Vote

An Imaginary Conversation...with Kristen Stewart and Anna Wintour

Jan 19, 2011 - by Lester Brathwaite

By Marcos Luevanos of Misanthropy Loathes Company

The following is an imaginary conversation between Anna Wintour and Kristen Stewart as she shoots the February Vogue cover.

Anna: Kristen! Welcome to Vogue! Don't be scared darling, I don't bite my second assistant does that for me. Kidding...except, not really.

Kristen: Sorry I'm late. I was up all night stressing myself out trying to think of ways to be glamorous. My life is so hard!

Anna: Darling, this is Vogue. The only ego that gets stroked around here is mine, got it? Now, let's get you to hair and make-up.

Kristen: Actually, I just came from hair and make-up.

Anna: Right! You look so pret...ernatural.

Kristen: Is that good?

Anna: It's something. Besides, you should know by now that it doesn't matter how you look, what you say, or even who you are it only matters what movies you're in.

Kristen: Like Welcome to the Rileys?

Anna: Don't make me have someone slap you. I'm talking about those shitty teen vampire movies you're in they have a rabid following. That's the reason you're here, darling to move issues for me.

Kristen: I think I'm gonna be sick...

Anna: Good girl! Now, lean against this table and give us a warm, sexy look that will make tweens around the country pick up this slowly dying magazine.

Kristen: Like this?

Anna: Warm, darling...like the homosexual chemistry between your male co-stars.

Kristen: How about this?

Anna: Warmer. Think of something that makes you happy...

Kristen: ...

Anna: Don't hurt yourself, dear. We're just gonna Photoshop the shit out of you anyway. (to Second Assistant) And I thought I was a frigid bitch. Why didn't we go with Gwenyth again?

Second Assistant: Because Si said if you put her on the cover one more time, he was going to replace you with Emmanuelle Alt.

Anna: Right.

Next Post → ← Previous Post