Fashion F*ck Ups!!!
How Tight Do You Like It?
Men in Scandinavia are videotaping themselves wearing an insanely, ball crushing, testicular torturing brand of tight (also see painted on) jeans called Mustang Skinlines and putting them up on YouTube. Umm…you’d think a photo would be sufficient, but these fashion exhibitionists feel the need to give you a full 360 degree live-action video tour of just how tight their jeans are, which is tight, as in is there really anything happening between them legs. We hope this trend never reaches middle America or we may have a new crop of muffin tops hitting the streets.
On a more serious note, isn’t this just a bit excessive? You should be able to let your genitalia hang a bit to prevent damaged cojones, right. I think the only ones who can make this look work are the boys who don’t have much to work with in the twig and berries department, or those who prefer being infertile to being out of style.
Popularity: 5% [?]
Croc Recycling Plant
It’s so strange how midwestern dorm fashion could trickle into our city..and we have to do something to stop its…trickling. So Juice City has built the FIRST Croc recycling factory!All you that have succumb to the Crock itch have a chance to redeem yourselves By following these simple steps…-Drop Off your Crocs at one of our designated “Croc Boxes”-One of our Anti-Croc street teamers (in the middle of the night) will bring them to our croc recycling factory-And commence Croc destruction….
Just drop and walk away…and do not turn back.If only this were true. I’d be a happy camper.
Popularity: 2% [?]
Between a Rock and a Lard Place?
Note: this is not doctored, this photo is just that good.
Question: Kate Moss is exacerbated because…
a. her crew of 20 stalkarazzi refuse to let her out.
b. the woman in front of her just let one out.
OR
c. UGGGGGGS!!!!!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Parties We Missed - Rodarte Celebrates the Mulleavy Sisters Me Cover
This Thursday we missed the Mulleavy’s celebration of their upcoming Me magazine cover.I’ve been biting my tongue on these girls, especially Kate, who seem to be able to create some of the most timeless American couture pieces of our day and yet are completely unable to dress themselves. And before any heifers out there start a riot, let me stress that this has nothing to do with the girls being morbidly obese (not my standards, strictly fashions). It does have everything to do with there desire to always rock dated jeans and black tops. It’s okay to have a little meat on them bones, but when you resort to default chunky wear, well the gloves come off hunnies. Please take some of your monies and hire a stylist/dietician (I here Rachael Zoe is poking around for some spotlight) and get on the fast track to fashion fabulousness, if not you’ll be better known for your expanding waist line than your amazing ability to design.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Fashion WTF?!? Strike a Pose
It is a well known fact that Hipsters like to pose. Each one has their signature look that has been rehearsed and tested in front of their mirrors night after night. Unfortunately, there are times when signature looks backfire, as is the case in the photo above. It may be a good time to quit posing hun, if you do this any more your face might stay like that.
Popularity: 2% [?]
Mishka Enlists Tight Jean Afficianado for Campaign
Satchel of Gravel recently got an update from Cameron Beamon (the kid who got stuck in his own jeans) and it looks like the young man has turned tragedy into success by becoming a spokesmodel for streetwear brand Mishka.
[Congrats Cameron on turning your love for testicle crushing denim fits into a career!]
In a related note, we’d like to point out that Mishka’s Spring ‘08 line is so dope that it accomplishes not one, but two things:
1. Paying homage to Suicidal Tendencies by not paying them.
2. Ensuring that by wearing their gear, women will never take you seriously.
The line get’s extra “kudos” for producing some of the tightest/whitest jeans in history. Alright, that’s not completely true, but these jeans look ridiculous.
Popularity: 2% [?]
Why Crocheting Should Have Remained a Granny Sport
Funny how the black one’s the same size as the white one.
The crocheting craze has finally taken the low road. Boobs and Dinks are the latest from the land of DIY. You can pick up a pair on Etsy.com and use anyway you like. Both are available in 4 colors: peach, biege, brown or dark brown and come with all necessary instructions.
Popularity: 2% [?]
Hot Tranny Mess of the Week - Richie Rich
What the hell Richie? It looks like you stepped into Amanda Lepore’s make-up room and barely made it out with your ball sack. I know you’re trying desperately to push your bubble gum pink Heatherette lipstick and eye liner, but did you really have to over indulge on yourself?!? We get it, the new MAC collection is the shit, and yes all our indie friends have already started pitching tents in from of MAC shops to get it, but really buddy, did we need to see the entire collection on your Macaulay Culkin-inspired mug first?
As for the fashion, here’s a filler in case you missed out on what has become “hot”, it happens when your brand hasn’t mattered to anyone other than Paris Hilton in a few seasons. Sequins are out, as are owls (that was the creature of choice two seasons ago, turtles are in, but most people prefer whistles or other random objects that aren’t furry or feathery), also is that a Ed Hardy T-shirt!!! It better be Heatherette, our I’m gonna toss my cookies in a few seconds. Also, what’s the deal with the hat? Did you swipe it from one of the Fly Girls at an In Living Color auction?
All in all pretty boy, your fashion sucks. Which makes you our Hot Tranny Mess of the week!!!
(We probably won’t continue with the Hot Tranny Mess of the week for fear of getting sued by Christian Seriano. I’m sure the boy has pulled a Hilton an copywrited his catchphrase by now.)
Popularity: 2% [?]
Getting Old Sucks, Unless Your Kimora
Kimora Lee Simmons seems to have stopped the hands of time, at least in her ad for Fabulosity perfume (seriously, there is a Fabulosity perfume coming out and there is very little you can do to stop it). Below a photo of her in her add for the new fragrance, which makes her look like a 20 year old and further below, Kimora in real life.
The photoshopped Kimora
The real deal
Seriously, is there some unspoken rule against getting old!!! It’s okay if you’re not on the front of everything Kimora, you’re a bit older and with that age comes some really great things like senior discounts at the movies and being able to remember things from the 80’s.
(Image via Getty)
Popularity: 1% [?]
Jenny Garth : Croc Whore
Further proof that no matter how washed up and useless you are in Hollywood, there will always be someone to pay you something for a product endorsement. This is just as pathetic as her “take it in the butt” husbands attempt to seem like this is some sort of “happy family”. We know she dressed you this morning. No one with a testicle owns a canary yellow sweater and white khakis. Plus any family that wears Crocs together cannot possibly be happy!!!
I wonder how much Jenny girl got paid for this. It must have been substancial considering she had to get most of her family on board as well. I can see the conversation now…
King Croc (aka Scientologist leader L.Ron Hubbard’s re-animated head) - “So Jenny, we want you to be the new spokesperson for Scien - um - ah - I mean Crocs.”
Jenny Garth - “Listen buddy, how much does the gig pay. I got a family of four and a latino pool boy named Philipe my husband doesn’t want us to get rid of, even though we don’t have a pool. I need some serious cash to pay for another round of botox and waxing for my hubbies taint.”
KC - “Jenny, we want all RPs (recessive personalities) to engage Crocs and discover the need to had over their lives as official CDs (Croc Devotees). We already have Ludacris on board to get us the ODBs (old dirty bastards) from the UM (urban market) and now we need you to get us the SMs (soccer moms) and SADs (stay at home dads - yes, the acronym is SAD)”
Jenny - “Do I get paid extra if my husband and kids wear them too?”
KC - “Yes, Sciento - um ahem - Crocs are a family oriented brand. We want everyone to embrace them.”
Jenny - “Sounds good. Hey while I’m here, do you think you can get me on the 90210 remake 902102 (yes, that is the name of the new 90210 show. 902102. I guess Laguna Beach was taken.)”
KC - “How about a recurring role as Brenda 2.0s coke addicted guidance counselor.”
Jenny - “How about the role of Andrea, the old one, I’m about her age now?”
KC - “I was pushing John Travolta for that role. His drag turn in Hairspray makes him a shoe in.”
Popularity: 2% [?]
When Good People Make Bad Clothes Look Good
Prada’s spring collection made me lose all faith in humanity.
And now seeing it in Prada stores everywhere has not helped that feeling.
This collection was Muicca’s attempt to test editors with a collection that was dull, uninspired and weighed down with patterns that we’re far from flattering. Of course, when Vogue Paris’ editrix, Carine Roitfeld, got her hands on it she turned this monstrocity…
into this ….
I might have to eat my words, I think I can get behind this!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Shirts With a Cause (that really miss the mark)
Police brutality is a growing epidemic within our society, where cases are brought to the public’s attention on a daily basis. We live within a corrupt society where racial profiling is predominant, human rights are constantly being violated based on one skin color, religion and cultural stereotypes. The words “Protect and Serve” no long have an honorable meaning. FATCOP XXL’s mission is to make the un-aware aware by sending a visual message through our clothing design.
FATCOP XXL is a Brooklyn based clothing line dedicated to the memories of all those who have lost their lives to unjustifiable homicide by law enforcement worldwide.
Right…
Nothing speaks more to the plight of those affected by police brutality than a clip art Three 6 Mafia promo tee that promotes getting head over having sex.
Good job Fat Cop XXL on proving that if you co-opt the suffering of people and pair it with a stupid name, then you can land a collabo tee with a rap group that appeals to all the victimized hip-hopsters who get harassed for just trying to “make it” by in the rough and tough slums of Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
Image: Fat Cop XXL
Popularity: 3% [?]
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