Gilt. The Online Sample Sale Site for Luxe Lumberjacks, Axe Murders and Patrick Bateman
Edited by Saynt
Wondering where that sexy dude finance guy who’s currently chopping you up got his axe in a Gucci tuxedo? Look no further than Gilt.com.
That’s right. Gilt is now carrying Best Made Company Axe’s. Their justification for selling the worlds most luxurious axe to downtown business men below…
“Your lifestyle may not include many activities that require the use of an ax (apologies to the urban woodsmen out there), but once you see the gorgeously worked axes by Best Made Company, there’s a good chance you’ll be coveting one of their limited-edition designs. Our sale has stripey options in classic forest green, bright lemon yellow, and more—in addition to accessories that (naturally) include a leather back sling so you can tote your ax wherever you go.”
“Wherever you go”?!? Who the fuck goes to places where a tree needs cutting?
Who ever buys an axe at a discount is obviously looking to do some damage.
I’m hoping the FBI is currently tracking people on GILT like they’re tracking us on Facebook.
Fortunately, Gilt is also selling a Rape Whistle and a First Aid Kit in the same lot. Never know when you might need either.
Guess which one was sold out…


















