F*ck Ups: Slutty Costumes

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Although I’ve been over this for quite some time, the approaching Halloween festivities have conjured sour feelings towards this trend. “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Even though Mean Girls is a beacon of light and truth, I have to disagree with this statement. I can say something about it. If I see one more sexy cop, slutty firefighter or naughty nurse this year, I am going to flip out and start throwing cold cuts at the wearer. The point of Halloween is to try your very hardest to dress exactly like someone or something else. I know it’s an easy way out for amateurs, but most often, the skanktastic garb doesn’t make sense. I have never seen a bumblebee showing her hoo-ha to everyone in the hive. But if dressing to show skin is what you really desire, allow me to make some suggestions on which costumes would realistically look fab showing a little more leg.

Burlesque dancer: Becoming very hip again on the nightlife circuit, this costume is fun and sexy. Wear some high-class lingerie, fishnets and carry a cane. But make sure you are going to an indoor party; this one could get chilly.

Cave woman: Real ancient cave dwellers wore skimpy buckskins, animal bones and no shoes. Get a tetanus shot prior to trick or treating and watch out for nails.

Baby: The ultimate leg-baring character, this costume requires a diaper, bib and binky. Fill a bottle with cocktail of choice and you’re good to go.