F*ck Ups: Animal Bags

Edited by Amanda Gabriele

I made a trip to Akron last night to visit with friends and dance to some good music. Upon arrival at the bar, I bought a drink, found a table and headed to the bathroom. But something stopped me right before I could make it into one of the miserable stalls. I saw this furry penguin backpack purse and literally could not avert my stare. It’s one thing for a child, age six, to be toting one around the county fair with her sticky, cotton candy coated fingers. But it’s quite another to see a dead penguin sipping on a gin and tonic while the wearer is sweating it out to Cut Copy.

If you are going to look like a fool, at least do it in style. A furry penguin should be worn when ice skating in Rockefeller Center. The black and white cow style should be lugged about while working on farm scooping manure and feeding chickens. Finally, the lovely dolphin design would work at Sea World or while deep sea diving. So, buy these bundles of creepiness for you nieces and nephews if you desire. But if you are old enough to drive, you’re definitely too old to carry one yourself.