In my tribe (I originate from a leggy race of high-cheekboned black ladies with a penchant for tranny heels and a diet of vodka), we don't just do Christmas one day a year. In fact we one up the Jews by going a full 12 days, each filled with gifts and memories and the occasional liver failure.

For the sake of tradition, I'll just recount all my gifts in order of quantity, from more to less (you can set it to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas" if you are so inclined:

12 Chanel hair-bows

11 Prada clogs

10 Marc Jacobs trousers

9 Balenciaga platform heels

8 Tom Ford gropings

7 Terry Richardso n gropings

6  Nude male models (being groped by Tom Ford and Terry Richardson)

5 André Leon Talley capes

4 Dior couture gowns

3 Anna Wintour bobs

2 McQueen armadillo heels

And a Prius driven by Oprah and Gayle

What can I say, I'm a lucky girl.

Photo: Today's Inspiration