Stuff Fashion People Like #12 Media Attention
Stuff Fashion People Like makes the front page of Glam.com
If you looked into the handbag of a fashion person their are three things you will undoubtingly find, a skin smoothing cover-up, a pack of cigarettes, and print-out of a recent press clipping featuring their photo, name or obscure reference to their circle of friends. Sad, yet true, fashion people are obsessed with media attention.
Getting attention from a major media outlet is better than finding a pair of shoes of sale or watching a runway model face plant on the runway. Fashion people are media whores who will give it up to the first journalist or photographer that promises to add their name or photo to a story. The equivalent of a free happy ending, attention from any newspaper, magazine, blog or random party photog is more than enough to give a fashion person a full-on, worth reaffirming orgasm (the clean kind, there’s no need to stain the chiffon). Since most fashion people are a tad bit self-absorbed media attention verifies their position on the food chain and gives them fodder for further stroking their own ego and making those around them take notice/feel like a worthless piece of shit.
The perfect openers for getting in with a fashion person include “Aren’t you that designer/model/high-paid escort that was in the New York Times last week?” or “I read all about you on FashionIndie.com. Congrats on curing camel toe.”. Even if the fashion person wasn’t in either they will nod in agreement and thank you for acknowledging their media worthyness. Another great trick is to walk around with a camera around your neck and make this statement, “I’m with Vogue”. I circle will instantly form around you as every fashion person in the room begins to pose and chuck business cards in your face for correct spellings of their names. This trick will work at parties, on line at the supermarket, and even if you’re taking a shit so be careful of how loudly you say it since you’ll be flocked by all within earshot.
If you are trying to become a fashion person it is important to have some friends in the media. Points are awarded for the type of coverage you receive so use this handy reference to guarantee that your efforts are not wasted. Remember, you haven’t graduated to the position of a true media worthy fashion person until you’ve accumulated at least 100 points.
30 Points – Vogue – If Winnie deems you worthy expect a full on flock of fashion hanger-ons who will befriend you for a possible future photo op. Choose your fashion friends carefully at this point. The last thing you want is a Pablo (Olea) hanging around you for every snapshot.
25 Points – The New York Times, New York Magazine – Two very powerful fashion tomesthat will deem your status amongst fashion elitist like Diane Von Furstenburger, Marc Jacobs, and Ralph “The Marlboro Man” Lauren. Just be aware that this is the type of stuff older fashion people read, so expect a flock of the geriatric crowd to know your name at benefits and the retirement home.
20 Cool Points - V Magazine, Purple, Fantastic Man, French Vogue – While most people don’t pick up these magazines the people who do will know your name, buy you drinks, invite you to their coke den, and offer you more sexual favors than a teenager at a Dov Charney pool party. (a.k.a. if any of the editors of these magazines are reading this my name is Daniel Saynt. I’m the president of Fashion Indie and I’d love to be a self gratifying media whore someday, so write about me.)
10 Points – Paper Magazine – They try so hard to be hip. It’s kind of cute.
5 Points – Gawker.com – It will most likely make you look like a total asshole who likes to kill babies on the weekends, but if their talking about you you’re most likely the shit.
1 Point – Cobra Snake, Last Nights Party, House of the Vain – Nightlife photographers love snapping pictures of pretty fashion people. Getting on these sites gives you some cred, but not enough unless you build up a big collection. Also, it doesn’t count if Merlin shot a photo of your tits. That’s actually negative points so be careful.
- 1 Point – Local news stations and papers – Don’t get profiled or snapped by the San Antonio Times or the CW 11 News. That’s just embarrassing and not becoming of a fashion person.
- 10 Points – Your Own Blog – Don’t be pathetic. Let the professionals blog. Stick to reading us daily, okay sweetie.
- 1000 Points – American Apparel Ad - We all know how you got the gig. Only swimsuit models and Kimora Lee Simmons are allowed to screw their way to the top.
