BASH Things We Hate More Than Twilight

Edited by Saynt

1. Twilight New Moon. Yes, we hate Twilight New Moon more than Twilight.  How can we come to this realization without actually seeing the movie? Because we just saw the preview and that living Troll doll Kristen Stewart is still in it. Even worse, there are now bad CGI werewolves. So basically this movie is a teener-bopper version of Underworld without hotties like Kate Beckinsale in it to make it bearable to watch. Worse of all it will probably make a load of money making Robert Pattinson the richest twink in the world. For shame…

2. Robert Pattinson. Do you really have to ask why?

3. Jon & Kate Plus Eight. Wait, people actually waste their time watching a chick with bad hair and a dude with a bald spot deal with their 8 brats? How in the fluck is the entertainment?!? I mean, if there was at least a creepy uncle/priest or a recent sex offender released in their neighborhood, there might be some entertainment value as they freak the fuck out everytime one of their kids goes missing, but I just watched an episode and they basically spend their time playing at the park. Really people? I’d question anyone who watches this show who isn’t a midwest wife with no life. Seriously, there’s something completely wrong with you if you find this entertaining. It literally defines you as someone who is (a) desperate for children, (b) can’t stand your own kids or (c) derive pleasure from watching other peoples kids. All of them are pretty bad, so please just stop.

4. Beth Ditto. I imagine her smelling really, really bad. Does that make me a fatist? Maybe, but the chick insists on a diet that consists of processed deli meats, McDonald’s french fries, and hairy fish tacos. Probably gonna get hate mail for  this, but can we get a slightly thinner/less vomit enducing fat style icon? 

5. MTV 2009 Movie Awards. For being Twilight’s bitch.

6. Bust-a-Nut Facials. For $250 this salon in NYC will rub sperm on your face. Currently wondering if they accept donations. 

7. College Musical. You know it’s coming. Expect Efron to “experiment”.

8. “Accidentally” Leaked Celebrity Nude Photos. Rihanna, Cassie, Vanessa Hudgens. We get that is sucks that your boyfriend beats you/is old enough to be your dad/doesn’t know you exist but that’s no reason to go around taking badly lit naked photos of yourself. Jebus, ladies have some self respect and call Hefner. At least he’d pay you for shots of your no-no zone.  

9. Susan Boyle. Wow, talk about a total let down. The hottest woman on Youtube lost to a group of Jabberwocky biters. 

10. The Montag Monster. Another genetically altered mutant freak washed up on the shores of the Hamptons only this time it wants you to buy it’s album on iTunes.

Cassie and Diddy Sex Tape?

Edited by Saynt

Nah, just joking. It’s just the closest thing we’ll ever see to it.

Diddy attempts to take us back to the late nineties with his horrible Blair Witch impersonation. The mogul figured he’d share with all of us his “fear” of Sarah Palin by reenacting his favorite scene from the overhyped shaky camera shitfest. Seriously dude, I’m more scared of the fact that you think it’s right to subject your minions to such an over remixed pop reference. You couldn’t do a Cloverfield-stye video and have Sarah Palin step in for the monster terrorizing New York. Or at least a Saw-reference as that’s the only “scary” movie that has had some staying power.

Poor attempt at parody dude, and where the hell is Cassie? If I was marrying an MySpace hip hop hottie I wouldn’t be alone in my bed diddling with my Final Cut Pro, if you know what I mean.

Plus dude, the Muppets did it better…