Stuff Fashion People Like #4 Cigarettes

If you stripped down a fashion person, taking their Manolo’s and Prada bag, and locked them in a room naked with no access to the outside world, within ten minutes they will have managed to light and smoke a cigarette. This should come as no surprise to non-fashion people, as a pack of Virginia Slims are surgically embedded into the asses of every fashion person.

The love of cigarettes amongst the fashion community dates back to the days when Kate Moss was a mere teenager (approximately 350 years ago by most accounts). Her ability to make smoking seem “heroine chic” inspired nearly the entire fashion world to join her for a quick fag, one which has yet to be put out today.

When spending time with fashion people be sure to pick up a packet of smokes. Make sure that the brand you carry is obscure and a bit mysterious. Cigarettes from distant locals like Moracco or Belize work best, but if rare, over-priced cigs can’t be found be sure to opt for the most expensive brand available. No Newports or Parliments. These brands would only suggest that you do not belong, since only poor people and those with “real” smoking addictions smoke these brands.

The skinniest fashion people are usually those who smoke the most (smoking is a well known low calorie meal replacement), so look for them at the party or runway show you are attending. Most fashion people don’t care where they are when they smoke so you may be able to spot them by the trail of smoke excreting from their yellowed bear-traps. If none can be found inside, head outdoors where a cloud of smoke will greet you as you walk by your targeted fashion people. engage them in a deep conversation by asking for a light. Fashion people will feel a sense of accomplishment from lighting you cigarette, a feeling that will render them 50% annoyed and 50% like they’re the Mother Teressa of fashion. Be sure to stroke their ego and compliment them on the shoes/blouse/ass-less chaps they’re wearing and they may actually invite you inside to meet their friends, which is the equivalent of getting an invite to a house-party hosted by Marc Jacobs. Be thankful, walk inside and before meeting anyone, run back outside to smoke another cigarette. The attention alone will warrant you goodess status amongst the fickle crowd for a full 30 minutes.