•  
• 

Popcrunch just posted the Forbes Top Ten Most Influential Celebrity Babies of 2008, a dangerous story for me to review after eating lunch. The only influence babies have is a blaring reminder to take The Pill, so the strange worship of celebrity spawn both baffles and creeps me out.

First off, babies are not style stars. The clothing they wear is a direct reflection of the parents’ or stylist’s taste. If my mom would have let me dress myself at that age, I would have looked like a raver debutante on Mescaline. Even worse, the tabloids exploit these poor little demons when mommy and daddy fuck up just to sell more copies of their washed-up old rags. These babies have no idea when they are caught in the middle of a nasty divorce, so please let them be. Not to mention that half of the kids on this list are sucking their thumbs in the photos. Bitch please, that is no way to make love to the camera. Here is the Top 10 list:

1. Suri Cruise
2. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
3. Zahara Jolie-Pitt
4. Pax Jolie-Pitt
5. Sam Alexis Woods
6. Cruz Beckham
7. Matilda Rose Ledger
8. David Banda
9. Sean Preston Federline
10. Sam Sheen