(*Nah, not  really but you already knew that right?)

Dear Diary,

This royal wedding mess has got me all fucked up and shit. 15 days away, Diary!…I’m over it. Heads be all, “Kate ain’t you happy to become a princess and shit?” and I’m all, “I GUEEEESSSSSSS. But heads be all up in my bangers and mash.”

Like, just yesterday I read that I was pregnant and my first thought was, “These  bitches think I’m fat!” Look, I haven’t eaten since January, so I won’t think twice about suin’ a ho.

I mean, it’s not like Will and I haven’t done it. Shit, we’ve been dating for 5 long years…a bitch has needs. And need I remind you why he fell in love with me in the first place…

BAM!

You’re welcome.

Will’s been trying to hit this since DAY ONE. And I ain’t no fuckin’ whore or nothin’, but let’s be real, Diary; we’ve done it in all 775  rooms of that motherfuckin’ palace.

I guess that’s the price of getting your royal shine on; everyone wants a piece of Kate. Take these two jack-offs in Somerset. They found a jellybean — a fucking jellybean — they claim looks just like me.

I’m sorry, but that jellybean does not look like the future Queen of England.

That won’t stop those d-bags from trying to sell that shit on eBay, though – for “about $815.”  That’s a really specific amount so I’m guessin’ somebody’s got drug debts. I know how that is so I’m not gonna hate, but next time I’m taking a percentage.

And then there’s all this mess about a wedding dress. Like…I get it! It’s fuckin’ epic. Fuck, I’m wearing it — I know! Just chill the fuck out, I’ve got a team of gays working around the clock. I’m totally gonna kick the shit out of princessin’.

All right, Diary, I gotta go. With only 15 days til this wedding, a bitch got shit to do. Princess shit. Because that’s how I’m rollin’ these days!

One,

K-Mids

[End of excerpt]

Who is the Carrie Parry woman?

I’d say someone that’s confident and really wants to wear something that they love and also feel proud of it and where it’s coming from. Someone that goes for classics but also likes a little bit of whimsy in their wardrobe. Something they can really play with and make their own.

You worked for a number of really excellent designers. Were there any that particularly influenced your designs?

Jonathan Saunders. He taught me how to print. We used to all the silk-screening by hand. He’s amazing and an extremely talented designer. I learned how to print there and from that I started teaching printing at a studio in London, and I think that really inspires the textiles that I do.

What’s the aesthetic for next Spring?

Next season I’m looking at bringing in more color and some casual pieces. I’d say my circus influence is always going to come through, especially in the spring with the sun and everything. That’s the direction it’s going to be going in in, but also keeping with the sophistication and wearability, of course.

Circus? What was the circus like??

It was amazing. I was there for two years, two seasons. It was the Gifford Circus in England. It toured the Cotswold, which is the English countryside. I did the costumes, and I also maintained the costumes throughout the season, so it was a lot of work, but it was an experience that I’m so happy I had.

What was the craziest piece you designed for the circus?

Oh, [laughs], a foam cockerel. It was a piece that someone stepped into to become a cockerel bird. It was pretty intense. I dressed up as a frog there as well. I had lots of hats at the circus; I did the costumes, but we also had a travelling organic restaurant that my husband actually ran, and I was a dishwasher there in the evening. I dressed up as a frog before the shows to entertain the kids. So it was a fascinating experience. And I often think about going back there for a season.

How did you ever get into the circus?

At Central St. Martin’s I took a year out to get some experience. And I’d always been fascinated with the circus; I did gymnastics and dance, and I’ve kind of always wanted to be a performer in the circus. That’s not where my path led me. So my professor at St. Martins told me of this great circus where she’s from. I went down and helped with the horses for a while then got hired to help with the costumes. But being from L.A., I had never been in a field or lived in a caravan. It was just such a different type of experience that I really loved.

At Central Saint Martins, was there any focus on sustainability and social responsibility?

Unfortunately not when I graduated in 2006. Now, however, the University of the Arts, London College of Fashion and St. Martins are really ahead on teaching sustainability throughout schools, but I just missed it.

When did sustainability become important to you?

I moved out to NY and was working at an accessory design company and witnessed firsthand the environmental impact that the industry had. So we were starting to build in a socially responsible handbag line. I started doing the sourcing of the materials for it, and got really obsessed, and decided that I couldn’t work in design under [not sustainable] circumstances. So I went to work for Earth Pledge and built their textile library, and signed up for classes at the University of Delaware in their Socially Responsible Business graduate program. And then I was working with designers helping them to source their fabrics at Earth Pledge and decided that I could combine my background in fashion, and my passion and drive to promote sustainability.

On a serious note, how many times in a day does someone Freudian slip you a “Katy Perry”?

My married name is Carrie Parry. I met my husband at the circus. Everyone made fun of me. When I was trying to figure out what to name the line, it was right there: Carrie Parry.

Barker Black‘s roots trace back to 1880 when Arthur Barker first began outfitting English gentlemen in his splendidly swanky shoes. After 125 years in the business, Barker Black is still fashioning first-rate luxury kicks with choice materials like woven silk wool, deerskin, and all-genuine leather.

Here’s a quick look at some items from Barker Black’s latest collection:

Negative, negative, negative, I totally dig her hair from last weeks Emma Watson posts, but this is a little T-Momsen inspired…

LONDON, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 10: (UK TABLOID NEWSPAPERS OUT) Emma Watson attends a Warner Bros - Leavesden Studios photocall held at Claridges on November 10, 2010 in London, England. (Photo by Dave Hogan/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Emma Watson

LONDON, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 10: (UK TABLOID NEWSPAPERS OUT) Rupert Grint, Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe attend a Warner Bros - Leavesden Studios photocall held at Claridges on November 10, 2010 in London, England. (Photo by Dave Hogan/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Rupert Grint;Emma Watson;Daniel Radcliffe

The latest figures report that 15% of all Britons, 18 to 34 years old, have powdered their nose at least once. Over the last year, 6.2% of 15- to 34-year olds claiming to have shaken hands with Mr. Charlie while, only a measly 4.5% of Americans in the same age range can claim to have licked the glass mirror.

Wolfgang Götz, director of the European drug agency, says that cocaine is still very popular in Europe because “[t]oo many Europeans still regard cocaine use as a relatively harmless accompaniment to a successful lifestyle.”

Well, of course it is. What else says “success” like staying up til four in the morning, blotting your bloody nostrils with tampons and talking about how much you hate your parents while listening to “Gold Dust Woman” for the 56th time?

…Or so I’m told.

LINK LOVE: Gawker

Lady GaGa hit the stage for some show in London, performing in what I can only imagine is a bunch of recycled tin cans. It was awesome.

LINKAGE: Lady GaGa on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross

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Lady Gaga knows how to dress for a bit of shopping. She totally looks like she’s from some future we can’t possibly understand. If this is her first act, I can’t wait to see what comes next.

LINKAGE: Fashion icon Lady GaGa shopping in London