Now, I know you didn’t watch the Tonys — even I tuned out after growing tired of waiting for Patti Lupone to rip out Kristin Chenoweth‘s weave, but since this is the future, Brooke’s blunder is a moment that will live on forever and ever. Or at least till something with a cat doing something ornery and cute overtakes the Interwebs…in about 5 seconds.

Check out the video below, and if you can’t bear to sit through the entire opening musical number — but Harris does give her all, Liza bless her — skip to 3:11 to see Shields stun and stumble:

Brooke will be rated on the below categories, five being the highest and 1 being the lowest.

Fit: 3

Appropriateness: 4

Trendiness: 3

Styling: 3

Shoes: 4

Hair: 5

Makeup: 3

Pose: 2

Confidence: 3

Brooke just does not do it for me, and this look is not on her side. The bottom is too tight, and the dress as a whole is too young for her. She looks stiff and completely confused, like she doesn’t know where the hell she is. Brooke needs to get her act together before people completely forget she was ever a model at all.

Let’s start with the best of the Derby, the Southern Belles who embodied the spirit of the event in a tasteful and classic manner.

Johnny Weir is the winner of best dressed! He looks amazing in his dandy ensemble and gorgeous oversize hat.

Ashley Simpson looks absolutely adorable (something I don’t get to say very often) in her cloche hat, pearls and polka dots. It’s 1922 at the Derby and she is in high style. But I wish she would have put her hair up.

I love this bright periwinkle dress Jaime Pressly chose to pair with her dark hat and shoes. But I can’t tell if the dress is wrinkled or not, which is a little irritating to the eye.

Doesn’t LeAnn Rimes embody the spirit of the Derby perfectly? I really adore the floral mini dress and how the ribbon on her elegant straw hat matches it to a T. I would have done a different shoe, but that’s me.

Joey Fatone is certainly N*SYNC with the festivities (forgive me, it’s Friday and I’ve already started with the juleps). Give me red roses and feathers any day of the week.

This is a very special photo that will take us from the best dressed at the Derby to the worst dressed. Kim Kardashian looks absolutely gorgeous. Her look is sexy and sophisticated, and I especially love the hat and wrist gloves. Brava, Kim.

Kris Kardashian on this other hand looks a mess. This dress is not flattering on her and the patent leather stripper shoes were a poor choice for the event. AND I could make a leather tote bag out of her sun damaged skin. Bad, bad, bad.

God in heaven, save us from the evil that is Brooke Shields‘ hat. It seriously looks like her whiny kids made it for her in school – a failed attempt on Brooke’s choice to wear it and the children for being poor crafters. And I think I had this same dress when I was five, so maybe she borrowed it from her daughters too?

I was a little torn here, because all of these hats are fabulous. Kenda look bangin’, she is actually one of the best dressed in my opinion. HOWEVER, where in Satan’s hell did Bridget and Holly get those dresses? Macy’s junior department prom section is about on par with these disasters, couldn’t they get anything better? Wait, probably not. Hef also looks pretty fly for a 200-year-old man.

An all black outfit to the Derby? Are you f*cking kidding me Gabrielle Union? In the words of Carrie Bradshaw‘s unfortunate party girl friend Lexi Featherston, “I’m so bored, I could die.”

And here it is, the absolute worst outfit of the 2010 Kentucky Derby. Bethenny Frankel opted for a light pink seersucker jumpsuit with matching ruffle, side tail and hat. But I think the lollipop is what pisses me off the most. It kind of looks like she wrapped herself in a baby blanket, no?

I hope you enjoyed this very special Kentucky Derby edition of Red Carpet Report Card. Stay tuned for the best and worst dressed at this year’s event next week.

In her broken English — or badly translated Italian — Sozzani extols the virtues of Yves Saint Laurent‘s nakedness, Stephanie Seymour‘s snatch, and the artistic nudes of Helmut Newton and Richard Avedon.

They knew how to be naked back then!

She then goes on to call Terry Richardson and Juergen Teller trashy and blame them for transforming nudes into “something sexy and crude rather than glossy.” Whatever “glossy” is supposed to mean.

The editrix then goes on to attack the Tom Ford-helmed issue of Vogue Paris, featuring a wide range of exploitation:

“How about little girls? Wearing heavy make up, sexy clothes, posing in poses that are outrageous for their age.”

Sozzani seems to think that the pinnacle of child exploitation was in the 80s Brooke Shields pedo-fest, Pretty Baby, as “the images were actually romantic for the harsh reality [baby prostitution] portrayed in them.”

And as for those naked elderly people, she’d prefer they keep their wrinkly birthday suits covered up, thank you very much.

Franca Sozzani’s point in all of this is that the images being presented should say something and not just shock for the hell of it.  I love a nude male model as much as the next lady, often much much more, but when does it go from being art or fashion and just becomes porn?

Answer: point of insertion.

But beyond that, if a collection just isn’t good, there’s no point in calling it avant-garde. That’s an easy cop-out. If an article of clothing defies categorization or tradition, sure, call it avant-garde. But feel free to listen to Franca when in doubt:

“If what’s beautiful depends on your opinion, what’s ugly just repulses you.”

What do you think? Does Franca Sozzani have a point?

Link Love: Vogue Italia

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To say we love pervs would be an understatement. WE LIVE FOR PERVS. Here’s our list of our all time favorite naughty fashionites, who are infamous for their stylish perversions.

(In no particular order)

Terry Richardson. The Anything But Camera Shy Perv

To explain Terry’s perverseness to a non-fashion person, would be equal to trying to explain restraint to Peaches Geldof. Aside from being well known for great photos of young models naked, Terry tips the scales of pervyness by asking girls to call him “Uncle Terry” and breaking down the fourth wall by flipping the script and letting models shoot him, usually with his cock hanging out. Classic.

Recently several models have come out to say how they felt exploited by him. One even went on to say, “I can remember doing this stuff, but even at the time, it was sort of like watching someone else do it, someone who couldn’t possibly be me because I would never touch a creepy photographer’s penis.” Hater. Sounds like someone was angry they didn’t photoshop a little more cellulite of her ass and has sour grapes that Uncle Terry never called her back.

Karl Lagerfeld, The Creepy Old Man Perv

The bees knees at Chanel, Karl Lagerfeld has been the epitome of luxury since taking the reins at one of the industry’s most respected fashion houses. Of course, on the surface Kaiser Karl seems posh and prim with well suited attire but underneath lies a ragging sexual energy that at his age puts him in a category shared by that Uncle who insisted of having you sit on his lap when you were 9 and that creepy old pedophile from Family Guy, hmmmmmm.

When he’s not shooting photos of his lust interest Baptiste Giabiconi, Gramps is cruising the back pages of the Village Voice for male companions.  He recently went on the record with Vice Magazine and told the world how he enjoys the company of male escorts saying, “I don’t like sleeping with people I really love. I don’t want to sleep with them because sex cannot last but affection can last forever. I think this is healthy.” He continued by saying that he only has sex with “high-class escorts.”

Later in the interview, Lagerfeld revealed his views on the hierarchies of society: “For the way the rich live, [sex with escorts] is possible. But the other world, I think they need porn.”  And I think I need a shower [and a larger bank account].

Dov Charney, The All American Perv

The mustache behind American Apparel (more like American A-perv-al, hahaha, I crack myself up) is not only a fan of porn stars and barely dressed hipsters, but also of sexual harassment charges. Charney has been the subject of several lawsuits, none of which have been proven, by former employees who claim the Chief Erecting Officer has had his share of inappropriate office interactions.  With reports of touching himself during magazine interviews and running around his Los Angeles factories in his underwear, it’s no wonder that this demigod of hipsterdom will always make the list.

VIDEO: Dov Charney Makes Sharpies Sexy

Madonna, The Grandma Perv

Let’s be honest, Madonna has done it all, and we mean literally done it all. She came out with her now infamous “SEX” book which featured strong adult content and hardcore pornographic pictures. She had a three-way kiss with America’s then virginish Britney Spears. And she’s had more wide-loads down her vadge-pass than the Holland Tunnel.  But all in all, Madonna has reign the supreme bitch of perversion.

Currently, the queen of pop is dating a sexy, latin boytoy, Jesus Luz. While that in itself isn’t horrible, it’s a massive age difference between the two that really wins this Material Girl a spot on this list, cause Jesus is technically old enough to be Madge’s grandson. We’ve done the math.

Tom Ford, The “No Ones Complaining” Perv

He’s just too sexy. He can talk about dicks and sex all day long, pose nude and force random objects up models asses but there is not a person in the world who’d ever complain. By far the sexiest of the pervs, Tom Ford reigns supreme.

Olivier Zahm, The European Editor Perv

The editor of the border pushing Purple Magazine, Olivier counts Terry Richardson and Karl Lagerfeld as BFF’s. Him and Terry are often seen together at events and if you, like me, are addicted to Olivier’s diary you’d see daily updates of naked women, naked Olivier, and of course cute photos of his daughter.

Isabel Mastache, The “Is That A Banana In Your Pocket” Perv

The pants pictured above. Enough said.

Calvin Klein, The Perv Nothing Comes Between

From banned basement shots, to getting little kids in their underwear, to perverting the streets with people in acts of sexual throws, Calvin Klein has managed to keep things teetering on the border of perversion for decades.

This also the same mind behind a teenage Brooke Shields saying “Nothing come between me and my Calvin’s” in a very inappropriate, slightly statutory ad. His latest perversion includes ads featuring threesomes, a naked Eva Mendes, the bare backside of a oiled up ebony model, and Twilight’s Kellan Lutz and True Blood’s Mehcad Brooks wearing nothing but undies asking us if we want to see their dick!!! Not bad for one season of advertising.

Jane Aldridge & Bryan Boy, The Blogging Pervs

Daniel Saynt might enjoy promoting Fashion Porn to the masses, but two fashion bloggers bring it up a notch in naughtiness.

A self described “Dirty Old Man”, Jane may appear to be a sweet little Texan who loves shoes and raiding her momma’s closet, but deep down we know she’s got it in her to make this list. Her other, less known blog They Don’t Call Them Lovers In High School runs the gauntlet of perversion with photos of naked anime schoolgirls, full frontal crotch-shots, and of course, stuffed animals in inappropriate positions.

The Bobby Trendy of fashion blogging, Bryan Boy’s perversion knows few bounds. From listing “Anal Sex” as a favorite activity on Facebook to submitting photos of himself with his pants down to Style.com, Bryan Boy manages to remain perverted while rocking a killer set of heals. Recent updates on cruising Craigslist for casual encounters and hitting up Grindr for nightly interests, make this one blogger who’s not afraid to give it to us straight and for that reason we totally love him!!!

Lady Gaga, The Whole New Level Perv

In a matter of a year, Lady Gaga has reigned supreme as master of the next generation of pervs. She rarely wears pants, makes out with just about anyone, humps pool toys, dances around prison cells naked, claims to have sex with everyone she meets and will not stop until she’s on the ground, grinding to exhaustion.

Her latest video Telephoneis a nearly ten minute extravaganza in which she shows off her crotch, kisses some prison bull dikes, drives a “Pussy Wagon”, plays lesbian lover to Beyonce and finally dances around the dead bodies of her poisoned victims. LOVE IT!!! Just wish I was her next victim, this girl is like butter for a fat person, necessary in large amounts!!!

Brooke Shields is once again trying to prove that she’s still in the game…she’s now attempting to model again after the utter failure of her widely bashed eyelash commercials. More pics after the jump…

LINK LOVE: Pop Crunch

In the weirdest news from the Met gala, Kiefer Sutherland apparetnly head-butted Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough (above left) so hard he broke his nose at an after-party at SubMercer.  Jack was rushed to the hospital.

From Guest of a Guest: “While guests like Mary-Kate Olsen (who hit up more than one party of course), and Kirsten Dunst looked on, the actor apparently was upset over Brooke Shields.”

LINKAGE: NY MAG via Guest of a Guest

GALLERY: Models At The Met 

Thanks NY Mag!

To celebrate “Two Decades of Glamour” Badgley Mischka has recruited some of their Hollywood favorites.

Eva Longoria, Carrie Underwood, Brooke Shields, Lauren Hutton and Anjelica Huston will appear alongside the designers in an ad campiagn for Badgley Mischka’s 20th anniversary.

The ad campaign, by Annie Leibovitz, will debut in April magazines.

Is this really necessary?

[Source]

Business woman? I don’t think so. Blayne took a chance but the results weren’t promising.

Team leader, Kelli, got sent home instead of Daniel as her leopard print failed to inspire the judges

Jerell’s design was cute and appropriate for the task. Fortunately, him and Stella worked well together.

Korto’s design had us a little worried in the beginning, but with help from Joe, they pulled through.

Keith’s winning design worked wonders on the judges. The ruffles were flirtatious and it was business savvy.

Terri ended up having more than enough to work with. Luckily, there was no disaster even though Suede almost had a panic attack.

Episode 5 of Season 5 kicked off as designers got thrown into the Lipstick Jungle. Needless to say I was a little dissapointed when Brooke Shields was introduced as the “high-powered” woman that walked on set, but regardless, the designs were inventive. The task: Design an outfit dual in purpose. Brooke’s character needs to wear it in the office and out on the town for a night of cocktails and gossip. The result: Kelli was sent home because of her unimpressive “jungle” take and Keith was rewarded with the expectancy of his design sitting on Brooke Shields’ back.