Stuff Fashion People Like #19 Stating Their “Style Rules”
Every single celebrity nobody seems to have style rules, because as you know celebrities have style…ists, which means they have a reason to open their traps and act like they know what the fuck their talking about. Nicky Hilton is the most recent designer/celebrity/leech on society to share her style rules (of course, with a failing collection and her sister slipping deeper and deeper into obscurity you have to wonder how much longer the public will deal with the less interesting Hilton).
Nicky’s rules included gems like “Don’t buy up every “it bag.” They go out of style fast. Invest in a classic.” and “Wear color. It gets you noticed.“, which are completely useless unless you want to look like a poor imitation of Nicky Hilton, which is as bad as looking like Paris Hilton’s hairless clamshell (which seems to get more press and attention than Nicky herself). So without further ado indies, here are Daniel Saynt’s style rules. That’s right, I have my own.
1. The only stupid statement is one not made. Over think every single item you’re wearing cause if you can get dressed in like 10 minutes you’re not trying hard enough. The Satorialist is out their people and he will not take your pretty little picture if you look like an American Eagle ad. Dress until you bleed, then you might be worthy of being called stylish.
2. Stylish cities move. Los Angeles was the shit in the early 2000s, then Williamsburg took the crown, until London came along and kicked our asses. Next stop, Jamaica.
3. As soon as a celebrity wears it, it’s completely uncool, unless the celebrity is Chloe Sevigny, at which time you are looking at what will be cool in about five years. Seriously, it’s quite scary.
4. Gay men will always try and tell you what will make you look attractive. Don’t listen to them because they like dicks and last time I checked dicks are not attractive.
5. When all else fails, go naked. No one’s doing it and you will be heralded as a pioneer amongst the fashion elite as your stupid ass is escorted to prison.
6. If you’re stylish and you know it clap your hands. *clap*clap
7. Smoking adds “cool” to any outfit, so does cocaine and heroin needles so sprinkle sparingly.
8. Two words. Glitter Underwear.
9. If all else fails get pregnant. No one expects pregos to be stylish.
10. Rules are for idiots who hang on every word Tim Gunn/Stacey London/Robert Verdi/Carson Kressley/Nina Garcia/Rachel Zoe/Christine Schwab/Kate Spade/Tommy Hilfiger/Lloyd Boston/Brenda Kinsel/Clinton Kelly/Bradley Bayou/William Sledd spew. If you follow anyones style rules they should be your own. Truly stylish people break rules.
PS – Funny fact, non of the men listed in Rule 10 are straight. I’d call that a fashion epidemic. I’d like to volunteer my services as the first and only straight fashion guy in the universe, because this shit is bananas. Why do women insist on getting advice on how to look sexy from men who are “just not that into them”? Just saying.
