“During the BET Awards in 2006 I witnessed the makings of a real relationship between two overly focused individuals willing to sacrifice and make time for each other in the midst of accomplishing their personalized greatness.”

Translation: During the BET “Awards” in 2006, I witnessed the fabrication of a relationship between a gaggle of agents, publicists and Tina and Matthew Knowles to augment Jay Z and Beyoncé’s personalized greatness.

“I was the personal assistant to Beyonce while she prepared for the debut of her new single Deja Vu. I can recall having the song on repeat throughout the duration of my flight from Chicago to LA and feeling captivated by the 808′s and horns. There was something about the song that made me feel as if I were being transported to another place all in the name of love.”

Translation: I was Beyoncé’s assistant’s hairdresser’s best friend’s third cousin while she prepared for her new single “Déjà Vu.” I can recall having the song on repeat through the duration of a bus ride to get my hair did and couldn’t help thinking “This sounds a lot like ‘Crazy in Love’ if ‘Crazy in Love’ kind of sucked.”

“I sat there in amazement as I watched Beyonce go over every step as if her life depended on it. I’d heard all the stories and rumors that she was evil and possibly the daughter of Satan but none of that surfaced.”

Translation: I sat there in amazement as I watched Beyoncé go over every step because her life depended on it (Matthew was backstage eying her with his switch). I’d heard all the stories and rumors that she was evil and possibly the daughter of Satan. And they’re all true.

“He [Jay] said hi to her mom and mentioned that he wanted to fake [sic] her (Beyonce) out and say he wasn’t coming just to surprise her and it worked. The two clicked instantly and started rehearsing but not before a hint of comfort was relaxed on their faces as they found solace within each others arms. ”

Translation: He [Jay] offered his sacrifice of a beheaded former member of Destiny’s Child to her mom and mentioned that he and B were contractually obligated to go out on a “date” this month. The two clicked instantly and started rehearsing but not before Tina sewed Beyoncé into her silver lamé House of Dereon slutty cheerleader  costume and they found solace within their Blackberrys.

Link Love: Such Is Life

If Omarosa wore this in the board room then she would be FIRED!

Laila Ali is usually a knockout but this dress is not working.

Remember when Dru Hill were R&B chart toppers, well no one born after 1993 does.

I get it “futuristic” is in, but someone beam her up to the mothership ASAP.

Who the hell are these guys and what the hell are they wearing?

Ashanti wows in red…Too bad her career doesn’t.

The Smiths win my vote for most fashionable family.

Queen Latifah has come a long way from her days as a hardcore rapper from Jersey.

John Legend always dresses sharp.

Normally I would hate this, but for some reason Cassie turns it out.

Lil Mama looks like a ten year old that’s been kept hostage by a pedophile who forced her to wear this shit while cleaning during which the sicko got his rocks off.

Rapper Jacki O’s dress looks like it was bought at Foreva 21 and then attached a Chanel label (made in Chinatown) right underneath her boobs where it is holding on for dear life. Not to mention how tight the garment actually is, and short, and who wear knit in summer heat? Okay, one last thingy, the silver Payless high-top sneakers are utterly hideous.

Nothing says class better than onesie induced silver sequined camel toe.

Singer Ledisi’s look is right from my junior high Homecoming dance.

Rapper MC Lyte went to Century 21, bought 4 different Cavalli dresses on clearance, and sort of sewed them together, than accidentally tore the bottom on the way to the awards.

Fake pleather snakes skin inspired fabric…that’s all.

Not the best way to wear this seasons color, and please lower the waist line, and remove a few layers of ruffles.

Why did this girl think that leopard print shoes match the flower explosion print on her dress?

Trina, this is way too short. Not exactly the greatest legs to be showing off. Such a pretty girl, so sad!

Jordin Sparks’ dress is a great color on her skin, yet the large pleat in the middle of her crotch makes it appear as though the dress is too tight. Love the look though!

Jennifer Hudson is a darling, love her and can’t say enough good things about her. The dress on the other hand is having the same issue as Jordin’s, the large fold across her crotch makes her look larger than she is.

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