I have never been one to have discerning taste when booze is involved. Lacking real liquor, I've been known to contemplate drinking mouthwash and/or rubbing alcohol just to get ma fix. But this year, I'm feeling all sophisticated-like and so I've compiled a list of libations that will at least make you feel classy, even as you're dry heaving over a toilet at 12:01 come January 1st as your BFF holds back your hair...but not their judgement.

Leave the beer at home, kids. This is grown-folk drinking:

1. The Sidecar - Ditch your preferred mode of conveyance and hop in a Sidecar then floor it to DrunkTown, USA;  population: everyone cool.

2. Tom Collins - I hear Tom Collins is related to Joan Collins, who, if she were a drink, would probably bitch slap you into a pool by the end of the night.

3. Old Fashioned - As an old-fashioned kind of girl, I like an old-fashioned kind of drink. And when I'm drinking my old-fashioned drink, I like to wax nostalgic of my days as a jazz baby and Ziegfield girl. Come on everybody, let's Charleston like it's 1929!

4. Martini - The ultimate in sophistication, martinis evoke the spirit of Manhattan society when ladies wore mink stoles and men wore tails...and also when blacks and Jews weren't allowed in nightclubs. Hey, I'm not saying it was all shits and giggles.

5. Henry C. Ramos's Gin Fizz - I don't know or care who this Henry C. Ramos is, but apparently the "longer you shake [his] cocktail, the frothier it gets."

That's what she said.

6. Whiskey Sour - Now this is a gentleman's drink. The kind of gentleman who may sleep with whores, but treats them like ladies.

2 oz. whiskey 2 tbsp. fresh lemon juice 23 tsp. sugar 34 ice cubes Orange slice Maraschino cherry

7. Fur Collar - I think all drinks should be named after fabulous fashion pieces. Maybe next year I'll work on creating my own sartorial potables: the Sequined Pantsuit; the Tranny Heel; the The Drop-Crotch...which can have several connotations.

1 oz. vodka 1 oz. apricot brandy or liqueur, preferably Rothman & Winter Orchard apricot liqueur 1 oz. freshly squeezed orange juice

8. Manhattan Noonday - Who doesn't love a nooner?

1 1/2 oz. bourbon 1 oz. sweet (Italian) vermouth 1 dash Angostura bitters 1 dash simple syrup 1 maraschino cherry

9. Kentucky Club Margarita - This ain't your $3 frozen margarita from Benny's Burritos. Which saddens me a little since I love getting those free bowls of chips and salsa.

1 lime wedge Kosher salt, to taste 1 1?2 oz. silver tequila 3?4 oz. freshly squeezed lime juice 1?2 oz. Cointreau

10. Dirty Shirley - The Shirley Temple is a classic virgin cocktail, but all virgins need to bust that maraschino cherry eventually. Add a bit of vodka and Shirley Temple suddenly turns into Shirley MacLaine, circa her Rat Pack heyday when she was knockin' 'em back with Frank, Dino and Sammy.

LINK LOVE: Saveur