Stuff Fashion People Like #18 Saying “It’s Vintage”

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There is nothing more gratifying to a fashion person than saying something is “vintage”.  It is by far the one thing that if they were allowed, would slip in and out of every single sentence they form. Dresses, shoes, seal skin knickers all things are game in the vintage game. Of course, it is a well held secret amongst fashion people that most of the shit they claim is from some era before H&M are actually from the house that Hennes & Mauritz built.

Shock. Awe. And more shock, right?  It’s true non-fashion people, most fashion people are liars that would rather claim something is old as Jesus than admit that they picked it up from the bargain bin of H&M, Urban Outfitters, or worse Forever 21.  The reason. While some might claim it’s due to the fact that in fashion years one season is more than enough time to claim something as “vintage” (it’s true we live in dog years), the truth is that fashion people are not allowed to claim that they shop at any fast retailers.

Ya see, a long, long time ago around the year that Tommy Hilfiger was reanimated by the Nazi’s to take over American fashion and Anna Wintour sacrificed Grace Mirabella to her father Bealzabub fewer brands were being marketed to the public in the pages of Vogue.  Fewer ads meant less direction for the proposed fashion elite.  Then came branding initiatives from Tommy, Cowboy Ralph and hundreds of other whores, which quickly created marketing opportunities to guide the hudled fashion masses.  The marketing came in the form of logos, labels and other easily identifiable images that defined how much something was worth. Wear a good label and suddenly your worth  a hell of a lot more.

Over the years this practiced defined which stores fashion people could shop at without looking like their poor unfashionable brethren.  Over-priced fashion was king and all was good in the land of Wintour.  Of course, then came the Vintage Craze and suddenly everyone wanted those shitty, labelless collections that fashion people had once shunned. A new wave of fashionistas we’re dropping serious dough on $10 J.C.Penny dresses from the 70’s and discounted Woolworth moo-moo’s from the 60’s.  The shitty fashions of yesteryears we’re becoming the must have items of today.  Which  brings us back to H&M, Urban Outfitters and Forever 21.  See, it’s okay for a fashion person to shop at those spots now, because even though they aren’t really vintage today, in a few years they will be, and to a fashion persons that’s good enough, which is why they will never claimed it’s discount chic, it’s vintage.