I’m Over It: Malls
Oh the bastard child of suburbia and commercial retail, how I loathe you. Indoors, outdoors, wherever you may be, please fuck off. Unfortunately for Northeastern Ohio, malls are the only options available for shopping. Yes, there are a few, small locally run boutiques and novelty shops, but they are found very far and few between.
It’s not just the establishment itself, but what malls hold inside may scare those who have never shopped there before. Merry-go-rounds holding screaming children and bored parents. Massive herds of 13-year-old, jean skirt-wearing, white eyeliner-eyeballed monsters whining at Tommy or Jimmy to “stop poking her in the boob.” Clowns making balloon animals and painting faces while cackling profusely. Not to mention Ugg displays, women sprinting after you with stinky perfume samples, the smell of rotting fast food, cell phone kiosks and weirdoes stealing pennies from disease ridden fountains. As I am forced to bear the dangerous elements associated with malls, I realize what won’t kill me will only make me stronger. And it makes me incredibly grateful for the freestanding stores that await me in New York.
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About the Author: Amanda realized at a young age she could turn her love for materialistic bullshit into a lucrative career. She gets the best of two worlds working in both fashion merchandising and journalism. When Amanda isn't blogging, you can find her at the winery, thrift store or working on her Catholic education memoir "Bitches, Whores and Stoners Wear Plaid." She is currently finishing her degree in the MidWest but will rejoin her soul in New York shortly.
I remember being in a mall, in Jersey. Watching people jog during the pre-opening and hanging out like it was their living room, all under the intense stare of marketing, marketing marketing.
They power walked, bought coffee and a muffin then bought shoes. Suburbia is odd.
Reply to AGI only go to malls when they first open and the only people I have to deal with are the 70-year-old mall walkers. I also avoid being attacked by the evil cell phone salesmen by listening to my iPod and wearing dark over-sized sunglasses. Oh, and I find the fast acting benedryl strips useful for those pesky rashes I get when passing entire displays of Uggs.
Reply to Chelsea RaeOMG EWWWW UGG Boots! Thank goodness for NYC
Reply to GlendyLet’s not forget the nail-buffing lady who lotions up your arm as you’re trying to walk past and then buffs one, just one, lonesome fingernail, so you’ll be conned into buying the whole buffer set just so your nails will match.
“It’s magical!”
Reply to Katie[...] while back, we wrote an article on why we hate malls…here’s another reason to add to the [...]