Sex & the City Spoiler Alert!!!

Carrie discovers that none of her outfits work in the real world, so she becomes a Scientologist and wants for her transport to Xanadu.

Coming to the sad realization that they are no longer “hot, young things” the girls actually wait in line to go to a club. Samantha’s attempt to “blow” the door man fails when her dentures fall out.

Carrie goes brown, then red, then blonde all in an attempt to steal her girlfriends men, by stealing their hair color! Miranda realizes what’s going on a dyes her hair neon green before she tries stealing her stud muffin Steve.

In an desperate attempt to be married before 50, Carrie buys a wedding dress and tells Big, Adian, Burger, and the Russian to all come and meet her at the roof of her home. She stands on the ledge of her building and threatens to jump unless someone proposes. Miranda steps in and claims her love for her pint sized friend. They live happily ever after, except Samantha is no longer their friend cause she went “dyke” years ago, and felt these two we’re stealing her thunder.

With Samantha gone the girls quickly realize how tame their lives seem with out a hot older woman to guide them on their sexual adventures. No ones having sex, everyone’s married, and it’s all a happy ending, until [insert dramatic music here] Big decides he actually loves Carrie’s … long lost daughter. In a scene out of the final season of Ally McBeal, Carrie discovers one of the eggs she froze when she was 20 is now a full grown woman with a thing for older men. Big and Carrie 2.0 marry. Carrie 1.0 buys her first cat. Can’t wait for the sequal “Menopause in the City”.

P.S. Thank the lord for Gossip Girls!!! If we had to keep taking fashion cues from the over 30 set I might have to die.

(All Photos: People.com)