There are many things that bring me joy, but only only one thing that makes my Spider-sense tingle off the radar. Failed songstress/MTV Stars getting fired. Got the boot from Melrose Place. All is well in the world today.

Random argument happening at the office right now…which Simpson sister has more money, Jess or Ashlee (without Pete)? Jessica has a successful (don’t ask me why) clothing company, but Ashlee has a music and tv career. So who makes more?

Nah just joking, it’s Mayim Bialik from Blossom.  Yeah, she’s still wearing those cardigans and she turns 33 today.  If there is one celebrity I’d like to see make it out of her dark period it’s her, seriously girl have you seen what they’ve done for Ashlee Simpson.

From Not to Hot in Under 60 Stitches

Take a couple hours under the knife and you’re a Pussycat Doll. Just saying, it’s something to consider.

If you can’t afford it hopefully someone out there is working on Extreme Makeover: Celebrity Edition or Celebrity Swan or Dr.90210 or that Tim Gunn show or something, Jesus can someone save her, I can’t imagine her husband being happy with this…

Oh wait, never mind sweetie you’re ahead of the game. Seriously, he’s not going anywhere.

Wow.

I’ve never seen a family so committed to brown, it’s encouragable.

Can someone please buy these photos? We can't afford Huggies...

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have failed to find a buyer for their baby’s photos.

So Bronx Mowgli won’t be joining the annuls of celebrity spawn we actually give a fuck about. My suggestion to Ashlee is to just give this one up for adoption and try to pop out some twins with a celebrity people actually care about, maybe one of the Jonas Brothers.

Here are five reasons why no one wants photos of your bastard child, just in-case you were wondering…

1. He didn’t pop out of Angelina’s uterus.

2. The baby wasn’t born with your new nose.

3. Nobody wants to see a baby with guy liner.

4. You can’t feature Mowgli without Baloo. Disney’s rules, not our own.

5. The Economy. You can pretty much blame it for anything these days.

People reported that Ashlee Simpson finally gave birth to a baby boy. His name…you better sit down…Bronx Mowgli Wentz.

So apparently it’s cool to name kids after boroughs and Disney characters, got it. Think I’m gonna name my child Queens Dumbo…

Here are a selection of actresses deisgned shoes for the annual Stuart Weitzman Auction. I know this for auction, but there is some serious ugly going on here. This is why these ladies have stylists, they have no sense of fashion. Another reason why celebrities shouldn’t design.

Blake Lively

Ashlee Simpson

Jada Pinkett Smith

Jessica Alba

[Source]

Before:

After:

Besides the obvious nose job, I think that Ashlee Simpson’s stylist has done a good job keeping Ashlee not looking like a trashy teenage metal kid. The only problem I have with the nose job is that she looks way too much like an Olsen twin. I mean there is nothing flattering about the pose she is in above. It looks like she’s popping a squat in a parking lot or something. It’s unfortunate that her husband will be a no one in a few years and we won’t hear about Ashlee anymore. Oh and if Pete convinces her to name her child something she better go all out and name it Foot or something.