Laugh it up while you can, girls. Those boots are comin' off by 1st period.

In a letter to parents, Pottstown principal Gail Cooper announced the ban citing students hiding “items in their boots that  are prohibited in school.” Chief among these so-called “items” are cell phones, which according to the school handbook “must be turned off” and “kept in the student’s locker from 7:55 am to 2:30 pm.”

Understandably, the prospect of being without one’s cell phone for a six-and-a-half hour period is daunting for anyone in this day and age. I freak out if my phone’s not within clawing distance. But I’m also a hundred years old. Why twelve-year-olds needs their cell phone on them at all times when literally everyone they know is in the same building is beyond me. Besides, parents can simply call the school if they need to reach their pubescent progeny. My guess is Pottstown wants to cut down on all the damn sexting and tweeting and whatever the hell kids are doing these days. And if banning Uggs is the solution, so be it.

It should be noted, though, that students can still wear their Uggs to school, but have to ”change into a pair of sneakers or shoes before entering homeroom.” Meanwhile, “lace up, tight at the ankle, boots, shoes and high top sneakers” are still permissible. I wonder, where does Principal Cooper stand on Crocs in the classroom? [The Mercury]

Cargo Shorts

Useful. Yes. Practical. Sure. Awful. You betcha. Give me a utilitarian article of clothing anyday of the week, but there’s a time and a place for a multi-pocketed cargo short. And that time is called hiking outdoors or robbing a 7-Eleven.

- The new television Wonder Woman has nothing on Lynda Carter, not to mention that her costume looks like a cheap Jeremy Scott cast-off. [Socialite Life]

- The Sartorialist, Scott Schuman, caused a torrent of criticism when he referred to one of his subjects as curvy. Well, if the jeans barely fit, wear ‘em. [The Cut]

- Jake Gyllenhaal, give it up. [Socialite Life]

- Crocs will be donating 100,000 pairs of their footwear abominations to Japan, as if they haven’t suffered enough. [Racked]

- A woman in New Jersey can’t close her eyes, even to sleep, and blames her plastic surgeon over her most recent — of many — eye surgeries.  [Gawker]

A little boy was saved by his Crocs…the shoes stopped electricity from passing into the ground thus saving him from electrocution. The chances of being struck by lighting is 600,000 to 1, and the chance for being laughed at for wearing these is almost 99%…your choice!

LINK LOVE: Telegraph via Newser

LINK LOVE: Racked

They are called Oobees. They are house slippers with the sole of a sneaker so that you can wear them outside. You have been warned…

I hate Crocs, those plastic looking shoes that are worn by overweight chefs and former Presidents, but I feel that Oobees may officially have taken the cake as my MOST HATED shoe of all time. It’s a house slipper you can wear outside of your house and it’s by far the worst thing I’ve ever seen.

The concept behind these goes a little like this, you like wearing your house slippers at home while wrapped in your snuggie and enjoying reruns of General Hospital and Maury, so why can’t you wear them outside, in public, where everyone can see just how much you’ve let yourself go.

Traditional slippers aren’t made for the outside and normally get soaked or fall apart, but Oobees (I’m assuming it’s pronounced obese) has the solution. It’s a slipper with a rubber sneaker bottom so you never have to attempt to look stylish in public ever again!!!

The best part (or is it the worst part) is that there are matching handbags, make-up bags, t-shirts, pillows and blankets to match your Oobees, so you can shout to the world “I’m Here, I’m Oobees, Get Used To It!!!”.

You can buy these footwear nightmares at Oobees.com, but hurry cause some styles are already SELLING OUT!!!

GoingConcern.com has discovered a lawsuit in Germany where Porsche is suing Crocs over use of the word “Cayman.”  Apparently, both Porsche and Crocs make a Cayman model (above).

Read more: Fashionista

If only designers took pity on crocs and helped re-design them, instead you can pay $170 for the above sandal, courtesy of Givenchy.

LINKAGE: POPGLOSS

Ok. I don’t want to offend anyone, but look. Gladiator sandals. Why, ladies? I simply don’t understand. Do you want to look like an extra from Troy? Almost no one can pull off this shoe without looking like their bottom half comes from a different century. Ok, maybe this look can be totally rocked by a half-naked Italian model who spends her time being photographed by Guy Bourdain while draped languidly over obscenely expensive furniture, but this is not you. As much as you’d like to imagine yourself as a waifish, fashion-forward lady warrior, I’m sorry to say it, but you look awkward. Pairing gladiator sandals with denim shorts and a t-shirt from the Gap is a look that says “Hey, I totally read Vogue magazine, I get it, I’m trendy. I’m also an editorial assistant who makes under thirty thousand dollars a year and can only afford clothes from Marshalls—and unfortunately, as much as I’d like to strut around Newbury Street looking like I own half of Marc Jacobs’ inventory, I can only pull off looking like someone dissected Jason and the Argonauts and paired his bottom half with a freshman college student’s torso.” Is this really the message you want to give to passers-by?

Some trends are meant to be ignored. Maybe Mischa Barton can look good in it, but you’re not her. You’re a totally normal person. So dress like one. No Uggs (seriously, I don’t care it they’re warm and comfy. You can get warm shoes that don’t look like you stole them from an unconscious Australian backpacker. Also, especially don’t tuck your jeans into them. You will look like every teenaged girl I’ve ever seen. Be your own person.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on Crocs. The only people who are allowed to wear them are nurses. And nurses, since I’ve allowed you to wear Crocs, will you do me a favor and don’t put any of those cutesy little buttons on them?

1. Sweatpants/Pajamas in public. I never really understood this, it takes the same amount of effort to put on a pair of jeans as it does to put on all of these things. Ridiculous.

2. Ed Hardy. This photo speaks for itself.

3. Oakley mirrored/rainbow sunglasses. When is it really necessary to be wearing rainbow tinted sunglasses?  White people love how these make them look like a surfer/snowboarder/DOUCHEBAG.

4. Jean skirts + leggings + UGG boots. I am STILL waiting for this “trend” to go out of style. If it’s warm enough out for you to be wearing a skirt, you shouldn’t be wearing UGG boots..if it’s cold enough for you to be wearing UGG boots, you shouldn’t be wearing a skirt. Pick one or the other, please.

5. Socks and sandals.  Look at how short that guy’s pants are! This screams tourist/dad to me.  Who ever decided that this was acceptable?

6. Humor state-themed shirts.  Somewhere along the line, white people decided that it was hilarious to use semi-witty phrases along with whatever state they lived in.  Thus, the humor state shirt was born, and has sadly not died off yet.

7. Stupid tattoos. Butterflies, tribals, skulls, barbed wire, etc.

8. Crocs. I don’t care if they’re “super comfortable,” Crocs are and will always the THE UGLIEST FUCKING THINGS ON THE PLANET. Why they keep inventing different styles (sandals, flats), I have no idea.

9. Cargo shorts. White people LOVE these.  But why do you need all of those pockets?

10. Critter pants. To me, these seem like a cross between cargo pants and pajamas. Either way, not cool. And they look exceptionally dumb with those flip flops.

Don’t hate me more than you already do.

Fashin Fags broke the good news today, here’s what they had to say:

The auditor of Crocs has “substantial doubt” about the company’s ability to stay in business amid falling revenue. Praise!

I hope they are correct!

This lawsuit is almost as stupid as Libeck v. McDonalds…you know, the one where the woman “didn’t know” her coffee was hot and scalded her lap when it spilled. This time, Kerry Burdick of Pennsylvania, sued Crocs because her son’s toe got mangled when his foot got caught in an escalator. Sounds to me like a case of bad parenting, a mom allowing her 3-year-old to ride on an escalator. Lucky for her, Burdick snagged $7.5 million because she blamed Crocs for the boo-boo on the big toe. Apparently Crocs has had over 60 complaints due to escalator injuries and agreed to add an escalator warning label in the near future. 

I’m leaving it up to you, my fellow indies, to warn the rest of middle America about this Croc/ escalator madness and help me get these hideous excuses for footwear off the streets of our nation. 

Thanks Dlisted!

Wait. Just realized something. Crocs are to the Millennium, as Sketchers are to the 90′s.  Damn, that’s a scary thought. On a side note, isn’t it time Sketchers got cool again, eh?

Oh, Steve Tyler why!?!  This is unforgivable. I used to love Aerosmith, but Dude Looks Like a Lady is starting to sound like Dude Looks Like a Doucher to me. 

Photo from Jezebel

I’m praying this is a joke. Like some how this guy lost a bet and was forced to wear crocs to work. And his supermodel wife thought it was hilarious and decided to blow him all night when he got home. But then I realize that’s not actually possible cause a) all supermodels lack a sense of humor and b) no one would actually fuck a dude in crocs.

Please people, if you see this happening around you, put the person wearing the offensive shoes out of their misery. Croc wearers breed more croc wearers. It’s an epidemic and it is your constitutional right to enforce marshal law on these bitches.

Just drop and walk away…and do not turn back.If only this were true. I’d be a happy camper.

I wonder how much Jenny girl got paid for this. It must have been substancial considering she had to get most of her family on board as well.   I can see the conversation now…

King Croc (aka Scientologist leader L.Ron Hubbard’s re-animated head) – “So Jenny, we want you to be the new spokesperson for Scien – um – ah – I mean Crocs.”

Jenny Garth – “Listen buddy, how much does the gig pay. I got a family of four and a latino pool boy named Philipe my husband doesn’t want us to get rid of, even though we don’t have a pool. I need some serious cash to pay for another round of botox and waxing for my hubbies taint.”

KC – “Jenny, we want all RPs (recessive personalities) to engage Crocs and discover the need to had over their lives as official CDs (Croc Devotees).  We already have Ludacris on board to get us the ODBs (old dirty bastards) from the UM (urban market) and now we need you to get us the SMs (soccer moms) and SADs (stay at home dads – yes, the acronym is SAD)”

Jenny – “Do I get paid extra if my husband and kids wear them too?”

KC – “Yes, Sciento – um ahem – Crocs are a family oriented brand. We want everyone to embrace them.”

Jenny – “Sounds good. Hey while I’m here, do you think you can get me on the 90210 remake 902102 (yes, that is the name of the new 90210 show. 902102.  I guess Laguna Beach was taken.)”

KC -  “How about a recurring role as Brenda 2.0s coke addicted guidance counselor.”

Jenny – “How about the role of Andrea, the old one, I’m about her age now?”

KC – “I was pushing John Travolta for that role. His drag turn in Hairspray makes him a shoe in.”