Class Is In Session And The Teachers Are All Gay!

Share

Jezebel recently posted an article called “5 Lessons Gay Men Can Teach Straight People” and to say the least it was a bit rediculous. Here’s what they said the number one thing was

1.) Resolving Our Sexual Selves With the Rest of Our Lives Identifying as gay means that your sex life helps defines who you are way more than it does for straight people. Perhaps having it so out there is why it’s so much easier for gay men to embrace their sexuality while also embracing other facets of their lives, like for example, domesticity. Maybe it’s part of the whole virgin/whore thing, but people find it weird when hyper-sexual women are also into things like, say, homemaking. It’s totally accepted that gay men can be equally psyched about going to Bed, Bath, & Beyond and sniffing out a sale on pillows and matching damasks, and going to bed and having marathon sex (maybe in a threesome?). But people still have this stereotype in their minds of what a woman who enjoys filthy sex should be like. We should all accept that women, too, are multi-faceted creatures who might be into sucking a dick one night, and tatting a doily another; nailing a picture to the wall one night, or getting nailed against a wall another.

Within the article I suppose there are a few things that are valid and could be looked at as not completely absurd. Regardless, there a few things that gay men aren’t too keen on as well. So in honor of “5 Lessons Gay Men Can Teach Straight Couples,” I am coming up with 5 Reasons Why Straight Couples Can’t Be Like Gay Men.

5. Hormonal differences: Men and women have completely different natural instincts and genetic make up, which is why we can’t stand each other most of the time. Gay men get along so well because they are made of the same stuff and both know every lyric to Celine Dion’s greatest hits.

4. Appeal: Straight men have to appeal to women which limits the outlandish dress and sexuality they can display. Gay Men are trying to appeal to the same sex. This is much easier because a gay man knows what all gay men are looking for: a man in pleather spandex pants, a mesh tank top, colored oversized sunglasses and a baret, who looks like Jeremy Piven. 

3. Expectations: Most men want to take the girl back to their placr at the end of the night. Most women don’t like to have sex on the first date. Well when there are two men looking for sex it is much easier to get laid. Every man wants sex at the end of the night, but every girl doesn’t.

2. Knocked Up: That movie could totally happen in real life, and it wasn’t funny for the straight community. Late periods for your girlfriend can leave you feeling sick for days until the storm has passed. Gay men got to laugh and enjoy that movie, well I didn’t, I was terrified. It’s terrifying movies like that and pregnancy scares that keep straight couples out of the bedroom for days. 

1. Child Birth: If we don’t do it then who will? Gay men have the oppurtunity to stay young and adventurous longer because they don’t have to worry about kids until they want to. That cousin you have that has a 15 year age difference from the rest of his brothers and sisters, and could be part cyclops: Gay men don’t have to worry about that.

 

To get the rest of Jezebel’s list click here!

 

*Please note this post is intended to be rediculous. I don’t believe everything I wrote, but there are some basic concepts there that I think are valid.