BASH: Tina Knowles HSN Collection

Edited by Zmaji Robinson

Warning: HSN products cause nausea, scabies, the cancers, the crazies and a big ol booty. Click at your own risk – Tina Knowles HSN collection

I lovez you Tina!

Indies, in case none of you received the note I sent via carrier pigeon, I personally have a crush on Mrs. Tina Knowles *singing Here’s to you Mrs Robinson/Jesus loves you more than you will know*. Hot old chicks rock! However, anytime anyone starts peddlin’ wares on HSN, my spidey sense starts tingling and I get a huge rash on my butt the shape of Texas. We all know that the whole House of Dereon thing hasn’t gone so well since most of what they’ve put out can only be worn on stage ‘Survivin’ with Destiny’s Child or pattin yo weave on the set of Single Ladies. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still drank Beyonce’s bathin’ water after a rough and sweaty world tour but Dereon wasn’t what I thought it would be………………or actually it’s exactly what I thought it would be *sad face/disappointment in life*.

Everything’s just so random and the word “cohesive” is like a child no one wanted but no one had the courage to get rid of so they just ignore it. I stang by how yummi Tina Knowles make me feel on the inside part but it’s time to put this project sleep in the sweet rest of Jesus and euthanasia. Of course, I am talking about HSN and that’s where fashion is murdered slowly along with your salary. Which brings me to my 2nd point, I’ll be starting an HSN rehabilitation group soon……..not for me, for you………really………..don’t judge Z’maji!

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

BASH: Lindsay Lohan

Edited by Zmaji Robinson

With all this talk about war, I figured you Indies needed something stupid to take your minds off this grown up spat whilst we bust some skulls! Do you remember when you’d watch a Lindsey Lohan movie and before you knew it, you were drooling into your popcorn with the butter like oil substance? There was a time when that freckled bosom was the most searched for thing online. Search engines where crashing at the overwhelming quest of young boys and dirty geezers to find just a twinkle of milky white Mean Girl flesh…………..God, I’ve made me’self hot.

Now-a-days however, I’d rather watch Rosie O’Donnel win a wet t-shirt contest *shiver*. That might be a bit dramatic but I won’t take it back, I’m gangsta like that. However, the disco-stick in my craw is how people magnify her as the holy grail of fashion and style. There’s clearly a contagious fit of annuerisms and the crazies moving through the fashion community. What happened to that hot piece that was making crappy teen movies and bein all readheaded and hot and stuff? This is the problem with celebrity. I always compare fame to one of those sucky face spider things from the movie Alien, it’s ALWAYS gonna end real bad. It just sucks the life from you and all that’s left is an emaciated douchebag on auto-pilot. There is no way I would go near that. Dude, I mean, I wouldn’t hit it with YOUR junk!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Chrissy Siriano Fall 09 Sneak Peak

Edited by Zmaji Robinson

Y’know Indies, it feels like a CHICO’s kinda day (ewwww) so I wanted to treat you to some behind the scenes smut from Chrissy Siriano. Awwww, look at our little ferocia being all authoritative and influential and thangs. Everytime I see that gravity defying, razor sharp do, I get giddy all up and through my heart region……………all up and through *sniffle*. Now, I heard through sour grapes on the grapevine that someone, somewhere was sippin on a haterade martini beverage because Daniel Saynt was gonna crash Siriano’s showing at Fashion Week. You people just better thank Anna Wintour’s wig set that I wasn’t there to crash the show. The carnage I would’ve poured out on those poor little door people with their precious little lists. Fashion Week blood shed is just so PETA and you know how much I love them *finger down throat*. Now move, I came to see Chrissy.

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Candid, front row footage of the Siriano’s last season showing below, please don’t drool on out site, we’ll end you! No seriously, we’ll scratch out your eyes, we mean:

When Satan Photoshops…

Edited by Zmaji Robinson

Ooooo Aubrey, Giiiiirrrl, You Such A Natural Beauty and Stuff……

Today in Never-Ever land, somebody got airbrushed to the Motha McLovin T. The cover says it’s Aubrey but this lump of undefined silicon anime, doin it’s best Jessica Rabbit bit, couldn’t possibly be my sweet little church girl. I guess washing windshields at stop lights or goin to a temp agency to find a position of employment was out of the question. How do you go from multi-platinum girl group to servin up monkey fixins and sexy cakes in Playwhore? This is definitely not successful career planning We here as FashionINDIE frown upon such shady dealins.

Whomever let the little boy play with the photo shop software over there at the magazine needs a good shrapnel facial and a chemical peel with boiled tranny urine………I’m sorry, Extra Virgin Tranny Urine.

She looks like a bedazzled albino turd. It’s like RuPaul had too many of those microwaved pizza roll abominations and 2 hours later, after he calmed down from thinking he was having menstrual cramps, realized it was just a gut bubble, puckered and manured’ out God’s beloved that sits before you. Look at my angel all rouged and ready for a Kodak. DAMAGED indeed! Well I hope she at least got a box of Krispy Kremes out of it. I guess if it was a choice between suckin up to Diddly-Bops douchewater or playin Bingo with Hephner, I’d choose dry humps at the retirement home too. I love you so Aubrey……………..no, real talk, I really love you.

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

F*CK UPS: Lady Gaga

Edited by Zmaji Robinson

Oh my! That’s a whole lotta back’doe cakez Lady Gaga! I really didn’t want to do it but she made me do it. It’s like when someone keeps pushing you and pushing you and that little voice in your head turns demonic, egging you on to kill, maim and destroy but without messing up your mani & weave ponytail. Now I’ve enjoyed the crystal dresses and the holographic goggles, the gratuitous body painting and the unsettling way you share your crotch with the audience but visible corrective undergarments is where I have to shut this space shuttle to the cockeye-ded fool down, silly!

M’dear Goo-Goo, panty-hosen do not a pair of suitable trousers make. I know sometimes “lil Gaga” might want a fresh gulp of air but you need to do like rest of us and soak that girl in Evian before you leave the house or beam down from the Enterprise or materialize from the 12th of never or however you get where you’re going. Love You So Gaga……Goo!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

F*CK UPS: Tila Teqkillya

Edited by Zmaji Robinson

Behold the pure virginal holiness and sanctified church girl glam’ah of Asian American reality T.V. tiddiez. Now don’t get me wrong, Like any red blooded American male I likez breasticals just like the next pervert but a brassiere should not be worn as a shirt unless you’re a stripper, porno beaver about to perform despicable actz or an evening woman of questionable repute…………..of course, we are talking about Tila Teqkillya.

Okay, Mommi, I get it. You bought some fresh new silicon setz to prop up your bra meatz and you’d like to play show and tell with the rest of the class. However m’dear, you shouldn’t be allowing people to check out the groceries until they pay all surcharges, service and admission fees. I mean if’n you’re going to dress like a back alley, 360 degree, any-kinda-way-whore you should conduct your bidniss as such. Love ya Teqkillya.

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Jesus Take The Wheel And Exorcise The Demons!

Edited by Zmaji Robinson

A message from kwest on Vimeo.

House of Beyonkey Donkey

Edited by Zmaji Robinson

Beyonce is peddlin’ dresses for House of Dereon, but all I saw was caramel colored ‘thank ya Jesus’, packed into chiffon. I know many people have their reservations about Beyonkey Donkey and her maternal unit’s ideas about fashion but if these ads are any indication of what’s to come, I’d say we should get something that you could at least wear to a formal hoe-down or a pig sloppin’. OH-Paaaaa, I kid. Honestly, the two pieces presented in the ad are quite lovely and Dereon definitely has some restitution to perform for past offenses that shall remain nameless *cough* polyester nightie dress with lace trim *cough*

I still say that we should give ol’ McJiggleYums a chance………………..ahhhhh, JiggleYums *gurgling & incoherent*

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO