Edited by Saynt on
Hey Indies,
I haven’t been saying much, cause I haven’t had much to say, but I’m beginning to feel disillusioned as to what is accomplishable by one man. I always believed that with the right amount of gusto and hard work each of us can be whatever the fuck we want to be. We can all be special little snowflakes. But as I head to another birthday (I’ll be 26 on Friday) and adjust my life view just a little more, I’m finding that being “something special” is nothing more than a mindfuck, and fun little ploy bestowed upon us by the powers that be, that make us follow our dreams rather than getting their preordained health insurance packages and 401k’s, safe jobs with pensions, McMansions with 2.5 kids. Basically, for the first time in my life I’m feeling a bit lost. And I’m really starting to hate it.
I wouldn’t say I’m in a rut, but I feel that with a little bit more of a push, I just might hit some sort of pit, a recession of spirit that could eventually lead to a depression of soul. I was recently targeted by The New York Observer. Identified as a scourage on the face of blogging, a vigilante worth making an example of, a whipping boy for every foul mouthed blogger, a martyr for all those Perez Hilton wannabes. Of course, their statements were completely false, but unfortunately my attempts to retaliate were met with more jeers than cheers from a community that I’ve loved and built up for years. It’s the nature of the beast a suppose, but it was definitely a swift kick to the mangina that my ego wasn’t ready to take. My friends and enemies were quickly identified and those who I felt I had a professional relationship with, bloggers who I thought “had my back” turned on me faster than a table at Cipriani. Yuli from My Shit Things and Lauren from Second Shitty Style, were suddenly these two-faced blitches (blog + bitch) who were busy spreading hate. They now quickly run any other way when they see me and for good reason, I’m not one to hide my feelings of disgust behind a keyboard as Julie from Coutorture found out when we were fatefully seated next to each other at a gala fashion event soon. It’s funny how completely spineless people become when they have to deal with any inquisitioning. Fortunate for Lauren she spends most of her time in Chicago, as for Yuli, she knows her day is coming when she’ll have to come face to face with someone she so willingly threw under a bus. Hopefully, it’s not on a day when there’s heavy traffic.
Outside of the blog wars, my foul tongue finally got the best of us and Fashion Indie was kindly asked to leave the Glam Network. Not really a curse by any means, as we’ve had our lawyers reviewing our contract with the network in an attempt to leave and join one of our own design (Sayntly), but for such a large group which claims to support independent views on fashion, it’s surprising how squeamish they get when you say the word FUCK. Their Walmart and Tampon ads will surely be missed.
Of course, it’s not all doom and gloom at Fashion Indie. Our site traffic has sky rocketted with nearly 1.3 million eyeballs hitting our sites every month making us one of the webs fastest growing fashion publications. We’re expecting our numbers to double by June. Additionally, our Sayntly Network has increased to 180 members and we’re getting ready to launch our first blog wide campaign for a secret advertiser we’ve lined up for the Spring. Next is growing phenominally with about 50 new subscribers a day. A new campaign we’re launching through the network should bring in an additional 10,000 members by the summer. We’re also seeing a spike in inquiries for our services as more and more companies are beginning to realize the need to get webby. We’re expecting to log 100 billable hours in April and 250 by May, which means more money to build Fashion Indie and finally launch Man Indie in the way it deserves. So while there have been some setbacks, business overall is good. So why the disillusionment?
I guess it has a lot to do with how I’m feeling lately. I’ve had to make a lot of sacrafices, sacrificing my personal time to spend on Fashion Indie and the amount of devotion to the company is starting to strain me. I’ve been skipping the gym and am quickly gaining weight. The tiny bit of flub which used to look cute is now becoming a total unattractive tub. My body doesn’t feel like it’s mine and I suddenly feel bigger than any person in any room, which is only duplicated when you consider that most of the rooms I’m in are with models. Chairs suddenly seem untrustworthy, as if sitting on them will lead to me on a hospital gurney, doctors overhead trying their best to figure out the easiest way to remove splinters of oak from my sphincter. I dread scales and anything that requires me to wear a suit. Sweatpants are becoming a default, which means I have no option but to engage in some serious ano-tendancies. I’m honestly considering a series of posts just describing my attempts to follow the Rachel Zoe diet (celery, laxatives and cigarettes). I die.
I’m disconnected from my friends and am finding the only time I see them is when I remember to invite them to events we host. It’s becoming a habit to just find out from facebook what they’re doing and adding comments when appropriate. I miss them and I’m not sure how to reconnect since I’m just making new disposable friends, people I have no history with, who are just connected to me through business. Fashion or blogger buddies, which I do love, but have little in common with other than Balenciaga runway shows and Google Ranks. I miss talking about bad dates, mother issues, and vacation plans. I miss real conversations where I have something interesting to talk about to rather than which celebrity I met or who looks like shit on the red carpet. Give me shitty blind dates over that any day.
Add to that the fact that MTV is filming this whole thing, documenting this moment in my life for a True Life that is focussed around Rebecca and you’ve got an inside window into one of the weirdest points in my life, where I’m happy about business, but not so much about some of the other things.
So I guess this is part of the game plan. Losing friends, gaining weight, and feeling disconnected. I’m trying to make a change, and hopefully I can before it’s too late, if it isn’t already…
Hugs and Disses,
Daniel Saynt
Fashion Indie's Big Poppa.