The Bashed
Parties We Missed - Rodarte Celebrates the Mulleavy Sisters Me Cover
This Thursday we missed the Mulleavy’s celebration of their upcoming Me magazine cover.I’ve been biting my tongue on these girls, especially Kate, who seem to be able to create some of the most timeless American couture pieces of our day and yet are completely unable to dress themselves. And before any heifers out there start a riot, let me stress that this has nothing to do with the girls being morbidly obese (not my standards, strictly fashions). It does have everything to do with there desire to always rock dated jeans and black tops. It’s okay to have a little meat on them bones, but when you resort to default chunky wear, well the gloves come off hunnies. Please take some of your monies and hire a stylist/dietician (I here Rachael Zoe is poking around for some spotlight) and get on the fast track to fashion fabulousness, if not you’ll be better known for your expanding waist line than your amazing ability to design.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Scientology - Screwin’ With Fashion For The Glory Of Xenu
Dear Mrs. Holmes-Cruise,
“Help!”
In light of the information that you will be “designing” your own death shrouds clothing line for Armani, this is your official warning. If you DARE to make a bunch of pretentious crap with pricetags that can only be paid for with prostitution…. NOTHING, NOT EVEN XENU & ALL THE OTHER SCIENTOLOGY EXTRATERRESTRIALS WILL BE ABLE TO SAVE YOU FROM THE WRATH TO COME THAT IS Z’MAJI, play with me if you want heffa! Now aside from my promise to DESTROY your life if you screw with the fashion consumers, I actually am really becoming fond of you and your newfound sense of style. I think that since you’ve gotten with Tommy, your look has totally improved but that is one of the perks of being Mrs. Cruise…..that and your career flops……..oh and after you bare his seed your womb is decimated to shreds of flesh, never to produce life again…
“If you watch closely, her eyelids are batting out S.O.S.”
- In the love of whyte Jesus, Z’maji
-Z’maji, “Do screw with me sweetie, I really will hurt you!”
Popularity: 1% [?]
Getting Old Sucks, Unless Your Kimora
Kimora Lee Simmons seems to have stopped the hands of time, at least in her ad for Fabulosity perfume (seriously, there is a Fabulosity perfume coming out and there is very little you can do to stop it). Below a photo of her in her add for the new fragrance, which makes her look like a 20 year old and further below, Kimora in real life.
The photoshopped Kimora
The real deal
Seriously, is there some unspoken rule against getting old!!! It’s okay if you’re not on the front of everything Kimora, you’re a bit older and with that age comes some really great things like senior discounts at the movies and being able to remember things from the 80’s.
(Image via Getty)
Popularity: 1% [?]
Arab Parrot Might Be My New Best Friend
Arab Parrot is a nightlife photographer who hates alot of the the things I hate. I think he may be my long lost twin. Check out some of the hate that matches my own and the full list at Arab Parrot. This dude is vile. I think I’m in love.
3. STEVE AOKI/COBRASNAKE, STOP PHOTOSHOPPING YOUR HEADS ONTO SHIT, YOU’RE FUCKIN WAK. ASO FUCK ANYONE IN BED WITH THOSE HOMOS
5. “STREETWEAR”
10. PEOPLE WHO ASK ME WHY I HATE STEVE AOKI/ COBRASNAKE
14.PEOPLE WHO ” HAVE A LINE”, LIKE HAVING A CLOTHING LINE IS SOME ORIGINAL SHIT
19. AMERICAN CRAPPARAREL
20. ED HARDY
21. PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY ARE MOVING TO NY AS IF THEY WILL BE COOL THERE?
23. GAY ASS CLUB KIDS WITH STRING BANDANAS IN NEON
24. PEOPLE WEARING SUNGLASSES AT NITE
25. GUPPY KIDS WHO WAIT IN LINE FOR SHIT EVEN THO THE STORE THEY ARE WAITING OUTSIDE OF THINK THAT THEY’RE WAK
28.PEOPLE WHO BUY & RESELL KERMIT THE FROG TEE’S ON EBAY
29. ANY OTHER MUPPETS OR FRAGGLES OR SESAME STREET CHARACTERS ON A T SHIRT
31.STORES SELLING VINTAGE GEAR FOR MAD LOOT WHO WEREN’T EVEN BORN WHEN THAT SHIT WAS COOL IN THE FIRST PLACE
32. PEOPLE WEARING ROPE CHAINS
33. LIL GUPPY RICH BITCHES WHO AREN’T EVEN HOT BUT HAVE MAD EXPENSIVE GEAR ON THAT DADDY BOUGHT THEM
38. PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY’RE COOL BECAUSE OF THE STORE THEY WORK AT. YOU’RE A FUCKIN CLERK, GET ME A SIZE 10 & SHUT THE FUCK UP.
43. PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE COOL CUZ THEY LIVED IN NEW YORK FOR A FEW YEARS, YOU AIN’T SHIT
47. PEREZ HILTON
68.MARY KATE & ASHLEY
71.ANYONE IN FEDORAS, VANS, RAYBANS, & A FLANNEL, EXCEPT CHRIS GARCIA
Popularity: 2% [?]
Another Day, Another Hipster Party Blog
Hipster party blogs tend to be popping up faster than a boner on prom night. The Vagabond Set is the newest, completely unoriginal, shit fest for celebrating those crazy hipsters. To get their site off to a good start they photographed Cory Kennedy defiling an American flag and 15 minutes and counting hall of famer Henry Holland.
What’s the deal with these sites? Is it really all that fun to see who went to a party you didn’t get invited too?
Oh, yeah and big surprise two people were wearing those stupid ass Kanye West glasses. Of course, if you asked them why they willingly dressed like douche bags, they’ll just say they were being ironic or something.
Cory
Popularity: 2% [?]
The Cobra Snake is 25% into Saving Africa
Kudos to every hipster’s favorite “photographer” the Cobra Snake for donating 25% of the profits from his ego stroking Save Africa tee to an unnamed charity that aims to “save the continent.”
And since these tees are limited to 350 pieces, that 25% contribution will surely be instrumental in curing A.I.D.S. and eradicating hunger within the continent.
We’re pretty sure that Snake will probably spend the other 75% on even more noble causes, like cocaine and trying to buy talent.
Source: Satchel of Gravel
Popularity: 1% [?]
Jenny Garth : Croc Whore
Further proof that no matter how washed up and useless you are in Hollywood, there will always be someone to pay you something for a product endorsement. This is just as pathetic as her “take it in the butt” husbands attempt to seem like this is some sort of “happy family”. We know she dressed you this morning. No one with a testicle owns a canary yellow sweater and white khakis. Plus any family that wears Crocs together cannot possibly be happy!!!
I wonder how much Jenny girl got paid for this. It must have been substancial considering she had to get most of her family on board as well. I can see the conversation now…
King Croc (aka Scientologist leader L.Ron Hubbard’s re-animated head) - “So Jenny, we want you to be the new spokesperson for Scien - um - ah - I mean Crocs.”
Jenny Garth - “Listen buddy, how much does the gig pay. I got a family of four and a latino pool boy named Philipe my husband doesn’t want us to get rid of, even though we don’t have a pool. I need some serious cash to pay for another round of botox and waxing for my hubbies taint.”
KC - “Jenny, we want all RPs (recessive personalities) to engage Crocs and discover the need to had over their lives as official CDs (Croc Devotees). We already have Ludacris on board to get us the ODBs (old dirty bastards) from the UM (urban market) and now we need you to get us the SMs (soccer moms) and SADs (stay at home dads - yes, the acronym is SAD)”
Jenny - “Do I get paid extra if my husband and kids wear them too?”
KC - “Yes, Sciento - um ahem - Crocs are a family oriented brand. We want everyone to embrace them.”
Jenny - “Sounds good. Hey while I’m here, do you think you can get me on the 90210 remake 902102 (yes, that is the name of the new 90210 show. 902102. I guess Laguna Beach was taken.)”
KC - “How about a recurring role as Brenda 2.0s coke addicted guidance counselor.”
Jenny - “How about the role of Andrea, the old one, I’m about her age now?”
KC - “I was pushing John Travolta for that role. His drag turn in Hairspray makes him a shoe in.”
Popularity: 2% [?]
Fame-Whoring Your Way to Fashion Credibility
The reality-celebrity is a West Coast invention. As a former Los Angeles resident, and a native Angeleno, I can tell you living there is a bit like a Twilight Zone episode. Anything west of Sunset, is like driving into a David Lynch film. You have fake-actors pretending to be Charlie Chaplin and Marilyn Monroe along the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Fifteen photographers hounding some non-celebrity right next to homeless man begging for change. And all along Beverly Hills, aged beauty queens with more plastic in them than Amanda Lepore.
In short, it’s all about whoring yourself out.
With the new season of ‘The Hills‘ premiering tonight, a new trend in whoring yourself has begun. Whoring yourself into credibility. Or at least trying to. Lauren Conrad has been everywhere this past week, reminding us that her ambition is not to be followed around by a camera crew but rather for FASHION! Because let’s remember fashion is newest career choice for the vapid. You know what being a model/actress was a decade ago.
In the Weekend Editon of the Wall Street Journal (Yes the great Wall Street Journal actually wrote an article about that chick from the Hills) Conrad’s ‘team’ talk about building the Conrad brand. Since the beginning of the Hills run, Conrad has had an agent by the name of Max Stubblefield. In their first meeting she stressed that her real interest was being a fashion designer. Thus her agent plunged into the ubiquity of celebrity branding. In the past two years, Stubblefield has landed Conrad numerous licensing and endorsement deals. That’s busnisness speak for ‘other people do the work and a relatively famous person puts their name on it’. Then last Tuesday, Conrad debuted her first collection at Los Angeles Fashion Week, the Special Olympics of all the fashion weeks. And how was her collection? I’d say she has a future in design, if she were designing for Forever 21 that is. Because her clothing were blatant rip off of other designers. But buyers don’t listen to me because her clothing is featured in 500 boutiques around the country!!!
Do you hear that Fashion Indie readers? That’s the sound of indie designers throwing themselves from their apartment windows cause they just realized that instead of heading to four years at an accredited school like my near and dear Parsons, they should have been out whoring themselves for MTV, Bravo, or any other camera crew willing to follow their sorry asses around. (I hear that Girls Gone Wild is back on the prowl, hmmm?)
The problem with Lauren Conrad can best be described as a major problem with society and our respect for the craft and dedication to the art of fashion. Hopefully Ms. Conrad’s latest endevour fades faster than a Paris Hilton flick that doesn’t include a money shot.
If not she’ll always have the camera crews!
Popularity: 2% [?]
L.A. Fashion Week: Crimes Against Humanity
It’s so funny that the government is ‘crackin down on Islamic extremist’ but will allow these acts of terrorism to continue on the runway. I’m always left confused and disoriented after LAFW, thank GAWD for Dramamine. It’s like pop culture has bulimia and once a year it purges itself all over the Los Angeles fashion world……what a lover’ly analogy huh? It never does much for me. But of course it is Disney Land, oops, I mean Los Angeles. Why don’t we take a look at a few of my favorite blasphemies…..
Ladies I know you always looked at your mothers ugly old couch and said to yourself, ”that would make a cute dress”……..voila! The Lord hath provided, Thank Ya Jesus!
Cheap lingerie, yeast infection anyone?
Keep your children out of the sewing room
French Maid? Taking role play to an all new low
I think they stole this off that homeless lady that stands on the corner screamin’ obscenities at traffic
P.S. Love Ya L.A.
-Z’maji, The Glam’Rist
Popularity: 2% [?]
Souja Boy Gets a Clothing Line
I was trying to be funny on this, but the fact of the matter is I’m a hater who will now proceed to bitch and hate.
WHAT THE FUCK!!! Who the fuck decided to give this little turd a fashion line!!! It’s disturbing that every rapper with a hit song feels they can launch a fashion label. If I shopped urban wear, which I don’t because of shit like this, I would be absolutely pissed the fuck out if a company tried to market this over-branded, mass produced garbage to me. What has street wear come too where your only options in the hip-hop community is to look like an over-saturated Saturday morning cartoon character, wearing BAPES and Kid Robot, or a label whore gansta representing G-Unit or worse, Souja Boy.
I get that the kid can come up with a catchy ring tone song and yes, I can’t help but jump a little to the left and right when it comes on, but there is no way in Vogue that this should be allowed. STOP BUYING THIS SHIT AND MAYBE THEY WILL STOP MAKING IT!!! SUPPORT REAL DESIGNERS PEOPLE, NOT OVERPAID CELEBRITIES WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO!!!
Also, here’s a recent comment from a reader who felt we we’re “racist” for our recent post on “ghetto fabulous dont’s“.
“Yall stupid, i mean do you think thouse people who wears thouse clothing talks about you style of wearing for the entire world to read? NO. people respect. yes we think you people who wears tite pants look stuped ass hell. I reather have my bf wear ghetto style then wear normal clothing. + I dont think you would like if we open an web site to talk about people style of clothing. is not even worth because the world is NOT going to change because of your racism”
Okay sweetie, before you leave a comment on our site can you spell check or something. This paragraph hurts my head. + I don’t wear “tite pants”, but I do feel it looks better when your clothes fit than when it looks like you shopped at the Big & Tall. It’s not racist to have a good sense of style hun.
Popularity: 2% [?]
The True Lives Of Hanger-Ons
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a leech as ‘a carnivorous or bloodsucking worm with a flattened segmented body‘.
Enter exhibit ‘A’ :
Can’t you see the family resemblance?
Jason Preston is the boy bumpin uglies with plagiarist Marc Jacobs and just between you and me……………and the 1000 of others that read this blog, I’m not sure who’s playin the woman in this on again-off again relationship. Now even tho I’m not a die-hard fan of Marcie, I kinda respect the fact that he’s built this impressive empire in the fashion world, despite the fact that it’s been made off of the ideas and designs of other artists *zing*.
However it is never good when a grown man with serious coinage like Mr. Jacobs is doin the nasty with young boys with Meth Face. ESPECIALLY, when said young boy was a hoe! oops, I’m sorry, I mean an escort, Lord Jesus, where are my manners, shoulda completed finishin’ school. The Gays should know that the term, “you can’t make a hoe a housewife,” which surprisingly enough, still rings true even when your playing catcher and receiver for the “other team”.
You wanna know whats really sad tho’, is when grown men pimp themselves for a warm bed and a hot meal. Red Cross clearly isn’t doin their job. And what’s with the Marc Jacobs tattoo on the forearm (and the Mariah tattoo on his oddly shaped stomach), that adds a whole new meaning and perversion to the term “label whore”. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m worried. Every time I see Marcie he looks just a little more drained and I believe that little bloodsucker has something to do with it (of course it could just be the blow).
I don’t really care about either one…….I’m just sayin’ maybe if Marcie wasn’t so busy havin’ sexy time with Ms. Jason and random little boys, he could actually come up with original designs, but maybe it’s asking too much of a designer to design….
-Z’maji, The Glam’Rist
_____________________________________
Shopping for women has always been an arduous task, buying victorias secret from one end of the world, and bcbg shoes from the other. In fact even in a shoes store, the guess shoes you are looking for will end up far away.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Uhhhhhh Andre, I’m Gonna Say No!
Why is it that every rapper with a modicum of celebrity feels that they automatically should become a quote un-quote designer. Now regardless of the fact that Andre 3000 is a highly successful artist, his track record in the style department is more like a criminal record at Rykers and some body’s gettin gang-banged in the yard.
However, bein’ the gentle soul that I am *crickets*, I always give everyone a chance to prove that they will fail………wait, lemme try that again. Even tho’ I keep a positive mind-set until people make a complete fool of themselves………..mm-mm, that’s not it either. Let’s try something totally different. Andre 3000 is crazier than a soup sandwich, therefore expect his line to reflect that state of mind.
I’m really just a douchebag that enjoys thinking up the best cracks that I can put into a post, cuz honestly, Andre’s kinda serious about this. He’s funded the whole line himself, gotten advice from Anna Wintour, and sketched the clothes all by himself. The collection, Benjamin Bixby, is inspired by 1930’s style with collegiate sweater jackets, fedoras, waistcoats, riding boots and other things your great grand daddy donated to the Goodwill. Here’s to Andre doing something different I just hope this isn’t one of the pieces:
I actually really love Andre, but he’s still 2 scoops of ‘taters short of a family bucket at KFC.
-Z’maji, The Glam’Rist
Popularity: 7% [?]
A Cool Sip Of I Don’t Give A Shart For Cory Kennedy
Indies, please stop gettin all excited and soiling yourselves over every waif that shows up at some shindig lookin like a 3rd world malaria victim. Cory Kennedy? What has she done that’s so friggin special? C’mon? Some photog with to much free time took a few pics of her…….she had a few to many pills and danced on a table……..she vomited on Marc Jacobs at a potluck, WHAT?!?! Does dressin like you just got accosted in an alley at gun point automatically make you a fashionista now-a-days?
I mean the lunacy is spreadin’ like a venereal disease at the Hilton what with Gawker calling her the “Internet It Girl”, Nylon Magazine goin ape-ass crazy and doin a shoot of her, even New York Magazine and L.A. Times have lost all sense of intelligence and mentioned her for……..for……..um……
Since Daniel has issued a mandate that we boycott any and every idiot that would endorse Perez Hilton ((MOOOO!!!)), I think we should do the same for Miss Cory, until she actually does something that we can know her for instead of random pics of her doin crap while lookin a homeless, hungover mess. I know, I’ll bring a can of gasoline, everybody else bring a copy of her Nylon shoot for tender and we’ll burn her in effigy.
For those that agree send your hate mail here: http://www.uber.com/corykennedy
P.S. And Another Thing, it don’t make no sense to let yo’ hair look like a gaggle of flyin rats live in it, especially when a bottle of ‘Head & Shoulders’ cost only 7 bucks……fashionista?! PLEAZE, fashionista these nutz!!!
Popularity: 1% [?]