As big as the Globes’ crush is on Gosling, it can’t hold a candle to the raging boner the Hollywood Foreign Press has for George Clooney, who’s nominated for three awards — Best Director and Best Screenplay for The Ides of March and Best Actor for The Descendants. Why don’t you put it back in your pants, HFA?

And the other nominees are:

Best Motion Picture — Drama (or, films that no one has seen)

The Descendants

The Help

Hugo

The Ides of March

Moneyball

War Horse

Best Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical (or, wait, is My Week with Marilyn a comedy?)

50/50

The Artist

Bridesmaids

Midnight in Paris

My Week with Marilyn

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama

George Clooney, The Descendants

Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar

Michael Fassbender, Shame

Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March

Brad Pitt, Moneyball

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama

Glenn Close, Albert Noss

Viola Davis, The Help

Rooney Mara, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical

Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Brendan Gleesen, The Guard

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50

Ryan Gosling, Crazy, Stupid Love

Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical

Jodie Foster, Carnage

Charlize Theron, Young Adult

 Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids

 Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

Kate Winslet, Carnage

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn

Albert Brooks, Drive

Jonah Hill, Moneyball

Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method

Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Berenice Bejo, The Artist

Jessica Chastain, The Help

Janet Mcteer, Albert Nobbs

Octavia Spencer, The Help

Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

Best Screenplay — Motion Picture

Woody Allen - Midnight in Paris

George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon - The Ides of March

Michel Hazanavicius - The Artist

Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash - The Descendants

Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin - Moneyball

Best Director — Motion Picture

Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

George Clooney, The Ides of March

Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist

Alexander Payne, The Descendants

Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Television Series — Drama

American Horror Story

Boardwalk Empire

Boss

Game of Thrones

Homeland

Best Television Series — Comedy or Musical (or, what the fuck about Community?)

Enlightened

Episodes

Glee

Modern Family

New Girl

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series — Drama

Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Kelsey Grammer, Boss

Jeremy Irons, The Borgias

Damian Lewis, Homeland

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series — Drama

Claire Danes, Homeland

Mireille Enos, The Killing

Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife

Madeleine Stowe, Revenge

Callie Thorne, Necessary Roughness

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series — Comedy or Musical

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

David Duchovny, Californication

Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory

Thomas Jane, Hung

Matt Leblanc, Episodes

Also nominated from the acclaimed mini-series are fellow Oscar-winner Melissa Leo, Evan Rachel Wood and Mare Winningham — all vying for Outstanding Supporting Actress — Guy Pearce for Supporting Actor and Todd Haynes was recognized for his direction as well as his script.

The show started off with a Glee-themed fagtastic bang with Tina Fey, Jane Lynch, Jon Hamm and last living Golden Girl Betty White (some say she’s overexposed, but she’s 800 years old and could go any minute so I’ll take as much as I can, thank you) joining the Glee kids and Fallon for a cover of “Born to Run.” It was pretty much downhill from there, but it was a gentle and slow descent, made more comfortable by getting all the fun awards out early.

Proving that there is a god somewhere, Jane Lynch (woefully sans a pantsuit yet again) picked up the Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy. Eric Stonestreet won a well-deserved Outstanding Supporting Actor for Modern Family, which also went home with the Outstanding Comedy Series trophy at the end of the night.

Edie Falco won her fourth Emmy, this time for Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. A controversial choice, perhaps, but Carmine Soprano literally shits Emmys . I’m holding out hope for Amy Poehler next year, though, that is if Parks and Rec makes it that long. And some guy from some show on CBS I will continue to ignore, I mean, Jim Parsons won Lead Actor.

My frequent nemesis January Jones might have lost to Kyra Sedgwick for Outstanding Lead Actress in  a Drama, but she won best dressed in my book, wearing a gorgeous Atelier Versace gown. Though I wish she had done her hair in a chignon and left the messy bed head hair to Cammy Diaz.

Aaron Paul -- Wrap him up, I'll take him to go.

Bryan Cranston picked up his third consecutive Emmy for Lead Actor for Breaking Bad and his hottie of a co-star Aaron Paul won for Supporting. Newcomer Archie Panjabi took home Outstanding Supporting Actress for The Good Wife. Then Mad Men sauntered off with the Outstanding Drama Series for the third year in a row.

Newly-minted Emmy winner, NPH and wife

Though Betty White and Neil Patrick Harris won for their guest starring roles on SNL and Glee, respectively, their trophies were handed out at the Shmemmys earlier, thus robbing us of what would surely have been a hot and heavy make-out session everyone…?…the gays…?…okay, that I have been anticipating since the nominees were announced.

That was one of a few disappointments in an otherwise — dare I say it? — great show. The awards, for the most part, went to the right people and I got to scream at Brittany Murphy and Rue McClanahan one more time during the In Memoriam slideshow. The fashion at the Emmys, however, left a lot to be desired.

Kim Kardashian in Marchesa. Shock.

The big theme of the night was Greek/Egyptian, with a lot of one shoulders, goddess gowns and geometric necklines, heavy on the jewelry and metallics.

Rose Byrne going Grecian

The red carpet was a big snore, except for a few bright spots, such as Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen and the aforementioned Betty Draper.

From what I’ve been reading, most people hate both of these looks, but that’s the price you pay for bringing high fashion to American TV sets.  There were, admittedly, some horrible missteps and yes I am looking at you Heidi Klum.

Hot tranny mess, working that tired drag for all its worth

The usually flawless supermodel and Emmy nominee (?) opted for a Marchesa mini. Meanwhile, if I never see another Marchesa gown on the red carpet I could die happy. The amazing Lauren Graham also faltered a bit in Yigal Azrouël, riding that damned Grecian theme straight into hell.

Is that bracelet bulletproof?

Lea Michele went overboard with the ruffles in Oscar de la Renta and her boobs always looked as if they were about to jump ship as well.

She should have taken a cue from co-star Dianna Argon who looked beautiful in  Carolina Herrera.

I would have liked the dress to be a little shorter, however, about mid-calf,  to play off a 50s silhouette. But, as the New Directions kids put it, you can’t always get what you want. Then again, at least Lea didn’t follow in the tranny footsteps of her other castmate, Naya Rivera, who apparently thought she was going to a quinceañera.

God bless her for trying.

I can’t wait to hear what Joan Rivers has to say about all this, but until then, what’s your opinion? Who looked stunning and who just looked stunned?

Some skanky Hockey Mom.

Amy Poehler...the "cool" mom in Mean Girls.

Let’s face it, there is nothing cool about moms that wear pink velour Juicy Couture sweatsuits, flaunt their belly-button piercings, show off their cleavage to their kid’s friends, smell like a baby prostitute or wear Rock and Republic jeans. Really, anyone over the age of 40 that goes out looking like they are about to hit up a high school dance should be given a reality check. Yes, you are old. No, you shouldn’t be wearing your 14-year-old daughter’s clothes. Yes, you turn heads…but not in a good way. No, you are not cool.

If there is one thing I really applaud, it is a woman who embraces her age and dresses for it. Dressing like a “mom” doesn’t mean you lose fashion and sex appeal. My mom looks killer in her Ralph Lauren blazers, Brooks Brothers sweaters and Calvin Klein jeans…and seeing that she has been married to my dad for 31 years means she must be looking good! 

Take my advice. If your mom has nicer clothes than you do, gets her nails done more frequently, dyes her hair obsessively and compliments your friend on her “stellar” heels, I recommend you ditch her while she’s shopping at Guess and head for higher ground. In the meantime, I’ll be hitting up 5th Ave with my cool mom.