F*ck Ups: Selma Hayek

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I’m sorry Fraulein, you’ve made a wrong turn,  the German-American Sausage Hidin’ Fest is next door!  I don’t understand how a woman with a body sculpted, spackled and shellacked by the hands of God himself would allow herself to be seen in the presence of livin’ people, wearing Sound of Music lader hosen and porno slut pig tails.  This has all the makings of cheap,  illegal porn.  I guess all the power of capturing a rich man makes all the crazy go surging from your uterus to your head and leaves you under the impression that you can do whatever you want:

Clergyman:  Ma’am, PLEASE!  *blushes* You cannot flash your breasts to the altar boys!

Salma:  But…………………But……………….I’m rich!

Next she’ll be wearing bad wigs and carving up her face to look like Nala from Lion King *ahem* Jocelyn Wildenstein anybody?   You know who’s fault this is right?  Old Beelzebub,  that’s right: Karl Lagerfeld, oh mighty prince of darkness!  C’mon Indies,  when Salma Hayek starts dressing like Heidi’s double jointed,  promiscuous,  moral free older sister,  a prayer vigil and an exorcism is in order.  Lagerfeld must be punished!  I’ll bring my Mama’s old cookin’ grease,  Lauren bring the water based lubricant and a spatula,  Cory bring a stake and the “Just For Men” hair dying kit,   Busie bring the almondy bootylicious butta brown and a hot comb, Daniel/Beccaz just keep bringin sexy back, Newly wed relations are sooooo fudgin HOT!!!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO