If you grew up with Rodeo Drive in your backyard, interned two summers at Womenswear Daily and currently hold the position as fashion contributor at Teen Vogue, we would certainly hope that you have at least an ounce of style. Well Whitney Port, you might be “The Hills” glamour Barbie, but your clothing line is anything but glamourous and falls miles short of being impressive. 

Port’s new cocktail and nightwear clothing line, Eve & A, was recently picked up by Kitson Boutique. But I guess I’m not the only one vomiting over Port’s poorly executed ruffle-neck dress or her hideously constructed, costume-like sequin dress. Port’s line is listed as Whitney Eve on the Kitson website…that isn’t even the name of her clothing line! Maybe Kitson is so embarrassed of their agreement to sell Port’s line that they changed the name so people couldn’t find it! 

And just look at those gnarly prices! Who in their right mind, especially with the current economic situation, would drop $400-$500 for such crap? I suggest you take that money and invest in some Campbell’s Soup stock.. Honestly, what is going to make you feel safer? A delicious homemade bowl of chicken noodle soup or knowing that one of those monstrous garments could potentially attack you in your sleep?

Thanks NY Magazine!