Are you there vodka? It’s me, anticipation. Hathaway is interviewed by bawdy bitch-and-a-half Chelsea Handler so I’ll be waiting with breath more bated than usual for my issue to turn up at my door. And with Karl Templer handling the styling duties, this should be one of the highlights of the September issue season.

Meanwhile, if you direct your attention to the lower left hand corner you’ll notice that Carine Roitfeld was interviewed by Karl Lagerfeld. No big deal, except perhaps being the best thing ever. But again, no big deal. [Design Scene]

Jennifer is allegedly “furious with Chelsea for bringing the whole situation back to life again and landing her on the cover of a weekly magazine…with a Brad headline.”

Also, Aniston “hasn’t felt this betrayed since John Mayer held a ‘press conference’ to announce he was breaking up with her.”

Oh, Jen. Jen, Jen, Jen. No one likes a whiner.

You’ve got a drunken pit bull in your corner, don’t muzzle the bitch. Keep her fed on vodka and human flesh then set her loose to rip that do-gooding, Oscar-winning, husband-stealing mother of 12 a new one.

Everyone wants you to, just give the people what they want.

LINK LOVE: Popeater

Sidebar: John Mayer’s a tool and his music is crap.

Gwyneth Paltrow, come on down! When researching her role as an alcoholic in her new film, Country Song, Gwyneth needed a little help. And so, like Lue Skywalker, Gwyneth consulted her very own Yoda, RDJ, in the ways of the Alcoholic Jedi. Then she killed Blythe Danner.

Last night, while on Chelsea Handler, the Obi-Won Kenobi of Alcholic Jedis, Paltrow admitted that “[she] didn’t understand how you could do something so crazy one night and kind of wreck lives in your wake and wake up and expect to be back to normal.”

Oh? Smell you alleged Oscar-winner Gwyneth Paltrow. Someone married Coldplay, turned faux-Brit and suddenly forgot how to party. You used to be fun, Gwynnie. And a good actress.

Ok, that last one’s just a boldface lie.

The next night I went with a couple friends to the Belvedere party, which every model and their mother decided to attend. I should have known when I saw on the invite that the Misshapes were the DJs that it would be model central. I mean models to the Misshapes are like gold diggers to investment bankers.  Keep reading…

But more importantly, vodka connoisseur, and one of my favorite memoirists, Chelsea Handler was there along with more former boss Ashley Olsen (no really I used to work for the Olsen twins, and no she didn’t remember me), Estelle, and Matthew Williamson. I really wanted to run up to Chelsea and tell her we’re secret BFFs, but fortunately I didn’t have that much vodka yet.

The good part is they gave us goodie bags with bottles of Belvedere so when we moseyed over to the Paper Planes party which was NOT open bar (tsk, tsk) we could use our bottles to doctor up some soda water on our own.

Nonetheless I loved the new issue. It was nice to see something super colorful and FUN for a change! I love fashion, but sometimes it just takes itself too seriously. But I digress. My new fav DJ Harley Viera Newton was shot by Fernando Lahoz and Walker Brockington for the issue. And she looks HOT!

Chelsea Handler and Abigail Breslin star in this cheeky fashion spread in the April issue of Harper’s Bazaar. Breslin wreaks havoc posing as a “Hollywood brat,” while Handler stars as her overwhelmed “publicist.” In the interview, Handler reveals her true feelings about Hollywood publicists, why her dad could never sue her, and her thoughts on health/fitness.

Handler on Hollywood publicists: “Sometimes the publicists are worse than the star,” observes Handler, who has certainly dealt with her fair share of the type. “They really are delusional. That’s why when I hired a publicist, I was like, I never want the type who is going to be such a pain in the ass and treats people terribly.”

On her dad, who she exploits in her latest book: “[My father] likes to have any attention, whether it’s negative or positive. He is pretty much under the correct impression that he has no say in anything I do and that my childhood was humiliating enough. So it’s payback time. If he tried to sue me, he’d have to borrow money from me to sue me.”

On working out: “[Sometimes] I’m running and get passed by a 70-year-old woman with a better body. I can’t be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.”

The April issue hits stands March 30th, more info on www.harpersbazaar.com/chelseahandler.

Our fave PR guru and star of our fave show, Kell on Earth, was on Chelsea Handler last night. As gifts, she brought whips, dildos, and a gold vibrator, how very Kelly!

Video on Fashionista

Image via Oh No They Didnt

Eliza Dushku, Chelsea Handler, Padma Lakshmi, Lynn Collins, and Sharon Leal get naked for Allure’s annual ‘Look Better Naked’ issue, which  looks more like soft core porn then a fashion spread, but what the hey, they all look great. LINKAGE: Egotastic