All Entries in the "I'm Over It" Category

I’m Over It: Bedazzlers

There is nothing more annoying than coming home from work and discovering that someone or something has ruined your stuff. The dog ripped your leather bag to shreds, the cat tore the couch cushions apart or water leaked into your closet and ruined five pairs of your shoes (yes, this happened to me two weeks ago). Some of these incidents cannot be avoided due to animal instinct or old apartment buildings. But in certain situations, a bit of careful thought goes a long way to prevent the after-work-oh-fuck mishap. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the Bedazzler. Referred to as “the hottest craft item in America” on MyBedazzler.com, this thing can do some serious damage. I would know because I had one, and I used it without mercy. Anything left out in the war zone was free game for mass destruction- canvas shoes, leather jackets, stuffed animals, silk ties and even dirty socks. I had a denim hat that was so Bedazzled, it weighed 7 pounds and gave me migraines. Luckily, this phase wore off and my family’s possessions are finally safe. But I see grown women, men and campus students who are going though the same horrors and turmoil my kin once experienced. Their shining beacons of studded denim jackets, handbags and hats stands as a warning for everyone who owns or knows some one who owns this crafty little tyrant: IT’S TIME TO DITCH THE BEDAZZLERS!

I’m Over It: Club Wear

There isn’t much to do when you’re a 16-year-old suburban teenager who just got her driver’s license. The novelties of sitting at Starbucks and hanging out at Denny’s wear off really fast. Luckily (I think), my friends and I found a Sunday night teen dance party at a club in Akron, OH. It was a country western themed bar called “The Boot” that locked away it honky-tonk tunes and cowboy boots on the day of rest so bored teenagers could fill it to fire-hazard capacity. We strategically planned a “study sleepover,” kissed our parents goodbye, filled water bottles with 99 Bananas and piled into someone’s rusty car. For a fee of $5, you got sweaty teens grinding on each other, bad rap music, the occasional knife-fight and a vast sea of skanktastic fashion.

I usually wore a tank top and jeans, both made of natural fabrics that covered the better part of my body. But the majority of girls looked like a spandex/glittered/backless mess. Sequined butterfly tops barely covering the nipples were strapped onto overly tan torsos with single flimsy strings. Ass-crack revealing jeans that were certainly not Alexander McQueen caused a stir when getting low with Lil’ John. I’m sure the bartenders swept up a literal ton of glitter at the end of the night. Unfortunately, I sometimes still see this club wear popping up around the neighborhood. I hope you enjoyed my trip down memory lane. Lamentably, some adults haven’t grown out of this stage yet.

Thanks to GreatGlam.com for the truly horrifying photos!

I’m Over It: Skulls

You’re not Captain Jack Sparrow. You’re not a grave-digger. You’re not an archeologist. So what’s the deal with all of these skull adorned clothes, shoes and accessories? Just because you’ve got a silk scarf with a skull on it doesn’t make you a bad-ass or even fashionable. Sorry skull lovers, you look death obsessed and borderline suicidal. Do yourself a favor and bury your skull crap before it starts to rot anymore than it already has.

Thanks for the photos Popgloss!

I’m Over It: The “Cool” Mom

Some skanky Hockey Mom.

Amy Poehler...the "cool" mom in Mean Girls.

Let’s face it, there is nothing cool about moms that wear pink velour Juicy Couture sweatsuits, flaunt their belly-button piercings, show off their cleavage to their kid’s friends, smell like a baby prostitute or wear Rock and Republic jeans. Really, anyone over the age of 40 that goes out looking like they are about to hit up a high school dance should be given a reality check. Yes, you are old. No, you shouldn’t be wearing your 14-year-old daughter’s clothes. Yes, you turn heads…but not in a good way. No, you are not cool.

If there is one thing I really applaud, it is a woman who embraces her age and dresses for it. Dressing like a “mom” doesn’t mean you lose fashion and sex appeal. My mom looks killer in her Ralph Lauren blazers, Brooks Brothers sweaters and Calvin Klein jeans…and seeing that she has been married to my dad for 31 years means she must be looking good! 

Take my advice. If your mom has nicer clothes than you do, gets her nails done more frequently, dyes her hair obsessively and compliments your friend on her “stellar” heels, I recommend you ditch her while she’s shopping at Guess and head for higher ground. In the meantime, I’ll be hitting up 5th Ave with my cool mom.

I’m Over It: The Brain Restrictor

So two of our writers simultaneously decided to write about their hatred for headbands…

From Andy Wass

What are these even called? I need to differentiate them from regular headbands. So forehead bands are obviously for when you’re going for the Bret Michaels/goddess look.

Now, I generally LOVE bohemian and Native American-inspired looks.  But the reason I’m sick of these little headbands is because, as Mischa Barton has showed us countless times, they are SO difficult to pull off, yet girls insist on wearing them.  I don’t know if my hair is too greasy, or my head is deformed, but when I’ve tried to wear a string around my face, it only stays in place until I start moving or sneeze or talk or breathe or blink. Then it slides down or up and makes the top of my hair resemble a bicycle helmet.

Also, my general philosophy is that if everyone is wearing the same thing, I become such the contrarian and trend-stopper.  I’m tempted to sneak downtown with a pair of scissors and just snip these headbands off girls’ heads while they aren’t looking.  So please let your brains relax and keep your hair dent-free.

First image from Urban Outfitters.

From Yael Friedman

Ever wonder why some celebrities seem so stupid? I mean not just dropped on the head as a baby dumb, or raised by Britney Spears dumb, but really missing a chromosome or two dumb. It just might be cuz they have giant sticks up there asses, but, wait, that’s not it, since most of them got that removed the first time they rushed to the docs for lipo.

So what’s the answer?

This fashion detective finally figured it out; it’s those wicked tight headbands worn Indian Chief Style that keeps the oxygen from flowing into their brains. It’s this which leads them to say and do things that seem totally insane to normal people. This is not meant to diss headbands or Native Americanos, but when you’re wearing a headband that makes you loose all feeling in your brain, then you are caught talking about the evils of the world and why no one is fetching you your Redbull, it’s time to take it off.

Sidenote, is it just me or have you noticed that when a celebrity gets arrested they’re usually wearing something around her head? Coincidence?  I think not…

Indies, let me know which opinion you agree with more!

I’m Over It: Malls

Oh the bastard child of suburbia and commercial retail, how I loathe you. Indoors, outdoors, wherever you may be, please fuck off. Unfortunately for Northeastern Ohio, malls are the only options available for shopping. Yes, there are a few, small locally run boutiques and novelty shops, but they are found very far and few between.

It’s not just the establishment itself, but what malls hold inside may scare those who have never shopped there before. Merry-go-rounds holding screaming children and bored parents. Massive herds of 13-year-old, jean skirt-wearing, white eyeliner-eyeballed monsters whining at Tommy or Jimmy to “stop poking her in the boob.” Clowns making balloon animals and painting faces while cackling profusely. Not to mention Ugg displays, women sprinting after you with stinky perfume samples, the smell of rotting fast food, cell phone kiosks and weirdoes stealing pennies from disease ridden fountains. As I am forced to bear the dangerous elements associated with malls, I realize what won’t kill me will only make me stronger. And it makes me incredibly grateful for the freestanding stores that await me in New York.

I’m (Way) Over It: Puffy Vests

For shame Paris! You should be embarrassed!

Whoever decided that the resurrection of puffy vests for Fall 2008 was acceptable is terribly mistaken. Take a sleeping bag, throw a zipper on it, and several of your cat’s regurgitated hair balls and you’ve got yourself another hideous puffy vest. I know, I know…they can be substituted for a coat in the cooler months and are oh, so cozy warm. Well, I don’t care. You look like another one of those preppy, Abercrombie obsessed conformists with no taste. And did you ever consider how many teddy bears could have been made out of this sorry excuse for fashion? I could have sworn that puffy vests were long gone when the last leaf fell in Fall 2007, so why on earth am I already seeing them out again? Personally, I’d rather be smothered to death by a puffy vest than be caught dead wearing one. 

Thanks for the photos The Budget Babe.

I’m Over It: The Raccoonier Eye

Totally the hat my grandpa wore to his POW meetings

Silly girl, rock/grunge wannabes don't smile.

You better know when to fold'em.

Something about having too much eyeshadow and not enough death metal on your iPod always manages to throw me off. A look that’s being raised from the dead in beauty is literally a look that makes you look like you just walked off the set of Thriller. The black-eyed, overly mascaraed trend is one which needs to rest in peace. No woman looks good like this, with the exception of true grungers/rocker types,  but it’s only made so much worse in the collection of Ashish cause the face doesn’t seem to match the collection, which looks like a mix of Mary-Kate meets Grannies Bridge club in Florida. Of course, when we saw a similar attempt at Alexander Wang’s last season, which was a truly rock-derivative collection, it was all the rage, but here the Raccoon is all the wrong you need to avoid.

On the other side of the coin, some of you may argue that raccoons are cute little creatures with a sense of mischief that is fun to imitate through eye shadow. Let me warn you the image on the next page may shock you and completely change your ideas of raccoons.

DO NOT CLICK IF YOU ARE FAINT OF HEART OR DON’T APPRECIATE SOME RIKERS ISLAND STYLE ACTION IN THE MORNING.

I’m Over It: Saggy Jeans

We all know that baggy jeans for guys are totally out of style. That being said, why on earth do we find it necessary to wear slim fit jeans practically falling off our asses? No, it’s not cute. No, all the girls aren’t drooling over your Calvin Klein underwear-ed ass. No, seeing your happy trail isn’t sexy. Yes, you look like a fool. 

Slim fit and skinny jeans are meant to be worn at the waist, not the thigh, or worse…the knees. Politicians in Louisiana towns agree, sending some boxer-bearing boys to jail for up to six-months or charging them $500 for public indecency. It’s about time saggy jeans became a fashion crime!

I’m Over It: Victoria’s Secret Pink Sweatpants

Hangovers are terrible. I sympathize with students who are forced to attend class after a night of irresponsible drinking. Yes, it’s foolish to stay at the bar until 2 a.m. on a Tuesday, but let’s face it; college is about being immature and reckless before getting a real job. However, there is no excuse for not being able to throw on the crumpled, 3-month-unwashed, comfortable jeans slung over your computer chair. Instead, I see about 600 girls a day wearing Pink sweatpants. It doesn’t matter if the temperature is 95 or -5 degrees outside, people wear these sweatpants to class on a daily basis. You had time to put on a full face of cakey makeup but couldn’t button your jeans? Time management, people, time management. And these sweatpants aren’t cheap either; I’ve seen some pairs that sell for $50! I can buy awesome old man sweatpants at Goodwill for $2, and people spend 25 times that amount to look like the same pile of hung over crap. Unless you are going to be a gym teacher, learn how to make that hangover look appropriate ASAP…chances are your future employer won’t tolerate pink, rhinestone-covered sweatpants in the office.

Photos: OCregister.com, Blogger.com