I knew they were bad. Those flimsy slats of spongy stuff with only a rubber thong to keep us in place couldn’t possibly be good for our feet. And now the reports are in from general practitioners, podiatrists and emergency room physicians that prove that the flip-flop is out to get us when we least expect it – if common sense eluded us in the first place.

Take them out of their natural habitat, the beach, and into the office, the mall, the night club – it’s been done, *shudder* – and put yourself at risk of chronic foot and ankle pain, back injuries, escalator mishaps and seriously awkward looking falls, which if taped may get you shown alongside America’s Funniest Home Videos’ ‘crotch injury’ montage. 

Death by Haviana

Wearing flip-flops while driving is the danger equivalent of texting, applying mascara, shaving, and engaging in adult ‘relations’ – in other words, you greatly increase your chances of exchanging insurance details with an angry stranger, or worse – getting up close and personal with your local coroner.

“There have been episodes of horrific collisions caused when someone was
unable to brake because their flip-flop became caught,” Joanne Banfield, manager for trauma injury prevention at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre, tells the Toronto Star. 

The Silent Mangler

Banfield says there are limited statistics about injuries related to
flip-flops because it’s often not determined immediately that an injury
is directly related to wearing the sandals.

“Someone could have a hairline fracture or a sprain and never attribute it to their flip-flops,” says Banfield. 

See? Diabolical.

Ride a bike wearing flip-flops and you may find yourself enjoying the scenery one minute and the next – losing your shoe and your balance in a split second then slamming your boy or girl crotch on the crossbar (Morrissey had something awesome to say about this: “I crashed down on the crossbar and the pain was enough to make a shy, bald buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder” – you don’t want to chance that.)

For the record, I have never owned a pair of flip-flops, ever. They aren’t comfortable for daily wear (I don’t care what people say!), they offer zero support and make you unconsciously scrunch your toes to keep them on (however, I am acutely aware when this happens, it feels weird and nasty) which causes all kinds of anatomical problems, and I cannot wear a thong – when that plastic or rubber touches the skin between my toes it triggers something that makes me feel instantly sick to my stomach. Apparently I’m not alone on this, a friend also has the same reaction and shuns the trend. And with my track record of stepping in dog poop, I’d like a little more between me and the brown offenders than a wafer of cheap sponge. 

Photo: CycleChic.com