Stuff Fashion People Like #11 Models

While the current stream of ano, stick thins that walk today’s runway barely hold a candle to the pasts chic walkers, there is no doubt that models are the most celebrated, discussed and ultimately loathed beings in the fashion world.  Responsible solely for the task of walking and posing for photos, models have become the one staple in fashion that refuses to age, get fat, or have a bad hair day. It is for this reason that fashion people like them, they are a disposable commodity which allow them to promote the “facade” of fashion, the belief that with the right clothes, hair and make-up anyone can look like a underfed 16 year old.

While the model, by itself, is a powerful concept, it is the supermodel that really pulls at the heart strings of fashion people.  Faster than a speeding snapshot, more powerful than a loco stylist, and able to leap long runways in a single bound, the supermodel owned the covers of every magazine and ad campaign for most of the 80’s and 90’s.  Iman, Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, Cindy Crawford, and amazingly enough that living corpse Janice Dickenson were once so popular that they didn’t have to make ends meet on shitty reality shows.  Granted not all supermodels have been shipped to the proverbial slaughter house that is Bravo or worse, VH1 Celebreality (the equivalent of a washed-up celebrity retirement home). Many have prolonged their careers by engaging in the following acts; a) getting arrested and being publicly humiliated when pictures of them engaging in community service surface (Naomi Campbell), b) getting caught riding the white horse and being publicly humiliated when pictures of their coked up adventures surface (Kate Moss), or c) getting an amazing plastic surgeon and skipping the whole publicly humiliated thing (Cindy Crawford).

Of course now, the supermodel has been replaced by the supercelebrity, a peculiar entity that has it’s own fanbase, can actually articulate a sentence, and doesn’t require a kilo of coke (most of the time) in order to show up to a photoshoot. While most fashion people accept the current climate of the supercelebrity, the majority pine for the days of yore, when the prettiest girls weren’t the ones so easily accessible for the price of a movie ticket.  For this reason, the pencil-thin, vapid, clothing hanger known as the model still holds a place in the heart of fashion people.

When discussing models with fashion people it is always important to know a little history.  Remember, Kate Moss wasn’t always losing jobs to younger, cheaper girls like Agyness Deyn and older fashion people like to recall those good old days (let’s call them “last year”) since they make them feel younger when they secretly stand in front of the mirror and pose in their Burberry trench coats (we all do it, let’s admit it). Throwing new names at them like Chanel Iman will make them nervous and they will most likely make statements like “The age of the supermodel is dead, long live the celebrity” or “I don’t pay attention to the new girls cause they all look the same”.  This is a default answer for any older fashion person who is affraid to accept the fact that a slew of younger, thinner faces have already taken a hold of the fashion world, slowly building careers and followings that rival the ancient greats.

When speaking with younger fashion people, it is important to know about the new slew of nearly-super models.  Gemma Ward and Lily Cole are great conversation starters, but if you really want to sound like you’ve got some fashion depth, mention girls that don’t make the runways of Zac Posen. Statements like “Agyness is great, but she doesn’t have as much cred as Audrey Kitching“  or “I wish American Vogue was brave enough to let Andre J on it’s cover” will make you seem well versed in modeldom, so sprinkle them in conversations as gently as models sprinkle pepper (won’t retain as much water as salt) on their low-fat celery sticks.

PS. It is not okay to watch, follow, or discuss the happenings or models on Tyra Bank’s “America’s Next Top Model” or Bravo’s “Make Me A Supermodel”.  Everyone knows there is no such thing as a successful reality show model. It is an urban legend propagated by the Church Cult  of Scientology.