Five Reasons Why Nobody Wants to Pay For the Ashlee Simpson Baby Photos

You gave the dick

Can someone please buy these photos? We can't afford Huggies...

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have failed to find a buyer for their baby’s photos.

So Bronx Mowgli won’t be joining the annuls of celebrity spawn we actually give a fuck about. My suggestion to Ashlee is to just give this one up for adoption and try to pop out some twins with a celebrity people actually care about, maybe one of the Jonas Brothers.

Here are five reasons why no one wants photos of your bastard child, just in-case you were wondering…

1. He didn’t pop out of Angelina’s uterus.

2. The baby wasn’t born with your new nose.

3. Nobody wants to see a baby with guy liner.

4. You can’t feature Mowgli without Baloo. Disney’s rules, not our own.

5. The Economy. You can pretty much blame it for anything these days.

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