- Porno producer Steven Hirsch was so taken with Pippa Middleton at the Royal Wedding that he's offered her $5 mil to appear in "just one explicit scene." After "racy photos" of Pip in nothing but a bra and panties surfaced, Hirsch was inspired to write a letter to the Duchess of Cambridge's younger, spotlight-stealing sister. Short but sweet -- if "sweet" means kind of douchebaggy  -- Hirsch also offered James Middleton (whose own scandalous pictures also leaked recently) $1 mil if she "would like to bring [him] along.” But hey, Hirsch is a class-act! There will be no royal incest on his watch because that mil is for a “separate scene.” [TMZ]

- Whitney Houston has apparently fallen off the wagon yet again — and knowing Whit she probably hit a few other wagons on the way down. The legendary singer has entered rehab for a third time for drug and alcohol treatment. My heart is breaking so, clearly I need to ask you, Whitney, where do broken hearts go? [People]

- Stefano Gabbana apparently leaked Penelope Cruz‘s Vogue cover on his Tumblr after receiving an advanced copy with the Oscar winner in a Dolce & Gabbana dress. Then Anna Wintour swooped down from on high, shut down the internet and removed said leaked cover from said Tumblr. Gabbana was later found quivering in the fetal position, clutching a piece of lace under the soothing spritz of his shower. [Styleite]

- Looks like someone’s been bitten by the diva bug. Pint-sized popper Justin Beiber was a brat while on the set of CSI filming his multi-episode stint, according to co-star Marg Helgenberger. Speaking on a French radio show, Helgenberger remarked: ”I probably shouldn’t say this, but he was kind of a brat….He locked one of the producers in a closet…and he put his fist through a cake that was on the craft services table.” Bieber, never one to sit back while his good name is dragged through the mud of network television responded like only an adult could — via Twitter: “It’s kinda lame when someone you met briefly and never worked with comments on you. I will continue to wish them luck and be kind.” Which basically translates to, “I don’t know or care who you are but I could buy you.” [Refinery29]

1.) PARIS HILTON: Even though she’s only famous for being daddy’s little future trust-fund baby, Paris has unfortunately soiled the world as an actress, reality television personality, singer, model, fashion designer, perfumer, television producer and porn star. And people wonder why foreigners laugh at Americans. 

2.) KATE MOSS: Aside from blowing coke, Kate has flirted with modeling, acting, singing, designing for TopShop and writing a cookbook! 

3.) LINDSAY LOHAN: When LiLo isn’t taking part in bulimic vomit sessions, she enjoys acting, singing (poorly), modeling, designing leggings and pretending to be a lesbian. 

4.) KANYE WEST: When the people at the Gap send Kanye home after a long day of interning, the Louis Vuitton Don loves to rap, write songs, design shoes, attending shows at fashion week and shave Amber Rose’s head.

5.) LAUREN CONRAD: Although Lauren’s clothing line failed miserably, she avoids suicide by keeping busy with being a reality television personality, appearing in Family Guy, singing, writing her autobiography and attempting to sell the remainder of her clothing line. 

6.) HILARY DUFF: She hasn’t been in the tabloids lately, but Hilary’s repertoire consists of acting, singing, modeling, designing clothes and looking like a horse with those veneers of hers. 

7.) PETE WENTZ: Being a douche bag is tough work, but Wentz still finds time to sing, act in CSI, design hideous clothes and own several bars. 

8.) HEIDI MONTAG: Wiping Spencer Pratt’s ass is awfully time consuming, so props to Heidi for making time to be a reality television personality, actress, singer and model. What an ambitious girl! 

9.) FERGIE: Aside from being the universal spelling-bee champion, Fergie prides herself on her singing, acting and designing careers. G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S. 

10.) NICOLE RICHIE: With a second baby in her belly and a reality television, singing, acting, maternity-wear designing career under her belt, Richie is the ultimate mom.