver*. That might be a bit dramatic but I won’t take it back, I’m gangsta like that. However, the disco-stick in my craw is how people magnify her as the holy grail of fashion and style. There’s clearly a contagious fit of annuerisms and the crazies moving through the fashion community. What happened to that hot piece that was making crappy teen movies and bein all readheaded and hot and stuff? This is the problem with celebrity. I always compare fame to one of those sucky face spider things from the movie Alien, it’s ALWAYS gonna end real bad. It just sucks the life from you and all that’s left is an emaciated douchebag on auto-pilot. There is no way I would go near that. Dude, I mean, I wouldn’t hit it with YOUR junk!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Y’know Indies, it feels like a CHICO’s kinda day (ewwww) so I wanted to treat you to some behind the scenes smut from Chrissy Siriano. Awwww, look at our little ferocia being all authoritative and influential and thangs. Everytime I see that gravity defying, razor sharp do, I get giddy all up and through my heart region……………all up and through *sniffle*. Now, I heard through sour grapes on the grapevine that someone, somewhere was sippin on a haterade martini beverage because Daniel Saynt was gonna crash Siriano’s showing at Fashion Week. You people just better thank Anna Wintour’s wig set that I wasn’t there to crash the show. The carnage I would’ve poured out on those poor little door people with their precious little lists. Fashion Week blood shed is just so PETA and you know how much I love them *finger down throat*. Now move, I came to see Chrissy.

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Candid, front row footage of the Siriano’s last season showing below, please don’t drool on out site, we’ll end you! No seriously, we’ll scratch out your eyes, we mean:

Ooooo Aubrey, Giiiiirrrl, You Such A Natural Beauty and Stuff……

Today in Never-Ever land, somebody got airbrushed to the Motha McLovin T. The cover says it’s Aubrey but this lump of undefined silicon anime, doin it’s best Jessica Rabbit bit, couldn’t possibly be my sweet little church girl. I guess washing windshields at stop lights or goin to a temp agency to find a position of employment was out of the question. How do you go from multi-platinum girl group to servin up monkey fixins and sexy cakes in Playwhore? This is definitely not successful career planning We here as FashionINDIE frown upon such shady dealins.

Whomever let the little boy play with the photo shop software over there at the magazine needs a good shrapnel facial and a chemical peel with boiled tranny urine………I’m sorry, Extra Virgin Tranny Urine.

She looks like a bedazzled albino turd. It’s like RuPaul had too many of those microwaved pizza roll abominations and 2 hours later, after he calmed down from thinking he was having menstrual cramps, realized it was just a gut bubble, puckered and manured’ out God’s beloved that sits before you. Look at my angel all rouged and ready for a Kodak. DAMAGED indeed! Well I hope she at least got a box of Krispy Kremes out of it. I guess if it was a choice between suckin up to Diddly-Bops douchewater or playin Bingo with Hephner, I’d choose dry humps at the retirement home too. I love you so Aubrey……………..no, real talk, I really love you.

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Oh my! That’s a whole lotta back’doe cakez Lady Gaga! I really didn’t want to do it but she made me do it. It’s like when someone keeps pushing you and pushing you and that little voice in your head turns demonic, egging you on to kill, maim and destroy but without messing up your mani & weave ponytail. Now I’ve enjoyed the crystal dresses and the holographic goggles, the gratuitous body painting and the unsettling way you share your crotch with the audience but visible corrective undergarments is where I have to shut this space shuttle to the cockeye-ded fool down, silly!

M’dear Goo-Goo, panty-hosen do not a pair of suitable trousers make. I know sometimes “lil Gaga” might want a fresh gulp of air but you need to do like rest of us and soak that girl in Evian before you leave the house or beam down from the Enterprise or materialize from the 12th of never or however you get where you’re going. Love You So Gaga……Goo!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Behold the pure virginal holiness and sanctified church girl glam’ah of Asian American reality T.V. tiddiez. Now don’t get me wrong, Like any red blooded American male I likez breasticals just like the next pervert but a brassiere should not be worn as a shirt unless you’re a stripper, porno beaver about to perform despicable actz or an evening woman of questionable repute…………..of course, we are talking about Tila Teqkillya.

Okay, Mommi, I get it. You bought some fresh new silicon setz to prop up your bra meatz and you’d like to play show and tell with the rest of the class. However m’dear, you shouldn’t be allowing people to check out the groceries until they pay all surcharges, service and admission fees. I mean if’n you’re going to dress like a back alley, 360 degree, any-kinda-way-whore you should conduct your bidniss as such. Love ya Teqkillya.

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

A message from kwest on Vimeo.

Beyonce is peddlin’ dresses for House of Dereon, but all I saw was caramel colored ‘thank ya Jesus’, packed into chiffon. I know many people have their reservations about Beyonkey Donkey and her maternal unit’s ideas about fashion but if these ads are any indication of what’s to come, I’d say we should get something that you could at least wear to a formal hoe-down or a pig sloppin’. OH-Paaaaa, I kid. Honestly, the two pieces presented in the ad are quite lovely and Dereon definitely has some restitution to perform for past offenses that shall remain nameless *cough* polyester nightie dress with lace trim *cough*

I still say that we should give ol’ McJiggleYums a chance………………..ahhhhh, JiggleYums *gurgling & incoherent*

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Actress Eva Longoria's dress is adjusted by a publicist on the red carpet of the 66th annual Golden Globe awards in Beverly Hills, California January 11, 2009. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson (UNITED STATES)

Well Indies, we’ve come to the end of this gaping maw of a butthole we call 2008. As the resident douchecack, I felt I needed to violate you one last time like R Kelly at a Girl Scouts sleepover before we cross over into 09′. This year has been bitter sweet hasn’t it my Fashionophiles?

We got our 1st black president but we lost a hot, stacked soccer mom with power suits that made Hilary Clinton’s snicker doodle implode with jealousy.

Britney brought sexy back but Amy CrackHouse started looking like something out of Thriller.

Christian Siriano released magnificent product, taking his spot as a candidate for fashion’s future but this season’s Project Runway sucked man-berriez like eager back alley prostitwats.

Fashion Indie’s Fashion Week Brooklyn was the toast of New York but Marc Jacobs continued to flash bystanders that malnourished little peen from under his crushed velvet man skirt………..NYPD did nothing, PIGS!

Daniel Saynt and Rebecca Alexander joined in matrimony, filling the world with love and beauteously raunchy married relations but Spencer and Heidi threatened us with the possibility of producing offspring, filling the world with fear and horror, sending some into suicidal fits of madness.

Sasha Fierce killed in Grace Jonesesque chic but made stinky poo glitter all over music.

Kanye West pushed the limits of urban fashion but Kanye West pushed the limits of urban fashion…………..and yes he’s still ‘IGNANT’, his brain’s still in his ass!

Fashion Indie got more awesome-er but Annie Wintour is still in power devouring the souls of our young, all whilst enjoying high tea.

And lastly but most importantly, I’ve never been more sexifull…………Put A Ring On It!

See ya on the other side Indies

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Governor-elect Sarah Palin announces members of her cabinet during a news conference in Anchorage, Alaska, Friday, Dec. 1, 2006, with Revenue Commissioner Patrick Galvin, left and Maj. Gen. Craig Campbell, right in back. Palin announced Patrick Galvin as Revenue Commissioner, Maj. Gen. Craig Campbell as commissioner of the Department of Military and Veterans Affairs, John Bitney not shown, as director of legislative affairs, Meghan Stapleton as press secretary and director of communications for the governor's office and Mike Tibbles as chief of staff. (AP Photo/Al Grillo)

October 9, 2008: Marc Jacobs spotted out in New York City wearing a dress today. Credit: Dara Kushner/INFphoto.com Ref.: infusny-05/42

Christian Sirano "Project Runway" Season 4 Finale Party at the Tribeca Grand Hotel Credit: (Mandatory): Patricia Schlein/ WENN

02/01/2008 - Anna Wintour - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2008 - Rag & Bone - Front Row and Backstage - Cipriani - New York City, NY, USA - Keywords: - - - Photo Credit: Wild1 / PR Photos - Contact (1-866-551-7827)

Y’know what’s so sad?  Everybody is so worried about, “Oh My GAHD!  Where is Jennifer’s wedding ring?”  I thought it is was more important to notice how beautiful and radiant she looked after squeezing two screaming larva out of her birthing shoot.  She should look like Jabba The Hut on disability.  It’s obviously a Hanukkah miracle sent by sweet baby Jesus.  I mean even the poster of Brad Pitt in the back istryin to check out that fine Puerto Rican fatback.  I personally was completely and totally taken with her fabulous breastical balls.  I thought it was Christmas already and Santa was paying me back for being a deadbeat when he didn’t bring me those D&G leopard print jeans that I wanted back in 97′.  I’m still a little bitter about that………….Santa don’t let me catch you in the street!

 

Le Trung’s social skills clearly suck it hard. So hard that he built himself a woman named, Aiko. I guess he got tired of getting those rejection letters from EHarmony. Robo-Hoe can clean the house, speak 13,000 sentences in English & Japanese and fend off your sexual advances………wait a minute, that sounds like a real woman to me! Her most impressive sentence is ‘I don’t like it when you touch my breasts’. I’ll be damned if an appliance tells me that I can’t have a little taste of the goods. That’s like my fridge telling me I can’t dry hump it on those drunk nights when I come home to a lonely apartment and need a little lovin’.

The most offensive thing is that he payed all this money and she looks like cheap trailer trash with paint by number pancake make-up from the “Cover-All” Ike Turner domestic abuse glamour kit. If I pay $20,000 for a woman she had better not only let me touch the breasts but also be the lay of my life. I better not be able to walk or form intelligent sentences for a week. Do you understand what that can buy? A new collection of Raf Simons footwear and a fatnin’ double meat double cheese to eat in front of the starving waifs down at Wilhelmina.

All I’m saying is, if you want to be rejected by a woman there’s no need to pay 20 large for that. That money could have been put to good use on cheap, eager hookers or paper for the girls down at Wilhelmina to eat or more warm vomit like sludge and sewer water beverage urine for the Kathie Lee sweat shop orphans down at the docks. Such a senseless waste.

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

What do an ex daytime television diva and a woman that used to make expensive dirtiez to Donald Trumps crotch have in common? Both of them enjoy the fuzzy dead carcasses of woodland creatures. I personally think Ivana’s coat is made out of excess comb over sheddings from The Donald. She’s a very resourceful woman. I don’t know where Star got hers from but I’m sure she strangled and skinned the poor little defenseless rats all on her own-some cuz she’s a strong black woman. Don’t mess with Star-uh cuz you’se hoes might be next!

Don’t get me wrong, I hate PETA too…….I want them dead, I paid the people to destroy them but they haven’t finished the job, darn indecisive mormon terrorists! Heavy full on fur coats, however, ain’t cute so the 80′s IS pressing charges cuz they want their merchandise back. Fur is after all murder – FABULOUS MURDER *evil*! I know I personally want a fur coat made out of Brandy and Beyonce lace front wig weavins………….that’s only if anyone was wondering what to get me for ChrismaKwanzNukkah!

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Every time I convince myself that I’m AM NOT going to talk about people no more, someone shows up and makes diarrhea all over my resolution. Dear, dear, sweet and virginal Pam Anderson showed up at Art Basel lookin a warm, moist, diseased mess. I’m so disappointed that this woman had reproduced……….I mean actual spawn from her vagina cavelet. I know I want to look in the tabloids and see my mothers cellulitus and pregnancy stretch marks. There’s a porno slut somewhere in a dumpster getting the business to the face saying, “Oh my God, Pam Anderson is so trashy! She has no shame.”

Y’know I never really cared when old dudes would get all sentimental about how hot Farrah Fawcett USED 2 WUZ, but now that Pam M’Lamb has gone from Baywatch scene stealer to resembling pulverized hooker puss, I can hear depression trying to break in my front door with a pair of scissors and a bottle of Oxycontin. Now I’m considering turning to hard drinking……………maybe motor oil or bleach.

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Oooo Beyonce, you so dif’rent and stuffz! Here’s Beyonkey Donkey(I mean that with the utmost obsessive desire) gracing the cover of Elle in what has to be the most gangsta promotions blitz since Comb-Over Trump bulldogged his way onto every morning show to rip Rosie O’Donnell a gaping new birthin’ shoot. I wonder if Grace Jones knows that Beyonce challenging her swag? Clearly this new dark chapter in B-style is leading up to the looks that Thierry Mugler will be designing for her tour. Now THAT, Indies, makes me so happy, I’m having a happy ending right now………………..and you’ve all be a part of it…………Now Put A Ring On It!

I’m personally enjoying her departure from her signature, wholesome, southern pageant girl sparkles………………….of course I’d suck her putrid toes after she’d finished the New York marathon in air tight shoes and no socks on………..don’t judge me!
Yawl know Beyonce gets me to sweatin’ like some Las Vegas hos at a Baptist Virginity Declaration ceremony.

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Magazine Scans courtesy of beyonceworld.net

………..THEN BRING ME A DIDDY HEAD IN A KFC BOX. Not only is Diddly Bop raping us raw with new “product” with I Am King the fragrance, now we Bond movie aficionados have to prepare plans of retaliation at the thought of Diddy conning his way into being the next Bond. When I first viewed this abomination, I could have flown away to fashion purgatory with the KIDZ where Drags in polyester make everyone watch reworkings of Heatherette shows and sip tepid Appletinis before a sing-along of I’m Half The Man I Used To Be. No, wait, after I watched this video I wanted to do m’self a favor, snatch out my eyes and eat them on a soda cracker with Beluga so I wouldn’t have to see his face again. Wait, wait, I got more. After I watched this I wanted to send Diddy a ticking, smoking package that read “URGENT, OPEN IMMEDIATELY”…………I might have gone to far now!

I love to attention whore m’self to the masses just like any other manly diva, but at least I have the dignity to whore m’self for free………y’know like classy people……..like a lady! Have you ever wanted to kick yourself in the naughty bitz until you bled into your internal organs and went into septic shock and ended yourself? Well if not don’t watch this because the temptation is real.

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Singer Miley Cyrus poses with Mickey Mouse at the "Miley���s Sweet 16 Share the Celebration" party at Disneyland in Anaheim, California October 5, 2008. Cyrus, who portrays Hannah Montana in the Disney television series, celebrated her 16th birthday. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni (UNITED STATES)

Is there saggage in your pannies? Has your puddin’ bowl lost is flavor? Since child birth, does it resemble something out of the movie Aliens? Well make that monstrous, gaping-maw of an abyss shimmer and shine with Clitter!

Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

MILAN, ITALY - JUNE 23: Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of American Vogue, attends Tom Ford Boutique Opening during Milan Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2009 on June 23, 2008 in Milan, Italy. (Photo by Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images)

Now I love me some Beyonce just like any other person that enjoys seeing some big ol’ gyratin booty cakes, SHAKE THEM GROCERIES BOO! I also have to admit that I love the style that she and her mother have created for her. However, I think her style looks good on HER, ? She alone can pull off those over the top golden, sparkly, glitter bedraggled get-ups cuz that’s how we like to see her. I also LOOOOVVVE Michelle Obama and her style got me lookin’ soooo crazy right now! Now with all that being said, I heard through the grapevine, from my cousin’s, sister’s, Uncle Rillo’s, best friend’s, drug dealer’s, post-op tranny, that Beyonce and her mother Tina will be designing a death shroud *ahem* I mean an outfit for Mrs. Obama.

Now I’m not tryin’ to hate on B’nouncy and Momma Tina, but Michelle is a sophisticated, charming woman and I really don’t believe that charm and Creole bust-it-baby chic go together. She posesses a cool, confident air of refinement that I’m sure will only be cheapened by a bedazzled blazer and chainmail slacks. If they put that girl in a gold lame mini dress and stilletos with dress socks I will not be held responsible for any acts of violence that I partake in. I will imme’giately be bustin that head open till a sweet fountain of homicide pours forth. Don’t do it! HA!

Michelle Obama, wife of US Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama (D-IL), watches him as he makes his remarks at his "Super Tuesday" primary election night rally in Chicago, Illinois, February 5, 2008. Twenty-four of the 50 states are holding nominating contests for one or both parties on "Super Tuesday" for a huge haul of delegates to this summer's conventions that will choose the candidates for the November presidential election. REUTERS/Jason Reed (UNITED STATES) US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN 2008 (USA)

The newest trend catching on in Tinsleytown is unadulterated, cockeye-ded, old school, CRAZY. It’s a great accessory when you’re spiraling downward into the abyss of nothingness and has-been-ness. Now understand, I don’t mean slightly cooky or peculiar behaviour either, I mean Joan Collins “Mommy Dearest”, trigger finger Phil Spector, Ike Turner cracked out UFC shennaniganed, Marlon Brando crazy. I mean soup sandwhich crazy. As you all know, I’m not really into talking about people……*crickets*…….but I think that some interventions and shock therapy sessions are in order – OR – maybe something more midevil like bleeding with leeches……….can we do that anymore?

Amy Winehouse looks like she’s two puffs away from dying in her own sick, Kanye’s rockin’ that homeless/crazed sorority girl killer/serial rapist look that’s so HOT right now, Lindseys sadomasochistic fall is being chronicled by the ever affectionate tabloids, Lauryn Hill is 3 wings and a case of salmonella short of a family bucket from KFC and Gary Busey………well…….let’s just say that no one can convince me that he’s not burying bodies in his backyard or eating the flesh of the dead, now that’s certifiable!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Actor Gary Busey arrives at the 80th annual Academy Awards, the Oscars, in Hollywood, February 24, 2008. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson (UNITED STATES-OSCARS)

Christy is taking over at Bluefly and the Trannies must be goin out of their minds with anticipation to spend their welfare checks. It’s great to see someone win Project Runway and actually have something to show for it. How fudgin awesome to that he can even make simple, everyday pieces but keep the grand, unique style that we’ve come to love. Watch for 2:17 when Christy coins a new phrase “Tranny Klum”. I like it, I’m using it, I’m stealing it and I’m going to copyright it, NAH!

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Dear Giorgio Armani,

I don’t wanna hate on the elderly gettin’ their sexy on in their last, FEW, PRECIOUS days before death stops by for that final potluck and I know you’re Italian but aren’t we a little long of tooth to be wearing the Speedo’s? A little slinky of skin to be baring all that flesh? A tad limp of prostate to be presenting the groceries to the public? Aren’t we? I mean I can see your cash & prizes and the balance is exceedingly low……if’n you know what I mean…….

There are already sooo many things in this picture that are killin’ your kool that I won’t dare to bring up the fact that you look crispier than Thanksgiving Turkey with all the fixins, it would just be too rude, so I won’t bring it up. You know how much we care about peoples feelings at Fashion Indie *squint*

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Jessica Simpson designing dresses? Surely the world is coming to an end. Could you really trust a woman that thinks buffalo wings come from buffalo to design the dress for your next shindig? I mean this is the same broad that didn’t know whether or not “Chicken of the Sea” tuna is really chicken or fish. I mean, if that don’t scream ‘I’ve been sniffing’ the chloroform’, I don’t know what does. If she doesn’t know that difference, I don’t see how she would know the difference between silk jersey and burlap with shards of glass in it. This is a disaster in the making and I’m huddling under that kitchen table preparing for the fallout.

I can just see it now, uneven hemlines, an arm socket where the tiddies supposed to be, a zipper horizontally across the butt. I guess we need to start letting everybody design things they have no business in hell designing. George W Bush can start new space shuttle designs for NASA. Stevie Wonder can design reading glasses and Dr Kevorkian can design new life saving curriculum for paramedics and firemen. Stay in your lane Mama!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Don’t you want to maintain your sexy but still be prepared at all times? And NO! This is not about condom carriage you oversexed Indies, it’s about bein’ resourceful and cute with out faltering. Say you snag your nail on some $2 Pay-Pal trick’s weave at the club cuz she got all up in ya face talkin’ bout, “You stole my man, you stole my man!” when you know you returned him after you were through. Well you want to keep your fab in tact but still take care of business. So you whip out your Miss “A” Knife, flip out the main blade and get to work slicin’ and dicin’ that toothless skanch beyond recognition.

Afterwards, you may proceed to the bathroom and use the nifty nail file to get your manicure back together, flip open the mirror to make sure your make-up is still flawless, pop one of mommy’s little helpers from the pillbox to calm your nerves & use the rubber tipped pointer to send a text on your touch screen phone to Rebecca and Daniel about how you just mollywhopped a hoe on the dance floor. Now only if it had a little flask for an little afternoon delight, mm-hmm!

Get it here babeh!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

The boy bands are coming, the boy bands are coming………and boy are they old *ZING*. I keed. No but seriously, it’s an epidemic of ginormous proportions. New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys & New Edition are all back on the scene, I wonder if that residual income on songs sang has run out and it was either do another CD or the graveyard shift at Mickey Dumps. The overwhelming fear of my heart is pre-middle aged men traveling in groups of 5, dressed in the same color scheme, Jesus take the wheel. I don’t even know how New Kids were able to get Jonathan back on stage. Remember a few years ago when he was on Montell boo-hoo’n about stage fright and crowds of people, agoraphobia. I guess the possibility of makin’ more cash killed that. How do you feel about grown, really grown, men doin’ pop music, dancin’ around, looking matchy matchy? I know that’s my phobia!

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JUNE 23: Singer Bobby Brown (at podium) and fellow members of the group New Edition receive the Golden Note Award at ASCAP's 21st Annual Rhythm and Soul Music Awards on June 23, 2008 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Vince Bucci/Getty Images)

The band New Kids On The Block perform during Z100's Zootopia '08 concert Saturday night, May 17, 2008 at Izod Center in East Rutherford, N.J. The band, from left, consists of Danny Wood, Joey McIntrye, Donnie Wahlberg, Jordan Knight and Jon Knight. (AP Photo/Bill Kostroun)

Brian Littrell (L-R), Nick Carter, AJ McLean and Howie Dorough of U.S. band "Backstreet Boys" perform during their "Unbreakable" tour in Riga May 17, 2008. REUTERS/Ints Kalnins (LATVIA). NO SALES. NO ARCHIVES. FOR EDITORIAL USE ONLY. NOT FOR SALE FOR MARKETING OR ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS.

……a horrid, screaming death of fire and pain,  please do it now!

WARNING! :  Fashion Indie writers have taken an oath to uphold the highest standards of style and beauty.   Therefore if we catch you in the street rockin’ Evisu,  we’ll take a page from PETA and douse you in your own blood due to an unforgiving mercy beating.  Put em’ outta their misery,  that’s our motto.

Remember a while ago when Daniel Saynt did the post about Evisu’s attempt at innovation that only resulted in tacky denim I wouldn’t wish on Anna Wintor’s lifeless corpse.  Well those lovely people have continued there sacrilegious onslaught against our lady fashion………and boy must she be pissed.  Just somebody please riddle me this,  WHO NEEDS THAT MANY POCKETS.  Are they to hold condoms for people with overactive sex lives?  Are they trying to promote organization in the hood, a way to keep your ”product” in order………..maybe even for Amy Winehouse?  Or is it just some douchecock had nothing better to do but be a crap stain on urban style?  Please don’t stare directly into the jeans as your soul is in jeopardy of losing all sense of style & dignity and burning in hell.  Satan is surely behind this……..damn that tricky little devil!

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Well 1st she showed up to the MET gala looking a flammable, pretentious mess,  then there was the tabloid fallout when pictures of her cottage cheesed assless back surfaced, and now?  I guess because misery loves company,  we the fashion world must suffer as well,  seeing Mischa will soon “design” her own line of handbags *pause for projectile vomit and explicatives*.  My grandmother always said that, “Idol hands are the devils work”.  Meaning,  when you ain’t got nothin’ to do, you decide that it would be a good time to become a “designer”.  That’s right childrens’,  if’n you have nothing better to do with your time becuz the roles aren’t pouring in and you got canned from your hit show and Neutrogena drops you like you’ve contracted the clap & an itchy bleeding rash and the tabloids publish pictures of your slinking, sloppy, junky trunk.  Poor Mischa,  as much as I loathe her, I feel kind of bad for the rotting body of death that is her career, OUCH!  That even hurt me to say.  It just seems like a case of ”reaping what you sow’” a.k.a. KARMA for being such a douchecock during her O.C. days.  Afterall Karma is an vengeful, violently menstrating whore that will not be satiated till she draws the very last drop of lifes blood leaving you walking the red carpet at The MET looking the cockeye-ded fool.

Oh yea and the line will be hitting stores early July in the UK, blah, blah, blah and all that jazz.  The line will feature leather and snakeskin bags with a flower logo hand drawn by Mischa herself probably with crayons and finger paints.  Mischa you just got yo’self a good ol’ bashin’,  pick your face up boo!

Love you Mischy!  Just like sweet zexy Jesus!

 - Z’maji

NEW YORK - MAY 05: Actress Mischa Barton poses as she departs from the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala, Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy, held at the Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 5, 2008 in New York City. (Photo by Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images)

Did you ever wish your Maybeline or your Red Bull had the wonderful trace of human afterbirth? Yum, love those fetal escrements. Well if you’re a disgusting baby eater, the Japanese got what ‘cha need. A company called, Q-Bit, has a beauty line of drinks, pills, jellies and face masks all with purified placenta. Of course I’m so friggin’ dramatic that I’ve led you to believe that it’s human placenta when it’s actually pig………..of course placenta is disgusting no matter what mammal it was harvested from. Asians do seem to find benefit and use for any and everthing anyway, but this is still a bit shocking. Now they say it’s a pig BUT remember there are face creams that have baby boy foreskin in them to combat those eye wrinkles………sooooo, there’s a possibility that you could be smearing fetal poo all over your face, how unsavoury!

I have been known through the years to call Gwyneth Paltrow everything from a ‘melanin deficient bean pole’ to ‘bulimic boy chested trollop’ to ‘talentless slope headed bone bag’…..but I digress.  I never agreed with people labeling her a “Trendsetter” but I’ve also been known to form opinions in haste.  Therefore, I must apologize to Gwyny P. becuz clearly giving birth to two parasites has done wonders for her body.  I’m of course referring to her recently making the rounds to promote her return to the big screen but she’s killing the red carpet.  My favorite is the black lace and beaded Balmain mini dress with satine lapeled blazer and 4inch McQueen platform pumps (above) yea Mama, that’s the good stuff baby!  Hot Legs,  the greatest accessory known to man!

Look below for more Oscar winnin’ McGoodness:

   Peek-a-boo Stella McCartney

Hot’n'Sexy in Preen

    Razzle Dazzle in Sonia Rykiel 

Soon to be “designer” <GAG!> Leighton “whats her face” Meester, at the Metropolitan Opera House looks like…

[poll=11]

I knew her dress looked familiar…

Baby, ya’ll ain’t even ready for this jelly! Pope Benedict was lookin’ O-SO-KRISPIE on his trip to these here United States. In the wake of his visit, I felt it necessary to point out his…………*ahem* chaming ensemble. Note the blingage and the pimp cape and the red hooker shoes, soooo sexy – I know I’m horny, “Oh yea Pope’y gimme the good stuff!”.

Of course my favorite part of this “look”, is the paper hat in all it’s 2ply, 300 sheet, Scott tissue fabulousnesses. OIe boy is ready for a wine chuggin’ Easter Sund’y.

I know his churchiness is required to wear AAAALLLL white but I don’t even think sweet Mojito flavored Jesus would approve of this blatant disregard of fashion do’s and dont’s. I know there’s a scripture in the good book denouncing lookin’ a mess and ministering God’s word, but I digress. But let us be totally honest……….isn’t he really just wearing a couture gown?………..an ugly one, but a couture gown none the less. All he needs now is a drug habit and a promiscuous vagina and he’ll be Paris Hilton *rimshot*

My dear homie “Slaus” of OHNblog pointed out a fact that I had been trying to ignore about Pope Benni looking like the emperor from the Star Wars movies…………………….but I won’t even point out that fact…….that would just be rude…..so I just won’t point it out……..even tho’ it’s obvious………but it’d be rude……so I won’t point it out……..nope……not gonna point that out….