No matter how hard you try, functional compartmentalization will never be fashionable. Furthermore, is it really too much to go out of your way and use pockets? A small purse, perhaps? The Cap-Sac was created to alleviate such inconveniences and is basically an even lamer reincarnate of that horrifying phenomenon, the fanny pack. I don’t care how many pockets it has or how many blinding colors it comes in, it does not conceal the fact that its just plain offensive. People who would find this cool:

Shortsighted hipsters who can say they wore it first.

Middle Americans—the kind who wear high waisted, tapered jeans out of necessity.

Blind people.