Fashion F*ck Ups!!!
Creepy or Coolest Things Ever
I really can’t decide whether these are the coolest rings ever or the weirdest. Sculpturaly I think they are little pieces of art but when it comes to actually wearing these, I think I’d be a little creeped out. It’s like having tiny men stare at you all day from your fingers! Plus I couldn’t find any info on the designer or the rings, the entire website is in a language I do not comprehend.
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Ten Things I Don’t Get About Du Rags
1. Why in the fuck is doo (as in Hairdoo) spelled Du? Does the company who makes these want everyone to know that you can’t spell even the simplest words? I’d be offended if I were you.
2. Isn’t the purpose of these to protect your short hair styles at night? If so, why in the hell is it worn during the day, when you’re out in public, when I can see you and laugh at you. It’s like a woman who heads to the supermarket in curlers and wonders why people throw cans of creamed corn at her head.
3 . And on that note, why is it worn when you don’t have your hair styled in? It’s like you’re so lost in the Du Rag lifestyle that you’ve failed to ignore it’s original purpose, to keep your “du” together at night.
If you are white. And wear a du-rag. You look like this.
4. White people and hispanicals, PLEASE STOP ROCKING DU RAGS!!! You are not Eminem and you’re black friends talk shit about you behind your back. Seriously, I promise.
5. If you do insist on wearing them as a “fashion piece” can you please invest in one that’s not made out of polyester? I understand that they have become everyday hoodwear, but they don’t need to be so cheap. If you want to wear them on the street, please invest in a leather or more stylish version. I know no one makes them in leather, but jump on this trend and get started on crafting them and maybe you might make some legit street money.
6. Why are they only sold at bodegas? Aren’t they worthy of 99 cent store representation as well?
7. They cost about a nickel. There’s no reason why you should ever have to put them in the wash. Buy a new one at least once a week for the sake of the advanced society that has grown around your grimy ways.
8. Jordan Durags for $20 bucks. Really?
Daniel Saynt as Kevin Federline (it was a dark time in my life)
9. Only hood rats think you look hot in a du-rag. Seriously, I promise you it’s the truth. I wore a du-rag for Halloween two years ago (I was dressed like Kevin Federline) and I got the number of every ghetto chick and their babies. It was like hood rats were falling from the sky and asking for child support.
10. Tupac and Biggie did not wear durags. Isn’t that enough convincing for you to do the same?
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Jena Malone - Vintage Disaster or Savior?
photo wwd
Actress Jena Malone was caught wearing this “vintage” look during the LA Art Weekend. Personally, this reminds me of what happens when vintage goes horribly wrong. It looks like a 50s flapper girl vomited all over her and then threw their grandmothers bag at her. Too much black, too much clash, too much “vintage”. Do you love it, do we hate it?
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Multiple Choice: Adrien Grenier
Adrien Grenier at the premiere of “Standard Operating Procedure” looks like …
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Fashion F*cks: Why Middle America Scares Me
Yeah, she’s pregnant. Yeah, this is their senior photo. But really people. The tattoo. The fake tan. The bleached Eminem hair. The jeans. The earring. Even topless there are too many fashion no-no’s to list.
It’s okay if you want to get knocked up, but it’s not fair to bring a child into your painlessly poorly dressed world. Can someone please call child services?
Photo from EbaumsWorld
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Fashion F*cks: Stuffed Animal Backpacks
Fashionista has been writing about the Stella Bunny Bag for way to long and now the most dreaded sign of the apocolypse has come true. People are wearing stuffed animals in New York!!! Here’s the eye witness report:
“Yesterday, we spotted an otherwise chic woman lingering outside Cafe Gitane on Mott Street. She was an otherwise normal-looking person except that she had a dog-shaped purse under her arm. Not a fuzzy wuzzy kind of pup, more like a taxidermic-looking version that we really did mistake for a real - albeit completely stiff - dog that she for some reason was carrying on her shoulder with a strap. ”
This is the most tackiest, most ridiculous looking thing ever and I wish it ended with “and then we woke up” or “and then a car hit her, on purpose”. Cease and desist indies, cease and desist.
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Fashion F*cks: The Sticker on the New Era
It usually takes white folks a good long while to jump on the ghetto fashion bandwagon, which is why we found it as no surprise that years after the ghetto fab decided to stop removing stickers from their fitted New Era’s the white boy has finally caught on. This is not okay people. Take off the fucking sticker. We don’t care if it’s authentic, we don’t care if it’s new, cause after a week of sweating in the same hat it will still smells like cheap hair gel and greasy forehead.
Photo from The Cobrasnake
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Ten Things Wrong with Devendra Banhart
Seriously Nat, what is this thing. I know love is blind, but I’m not so here are the ten things wrong with your new man.
1. He looks like that fat bouncer dude from all the Misshapes party. You know, that door bitch that always smelled like b.o. and wore pants four times smaller than his waist line. Yeah, him only a lot thinner.
2. He stole your sunglasses…
3. And your handbag…
4. And your jeans…
5. Plus he’s wearing a peacoat. Only sailors or those railed in the ass by them wear peacoats.
6. He’s smelly (okay that might not be true, but he looks it)
7. Plus his career’s a joke. No one dates rockstars these days. It’s all about sports stars and internet start-up geniuses (aka Daniel Saynt, Rebecca doesn’t have to know ;-P )
8. Did I mention the bag…
9. He looks like a white Andre J. Actually he might be Andre J in drag. Man-drag.
10. Your parents hate him. I know they must.
P.S. I must hate. It’s against my nature not to.
Also before anyone starts developing cute nicknames for you two, here’s mine, BanMan as in ban this man out of your life… at least until your stylist comes and helps him
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Fashion F*cks: The Bright Parachute Jacket
This is not cool. This never was cool. Even in the 80’s when people were endorsing this look more than the hiv, it wasn’t cool. No it’s not ironic that you wear it, it’s idiotic. You look like some reject from the set of Dazed and Confused. You look like you walked into Liberace’s extra gay clubwear closet, and then stood there, in the closet, you homo.
I know you like to wear this jacket cause everyone wants to take your picture when you do. It’s not cause we all think you’re stylish. It’s cause we think you’re a douche and the truth is we’ve never seen one that’s 5′11 feet tall. It’s quite amazing. Like some miracle of science. Of course, the only woman who would need one that big is Rosey O’Donnell and even she wouldn’t let you near her fly trap wearing that jacket.
So please, stop blinding my eyes with your hipsterness. No one takes you seriously, we all make fun of you behind your back, and yes that was fecal matter that just hit your face. I like to throw poo.
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Jeremy Scott Steals from the Frizz
Wish we noticed this sooner, but Jeremy Scott is a two-bit stealer of style from non other than Ms. Frizzle of the Magic School Bus!!! (for those who don’t know the series of books and cartoon series we’re about a crazy teacher and a magic school bus that was kind of alive and capable of becoming anything. Yeah, kind of trippy)
I didn’t believe it at first, but this is undeniable.
I think everyone of her outfits have been made into a Jeremy Scott collection. I wonder if Agyness knows she looks like a third grade teacher in her Jerry wear?
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TrendSpark: Eyes Wide Shut
Want to make sure your celebrity friends/clients don’t out shine you at your own wedding? Well Estee Stanley seems to have found a way to make sure she’s the center of attention at her gala style nuptials. The stylist to the stars asked all the young starlets who made their way into her event to don Eyes Wide Shut style masks. Mary-Kate and Ashely Olsen we’re amongst those at the wedding and the masked look should definitely not expire with this one event. There’s something about Mary-Kate in a face mask that just screams cover of Vogue magazine.
Can some non-celebrities endorse this look and send photos? I think we may very well have the beginning of a trend/statement here. Let’s get on this one like Nicole Kidman in bad Stanley Kubric films.
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Nothing Says Cool Like Looking Like a Fool
The Cobra Snake spotted this dude at the Digitalism Arcade. Can we please let the Stronger glasses go? It’s over like Kanye’s mom (oh, too soon).
Joking aside, why is this still around. I get when people try to be ironic by wearing shit that no one else would/should but when so many people imitate it, it’s no longer ironic, it’s just tragic. If I see another pair of these at another hipster party I will begin throwing stones, cause forunately you can’t see shit out of these things.
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Last Nights Party - Louis Vuitton In Brooklyn
Marc Jacobs & Friends (should totally be the name of his rumored reality show) partied the night away at the Brooklyn Museum to kick off its new Louis Vuitton-sponsored exhibit on artist Takashi Murakami. Jacobs finally came to his senses and got rid of the blue hair and obnoxious boy candy. His attempt to look cool with a 5AM shadow was truly failed since the dye he used on the doo could help hide his graying face pubes. Better look next time Marky. (P.S. Since you’re on the whole midlife crisis kick, it might be time to retire the green Miami Vice jacket and invest in some minor Botox around the crows feet. Also, the cool kids haven’t been wearing studs since high school.)
Check out more picts after the jump. NOW WITH FUNNIER COMMENTARY!!!
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