Ok. I don’t want to offend anyone, but look. Gladiator sandals. Why, ladies? I simply don’t understand. Do you want to look like an extra from Troy? Almost no one can pull off this shoe without looking like their bottom half comes from a different century. Ok, maybe this look can be totally rocked by a half-naked Italian model who spends her time being photographed by Guy Bourdain while draped languidly over obscenely expensive furniture, but this is not you. As much as you’d like to imagine yourself as a waifish, fashion-forward lady warrior, I’m sorry to say it, but you look awkward. Pairing gladiator sandals with denim shorts and a t-shirt from the Gap is a look that says “Hey, I totally read Vogue magazine, I get it, I’m trendy. I’m also an editorial assistant who makes under thirty thousand dollars a year and can only afford clothes from Marshalls—and unfortunately, as much as I’d like to strut around Newbury Street looking like I own half of Marc Jacobs’ inventory, I can only pull off looking like someone dissected Jason and the Argonauts and paired his bottom half with a freshman college student’s torso.” Is this really the message you want to give to passers-by?

Some trends are meant to be ignored. Maybe Mischa Barton can look good in it, but you’re not her. You’re a totally normal person. So dress like one. No Uggs (seriously, I don’t care it they’re warm and comfy. You can get warm shoes that don’t look like you stole them from an unconscious Australian backpacker. Also, especially don’t tuck your jeans into them. You will look like every teenaged girl I’ve ever seen. Be your own person.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on Crocs. The only people who are allowed to wear them are nurses. And nurses, since I’ve allowed you to wear Crocs, will you do me a favor and don’t put any of those cutesy little buttons on them?

Is it just me or does he look exactly the same as he did in Gladiator? Which kinda defeats the point of him being Robin Hood…

Nike has asked Nancy Wu to design a remix project for the brand. I have to say, the results disappoint me. Her illustrations and such are so adorable, but I can’t figure out how she came up with these. Gladiator sneakers… really? I don’t see how these serve a purpose, whether fashion or function wise. It looks like the pair of Goodwill sneakers I tried to make cutouts in a few years ago. FAIL.

Thanks Highsnobette!

On sale at Shopbop, are these part-gladiator-part-eco-friendly summer platform sandals. It’s the best of both worlds!

Tapeet Cutout Heel Gladiator Sandal FREE SHIPPING at shopbop.com. A racy vibe that’s made for strutting. Patent leather gladiator sandal with buckle closures at double ankle strap. 1/2 cork platform and 4″ cutout wedge heel. Leather sole. Made in Italy. This item cannot be gift-boxed. Sizing conversion: 36=6, 36.5=6.5, 37=7, 37.5=7.5, 38=8, 38.5=8.5, 39=9, 39.5=9.5, 40=10 – Papavero (Red)