All Entries in the "The Bashed" Category

The Bashed: Drew Barrymore

Okay, is it just me or is Drew Barrymore (whose definitely pushing 40) trying a bit too hard to appear…youthful. I mean, she was just juggling the “I’m a Mac” guys balls in her mouth and now she’s channeling her inner grungette by sporting dual toned, missmatched Converse on the streets. I can’t stand this look cause it screams of inner angst, a look that’s only cool when your 13-16 and your parents refuse to drive you to the mall, of course in the normal youths lifespan this ends when you get your license. In Drews, it seems like it’ll never go away.

The Bashed: Eye Jewelry

I would probably rather be sprayed in the eyes with pepper spray then be caught dead with this junk dangling from my eyeballs. Dutch designer, Eric Klarenbeek, had the hair-brain idea of attaching crystals, flowers and other random objects by a medical wire to a contact lens. Really, if you want to look like you’re crying, save yourself the $350 and allow me to punch you in the face. 

Thanks TimesOnline!

Go to Hella Shuella!

Just when I thought rain-boots was the lowest anyone could stoop, I found these: The Shuella. They are exactly what they sound like, umbrellas for your shoes. But really, if I ever saw anyone wearing these, I’d expect them to be on a leash and wearing a helmet. If you’re going to rock out heels, rock them out all the way…God forbid your shoes get wet. What’s the point of wearing a cute pair of pumps if you have to peel off dirty, wet rubber shoe condoms at your final destination? It would have to take a tsunami for me to even consider wearing these rubber things.

My sincerest apologies to Alexandre Herchcovitch. Shuellas give rubber-esque heeled boots a bad name. 

Thanks for the photo Shopmycloset!

The Bashed: Lauren Conrad’s Fall 2008 Collection

It’s mid October and your homecoming dance is quickly approaching. Your friends include your pet hamster Squeaky and the lunch lady who serves you poorly prepared Sloppy Joes. Your ex-boyfriend dumped you so he could spend more time reading Anime and trading Pokemon cards. So, you want to start all over? Make a good impression? Well, wearing one of Lauren Conrad’s dresses to your homecoming dance is certainly not the way to do it.

Come on Lauren, you grew up in Beverly Hills for Christ sake and you work for Teen Vogue! Haven’t the playground of the rich, famous and fabulous and the fashion industry taught you anything? No girl wants to be caught dead dancing in a hunter green ruched halter dress! And to make matters worse, all of these designs have been done before- the strapless tuxedo look, the single shoulder bow, the Greek inspired draping. It looks like you and Whitney Port could use a collection makeover…and how!

And please, save teenage girls the humiliation and NEVER start a prom dress collection.

The Bashed: Whitney Port’s Eve & A

If you grew up with Rodeo Drive in your backyard, interned two summers at Womenswear Daily and currently hold the position as fashion contributor at Teen Vogue, we would certainly hope that you have at least an ounce of style. Well Whitney Port, you might be “The Hills” glamour Barbie, but your clothing line is anything but glamourous and falls miles short of being impressive. 

Port’s new cocktail and nightwear clothing line, Eve & A, was recently picked up by Kitson Boutique. But I guess I’m not the only one vomiting over Port’s poorly executed ruffle-neck dress or her hideously constructed, costume-like sequin dress. Port’s line is listed as Whitney Eve on the Kitson website…that isn’t even the name of her clothing line! Maybe Kitson is so embarrassed of their agreement to sell Port’s line that they changed the name so people couldn’t find it! 

And just look at those gnarly prices! Who in their right mind, especially with the current economic situation, would drop $400-$500 for such crap? I suggest you take that money and invest in some Campbell’s Soup stock.. Honestly, what is going to make you feel safer? A delicious homemade bowl of chicken noodle soup or knowing that one of those monstrous garments could potentially attack you in your sleep?

Thanks NY Magazine!

Jean Shorts: Denim Disaster or Blessed In Blue?

Sorry JT we don't do trailer park chic here, Oh and nice tribal tattoo

 Justin was recently snapped by the paparazzi in Italy with his soon to be wife (possibly?) Jessica Biel. I doubt he knocked the socks off any of the fashion thirty Italians with his Tennessee Tuxedo shorts. Shouldn’t the self proclaimed “William Rast” know that in a world of cropped pants and knee flashing, that his shorts are too long. The fashion world is built around killing bad trends, so why couldn’t JT get this right? Well lucky for you indies I am here to make a couple suggestions on rocking denim shorts, so next time you go to Italy for a quick vaca (yeah right) you’ll “bring the sexy back” rather than scare it away.

Try these Fremont shorts from Oak. They fit a bit slimmer and flash a some knee. The more knee the less ghetto!

These cool double waisted dark denim shorts from Ksubi allow a comfortable slouching look without the shorts being too long. They are damn stylish too.

And just because Fall is closing in doesn’t mean shorts are dead. Throw some leggings on, and you are good for another couple months. Sorry Justin but those Wrangler specials with that fake hole in the front just aren’t doing it for me.

Thanks to Celebslam and Oak for the images.

The Bashed: Vanessa Hudgens

As is a normal Ugg-session isn’t enough to land you on The Bashed, Vanessa Hudgens had to go out and buy Uggs with fringes. These may be the ugliest display of footwear I have ever seen. These moon boots make her tiny little feet look massive with those skinny jeans. Poor choice kid, don’t you know by now that you can’t be doing stuff like this? Your career isn’t that set in stone. Lose the boots and get some heels!

Thanks Just Jared

The Bashed: Last Night’s Project Runway

Is it just me, or are the producers of Project Runway Season 5 really scrambling for for creative challenges these days?  Wednesday nights used to mean an hour of neck to neck fashion design, but now, having sat through challenges for drag queens and designs made of car parts, I am reluctant to even turn on the television. Really people, this isn’t fashion design. This is a contest to see who smoked so much weed in high school that they have the ability to make garments out of used tires and table cloths. 

And last nights episode just put the cherry on top of an awful season. Not only did designers have to create outfits inspired by different music genres, they had to design it for a fellow competitor! You call that a challenge? They didn’t even have to take the other designers style or preferences into consideration! Basically, the challenge was to create a music inspired Halloween costume for someone who isn’t a 00. Let’s take a look how the garments turned out:

Korto’s punk rock design for Suede had him looking like he got stuck in the washing machine. Bleached jeans. Chains. Sideways studded belt. Torn strips on a shirt. This is what you need to win? Suede looks like a tool…and a woman.

Kenley’s hip-hop design for Leanne looked like clothes for one of those borderline slutty, pathetic Bratz dolls. Those have got to be the most unflattering pants I’ve ever seen…and what’s with the 80’s print shirt? Personally, I think little Miss Bitch and Moan should have gone home last night. 

Uhh, so did Suede decide to skip the rock and roll designing and send Jerell straight onto the runway? This looks like something he would wear on a daily basis (minus the ridiculous head pieces or military hats). And those pants…a bit too tight. Those of us who watched last night got a zoom-in on Jerell’s family jewels. 

My props to Leanna who had to design around Korto’s trunk junk, but if it weren’t for plaid, I wouldn’t have known this was a country inspired design. Anyone else notice the pucker of fabric in Korto’s crotch?

Jerell’s pop design for Kenley wasn’t trashy, but it sure as hell wasn’t flattering. Kenley looked like a slightly sexed up version of Hannah Montana with silver cups over her AA sized boobs. Really, I could find this exact outfit at Party City in the clearance section. 

Anyone else miss Christian Siriano or Jeffrey Sebelia just as much as I do? At least they were talented. So long Suede. Your awful blue mohawk and irregular third-person commentary were fun while they lasted. Here’s to you Corey…

This is what love looks like.

Thanks for the photos BRAVO TV!

You Too Can Look Like Carrie Bradshaw For Three Easy Payments, Plus Shipping!

Patricia Field, designer for “Sex and the City”, created a line for the Home Shopping Network that is pathetic on so many levels. Allow me to enlighten you:

1) These clothes are god awful. Red metallic pants? A tea dress made from your grandma’s old moo-moo? A shirt that has more shoes than you do? A shimmery rose top missing a sleeve? A little black dress decorated (or should I say dilapidated) by a hideous silver and gold tropical flower? Come on Patricia Field, you design for TV’s sex goddesses…none of your customers will get laid wearing these ugly things.

2) If you buy any item from the Patricia Field collection, you will get a free subscription to Vogue Magazine. Is Vogue really that desperate for readers that they will go as far as giving away free subscriptions to women who probably have never heard of the magazine? I’d buy the horrid metallic leggings just for the free subscription!

3) This one has got to be my ultimate favorite. Yes, you can pay for the Patricia Field collection through installments! Are you really dying to buy the ugly $29.90 turquoise pleated scarf? Only work 2 hours each week cleaning bathrooms at rest-stops? Not to worry! Three payments of $9.97 and the unsightly scarf is all yours! Yes, and you still get the Vogue subscription! But don’t get too excited…the shipping and handling fee of $6.21 is all due with the first payment. Looks like you’re going to have to skip out on the Starbucks for a few days!

Rihanna Done With Um-ber-ella, ella, ella, eh eh…Going Into Fashion

Yesterday at the Gucci show in Milan, Rihanna confirmed she’s going to create her own fashion line.

“I can’t say when it will be released, but it’s definitely going to happen,” she told WWD.

“I’m not one to rush into anything. I want to take my time.”

We can’t sum up our commentary/advice better than NY Mag already has:

• Make it exclusively for Topshop if you can. It sounds better, and you can be besties with Sir Philip Green!
• Don’t try to sell it at Saks Fifth Avenue because people will just laugh at you.
• Don’t try to sell it at Forever 21, because that’s too easy.
• Please resist the temptation to make horrendously embellished over-the-knee boots.
• Carrie Bradshaw couldn’t make feather/ruffle-assed skirts happen years ago and your VMA performance can’t now so please don’t pretend people actually want to wear them.
• Don’t branch into skunk-inspired hairpieces.
• If you have a fashion show, perform at it. And invite us.

Oh how we strongly agree…