[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRc4LkBRjIc&feature=related[/youtube]
Trend forecasters are the Sylvia Browns of the fashion world, which means they are over paid, chain smoking mythomaniacs who garner huge amounts of praise and acclaim for deriving psychic-like predictions from their asses. Editors & designers (the kings and mostly queens of the fashion world) will pay thousands of dollars for a sampling of what these soothsayers have to offer. “Cerelion is the new blue” or “Gaucho pants will be big for spring 2010″ are often seen as amazing feats of forecasting that are only privy to the ears of the highest bidders.
Once such information is collected by the royals, it is dispensed amongst the pheasant class fashionistas in the form of magazine articles and runway shows which encompass predicted color schemes and styles. These “trends” provide a uniform for fashion people who have no personal style and are unable to formulate their own original look. More importantly “trends” allow fashion people to criticize those who don’t follow them. Statements like “Wait, you seriously don’t own a pair of fuscia riding boots!?! Tragic.” and “I couldn’t live without my [insert seasonal must have here]. Oh, I’m sorry you didn’t pre-order one? How sad for you.” are common amongst the most trend obsessed fashion people.
When dealing with the trend dependent fashion person it’s always important to take note of their “stylish” look. Show that you are current on all seasonal trends by commenting on the colors and styles they are wearing. This will make the fashion person feel even more elite and will allow them to embrace your presence. If asked about your style, it is smart to say that it is based on a future trend or one from the runways of Europe or some obscure fashion week in Guam. Remember, anything you wear can be deemed a trend. The velour Juicy track suit you refuse to take off can be reinvented as “Hollywood reject chic from the runways of Berlin, Spring 2008″. The over-sized denim and striped shirt you’re addicted to can be “a recent look on the runways of Tibet called “Jersey Douchebag”. Upon hearing these descriptions the fashion person will instantaneously praise you for your trendsetting bravery and will even ask for the hotline number of your pay-per-minute trend psychic.
Futurist, Husband, Lover of Small Animals. I'm the quintessential jaded New Yorker with a mind for all things fashion. My articles are the type you'd expect from the popular girl at school; mean spirited and ready to pour some pigs blood on your homemade prom dress.
