All Entries Tagged With: "crocs"

The Worst Possible Fashion Statment Ever!

TrendSpark: Hipsters Wearing Crocs

Goddamnit!!! I was afraid this might happen. I haven’t been on The Cobra Snake for sometime but today I jumped on to check out some photos from recent events I’m not cool enough to get invited to. Anywho, aside from being shocked by the unforgiving amounts of Henry Holland candids, I spotted the photo above in one of the galleries. Why hipster scum, why?!? There is no need to support Crocs. They are ugly little monsters that make you look like a complete fly-over state reject. Please, do not copy this trend. No one needs to support Crocs rise. 

Wait. Just realized something. Crocs are to the Millennium, as Sketchers are to the 90’s.  Damn, that’s a scary thought. On a side note, isn’t it time Sketchers got cool again, eh?

Old Man Wears Crocs. Oh, Shit Wait It’s Only Grandpa Tyler

Oh, Steve Tyler why!?!  This is unforgivable. I used to love Aerosmith, but Dude Looks Like a Lady is starting to sound like Dude Looks Like a Doucher to me. 

Photo from Jezebel

Crocs + Suit = 40 Year Old Virgin 2

I’m praying this is a joke. Like some how this guy lost a bet and was forced to wear crocs to work. And his supermodel wife thought it was hilarious and decided to blow him all night when he got home. But then I realize that’s not actually possible cause a) all supermodels lack a sense of humor and b) no one would actually fuck a dude in crocs.

Please people, if you see this happening around you, put the person wearing the offensive shoes out of their misery. Croc wearers breed more croc wearers. It’s an epidemic and it is your constitutional right to enforce marshal law on these bitches.

Croc Recycling Plant

It’s so strange how midwestern dorm fashion could trickle into our city..and we have to do something to stop its…trickling.  So Juice City has built the FIRST Croc recycling factory!All you that have succumb to the Crock itch have a chance to redeem yourselves By following these simple steps…-Drop Off your Crocs at one of our designated “Croc Boxes”-One of our Anti-Croc street teamers (in the middle of the night) will bring them to our croc recycling factory-And commence Croc destruction…. 

Just drop and walk away…and do not turn back.If only this were true. I’d be a happy camper.

Jenny Garth : Croc Whore

Further proof that no matter how washed up and useless you are in Hollywood, there will always be someone to pay you something for a product endorsement. This is just as pathetic as her “take it in the butt” husbands attempt to seem like this is some sort of “happy family”.  We know she dressed you this morning. No one with a testicle owns a canary yellow sweater and white khakis.  Plus any family that wears Crocs together cannot  possibly be happy!!!

I wonder how much Jenny girl got paid for this. It must have been substancial considering she had to get most of her family on board as well.   I can see the conversation now…

King Croc (aka Scientologist leader L.Ron Hubbard’s re-animated head) - “So Jenny, we want you to be the new spokesperson for Scien - um - ah - I mean Crocs.”

Jenny Garth - “Listen buddy, how much does the gig pay. I got a family of four and a latino pool boy named Philipe my husband doesn’t want us to get rid of, even though we don’t have a pool. I need some serious cash to pay for another round of botox and waxing for my hubbies taint.”

KC - “Jenny, we want all RPs (recessive personalities) to engage Crocs and discover the need to had over their lives as official CDs (Croc Devotees).  We already have Ludacris on board to get us the ODBs (old dirty bastards) from the UM (urban market) and now we need you to get us the SMs (soccer moms) and SADs (stay at home dads - yes, the acronym is SAD)”

Jenny - “Do I get paid extra if my husband and kids wear them too?”

KC - “Yes, Sciento - um ahem - Crocs are a family oriented brand. We want everyone to embrace them.”

Jenny - “Sounds good. Hey while I’m here, do you think you can get me on the 90210 remake 902102 (yes, that is the name of the new 90210 show. 902102.  I guess Laguna Beach was taken.)”

KC -  “How about a recurring role as Brenda 2.0s coke addicted guidance counselor.”

Jenny - “How about the role of Andrea, the old one, I’m about her age now?”

KC - “I was pushing John Travolta for that role. His drag turn in Hairspray makes him a shoe in.”