Fa-Fa-Fa-Fashion -- I mean, my death took place pretty early in this story --  Tyra's web series with André Leon Talley has debuted on the model-mogul's new website, Type F. Within the first 10 seconds they're literally yelling in each other's faces. And I feel for the first time in weeks that everything is going to be okay.

This first episode explores the versatility of the trench coat and André lays down the law while cradling baby Tyra on his Chado Ralph Rucci- cape-covered knee:

A: When you put on a coat you suggest high-octane mystery.

T: But why not put on a pea coat or a--

A: TOOOO SHOOOORT!

Next Tyra gives advice on how to JAZZ UP a trench coat and for any advice regarding the jazzing up of anything I am strictly ON. BOARD.

She suggests a wide cincher belt that she wants you to know -- by yelling it over and over again -- that it costs $12 at Payless. Doesn't it feel good? And by wearing said trench with a statement necklace you'll add a "little sex appeal" as well as some "snap and sass." Finally zhush those sleeves and suddenly your trench has gone from "blah" to "Rrrr"  -- it's like Tyra is the poet laureate of our generation. Her or Nicky Minaj...

Anyway, André -- sensing a lull -- returns to discuss the history of the trench coat with Tyra still on his lap and along the way we're introduced to the Word of the Day, "kicky."

T: What is a kicky? A: KICKY IS UP!  YOU'RE UP! YOU'RE UP! KICK! KICK! KICK! UP! UP! UP!

Scratch that, ALT's had a choke hold on poet laureate since the 80s.

Finally we're left with a disturbing conversation about whether ALT grooms "down there" -- for the record he does not and for the record I feel as scarred as a child who first learns their parents have sex.

I just thought there was a secret portal into a magical haute couture world where Anna Wintour and Grace Coddington argue all day under all those capes...thanks Tyra.

Though I'm totally signing up for Type F now...mostly because she told me to.