Everyone seems to be freaking the fuck out about these snaps from the House of Dereon’s new kids collection. Apparently someone doesn’t think “fuck me” pumps and five year olds mix. Personally, I don’t think this message is to far off from the one we’ve been promoting on the Disney Channel or in tabloid media. Women are discovering at a much younger age the need to be “sexualized”. Yes, it is disgusting, but like the Miley Cyrus backlash, this is just another attempt to place blame in the wrong direction. Should you be pissed at Beyonce’s momma for hawking this shit, or at the idiots who buy it for their kids?

Personally, while I do think the collection is extremely tacky, I don’t see anything wrong with heels on little girls. What girl or boy hasn’t attempted to walk in their mom’s heels (It was once, I was 6, and had it not been caught on tape it probably wouldn’t have been as big as a deal as it has become. Especially, love it when Mama Saynt shows it to my prospective love interests. Nothing says question your boyfriend’s sexuality faster than a video of him strutting in stilletoes. Thanks mom.)? Regardless, I think it’s weird to see girls at such a young age in heels, skinny jeans, and make-up, but isn’t this how children are displayed on shows like The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Hanna Montana, and High School Musical?

Where should we draw the line when it comes to decency amongst children? Oh, yeah at home. If you don’t want your kids looking like tramps, don’t buy it, but quit being such a mom blogger and freaking out about it on the web, it’s annoying and know one cares about you flipping opinion.

Yeah, this seems bad, but it could be a lot, lot worse..

Apple Bottoms for babies?

Popularity: 1% [?]

You must be aware by now that white wayfinders and fedoras are just about over-the-hill in the world of trendsetting fashion items, right?  If not here is one final nail in the coffin of style for all you hanger-ons. Janice Dickenson decided she would join the young’uns by fishing in her closet for items she actually once wore in the 80s.

Vintage wayfinders. Check. Vintage fedora. Check. Vintage faded jeans. Check. Vintage set of milk bags. Double check.

I think we can officially put this trend to rest. When 50 year old grandmas start rocking your look it usually signifies an end.

[Los Angeles, May 6. Image via x17. Photo from Jezebel.com]

Popularity: 1% [?]

Why in the fLuck would any parent with half a brain cell ever decide to pick up this toy for their child? At least Barbie has a job and a dream house!!! Who exactly is the Paris Hilton blow up doll being marketed to? Little girls who dream of being porn stars? I can only imagine the accessories, a half-dead chihuahua, a sidekick, inflatable breasts, and diet pills. The doll probably comes with amazing binging abilities and daddies magical unlimited credit card.

Here’s a list of some of Paris’ accomplishments and why they really don’t warrant her being immortalized in plastic.

Had a two second role in Zoolander. Nearly ruined the whole movie.
Officially made it not hot when she trademarked the phrase “That’s Hot”.
Was impaled in House of Wax. Quite possibly the best movie ever.
You may not be aware but she once starred in a sex tape. One Night In Paris is officially her highest grossing movie ever.
Was on a show called The Simple Life with on-again, off-again love interest Nicole Richie. The show just proved how simple Paris really was. In one episode she wondered what a WalMart was and tried to sexually assault a 16 year old boy. W0o hoo, pedophilia!
Dated a slew of greasy, disgusting men. Filmed sex tapes with nearly everyone as back-up for career boosts in the future.
Was arrested and sent to jail for drunk driving. Cried the whole way to prison. Quite possibly the best movie ever.
Listed by PETA as one of the worse pet owners in history. Once animals hit the Hilton residence they rarely make it out alive. (Has anyone seen Tinkerbell lately?)
Contracted herpes.
Stared in The Hottie and the Nottie. Surprisingly she was the Hottie.
Decided to be the grossest living creature on the planet by dating her best friends boyfriends twin brother. Icky!!!
Starred in a series of tapes in which she snorted coke of a mans bare, hairy belly (chest is for men with abs this dude had a stomach), made fun of poor people, made fun of homosexuals, and showed her tits to any one who asked to see them.
Released and album called Stars are Blind. Unfortunately for Paris they aren’t deaf.

Sex videos, arrests, and sucky albums. That’s right folks, Paris Hilton is he white female version of R.Kelly. Now would you really want you child to play with an R.Kelly toy? Probably not. So please, feel free to burn down any toy store that carries this doll. You’ll be doing the world a hell of a lot of good.

Popularity: 1% [?]

INSPIRATION: 

REALIZATION: 

(photo NYMag.com)

Popularity: 1% [?]

Dear Sarah Silverman,

Where do I begin?

Upon seeing you on the red carpet of the Met Costume Ball I began to wonder, “Who the fuck would be stupid enough to invite Sarah Silverman to the Met Costume Ball? I mean she has the style of a six-year old boy and without proper help from a stylist (which I pray you didn’t pay for considering the result) she will probably be the worst dressed of the night (you weren’t, that honor goes to Kimora Lee Simmons. More on her in the next post).”  But alas, someone did invite you and you did decide to hit the party.  Why didn’t Anna Wintour check the list and dis-invite you ala Rachael Zoe is anyones guess, but here you are hand on your hip other hand on your head wondering “How in the fuck did I get invited to this thing?” as you honestly should be considering.

While I would never judge you on your comedic timing (stating that prison guards were getting ready for Paris Hilton’s time in jail by painting dicks on the bars was truly inspired) your sense of style is completely out of touch. Like in the picture above, where you are wearing a) way too much clothes, b) something that would better be suited on a cow heading to the slaughter, and c) striped gloves you probably bagged from Jimbo.

I’ve almost figured out your superhero inspiration. I’m assuming it’s the bizarre Polka.Dot Man, who terrified Batman and Robin with his exploding periods. Hopefully that’s not a power you share with the villain (although with your love of sharting, abortions and faking the hiv, an explosive period probably isn’t too far from your stand-up potential).

So Sarah, please, please, please stop trying to look like you have any sense of style. You don’t. It’s sad yet true.  Funny girls cannot be hot.

Loves and Disses,

Daniel Saynt

PS. Your tits look awesome. So, I’ve got to give you that much.

Popularity: 1% [?]