- It’s her birthday and she’ll slap you if she wants to. Happy Birthday Naomi Campbell! The volatile super turns 42 today. Why not celebrate by hurling your phone at an insolent insubordinate?

- André Leon Talley once again tells it like it is. On Beyoncé being late to the Met Gala: ”Beyoncé was not slated to come. She decided to come last minute when the dress arrived at her house. She tried it on and then she said, ‘Okay, I have to come.’ She did arrive at 8:55 and the ball had already started, but it didn’t matter because she is Beyoncé.” [Racked]

- And on whether he’d dress Kim Kardashian: “No, I think that’s bastardizing yourself [as a designer].” [The Cut]

- Occasional nudist Bar Rafaeli tops Maxim‘s Hot 100 list and unsurprisingly she’s bereft of clothing. [Modelinia]

- Mark Zuckerberg’s new wife, Priscilla Chan, is proving more popular than Facebook’s stock with her wedding dress by Claire Pettibone being coveted by a number of jealous bitches brides-to-be. [Fashionista]

- Speaking of bridal wear, for the bride who openly doesn’t give a shit about how she looks: wedding UGGs! [Huff Po]

- Prada‘s new fashion film is practically dripping in Oscars…and probably some weird sexual kinks. Directed by Roman Polanski (guilty on both fronts), Sir Ben Kingsley plays psychiatrist to Helena Bonham Carter before shirking his shrink duties to drape himself in her Prada purple puffer jacket. [Refinery29]

With summer on the horizon, long weekend getaways are a must for leaving the city to decompress. Help dad travel in style with this modern, understated carryall, perfect for toting his max-out and relax essentials.

Not only does this lovely lilac pocket square have dapper dad appeal, he can use it to chicly dry his eyes when you make him proud.

Everyone loves a new fragrance, especially when it smells this grand. Treat dad to Hermes this year - it's the gift that keeps on giving.

After using this Korean herbal oil for few days, your dad will have no idea how his skincare routine was once complete without. Ginseng oil helps restore the skin for an age-defying effect while camellia oil's antioxidant properties create a clear, radiant complexion.

Every dad needs a little R&R, and giving that gift can be extra special this year. Refresh Body makes house calls, so he doesn't even have to change out of his robe to enjoy some stress relief.

- Anna Wintour, Sarah Jessica Parker, Uma Thurman and Yoko Ono are just some of the celebs to model Chanel‘s iconic jacket for the luxury brand’s recently launched e-exhibition site, thelittleblackjacket.chanel.com. [Fashionista]

- And speaking of which, Chanel hosted a little party to celebrate the launch of  The Little Black Jacket with none other than professional bad bitch Azealia Banks performing for a crowd of models and luminaries. Note Lindsey Wixson shutting it down/dropping it like it’s hot. [Styleite]

- Dolce & Gabbana, either bereft of a sense of humor or immune to a cheap pun, is suing a South African gift shop named Dolce & Banana. Seriously. [Racked]

- Tod’s founder Dorino Della Valle died today at the ripe old age of 87. [Fashionologie]

- Some movie critics found Jennifer Lawrence to be too well-fed to star in The Hunger Games. And Jennifer Lawrence found them to be complete assholes. [The Cut]

- While Suzy Menkes thinks Christopher Kane might go to Dior, Christopher Kane doesn’t think so. [Vogue UK]

- Ladies of a certain age Cindy Crawford and Sharon Stone give spring chickens a run for their sultry money on the cover(s) of French Revue de Modes. [Fashion Gone Rogue]

- Raf Simons might have been fired from Jil Sander but it was most likely for the best. [The Cut]

- The cast of Glee is now the 8th biggest selling digital artist of all time…still doesn’t take away from the fact the show’s an abyss where good taste goes to die, however. [THR]

- Sports Illustrated cover girl Kate Upton joins the likes of class acts Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian in sexily shilling for Carl’s Jr. [Modelinia]

- Karlie Kloss finally made her catwak debut this season. And it looks as if all our Kloss Konspiracy theories as to her absence were wrong. Dammit. [Huff Po]

- Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez apparently mistook Vanity Fair‘s photo booth for the room they shoulda gotten for this inappropriate heavy petting.  Paul Rudd and Jason Bateman, however, can take that lovin’ to the streets. [Buzzfeed]

- Joining Nicki Minaj in the pages of Vogue is fellow raptress-cum-fashionista Kanye West. Ye rips off his shirt and reassuringly cups Florence Welch‘s ass to pose with Givenchy’s Riccardo Tisci, thus squashing any rumors of a feud between West and Anna Wintour. Rumors that I unsuccessfully tried to start. [Fashionista]

- Antonio Darden, New Mexico governor Susana Martinez’s hairstylist, is refusing to do her hair until she changes her staunch opposition to gay marriage. Martinez has reportedly been looking like a hot mess ever since. [Styleite]

- Glee‘s Chris Colfer will make her big film debut in a movie she both wrote and is starring in. Go. Head. Girl. Friend. [Homorazzi]

- Supermodel Kathy Ireland makes Martha Stewart look like a poor slob. Ireland’s home goods business brings in $2 billion a year while Stewart can’t even crack 9 figures. How’s that for a good thing, Mar? [Stylelist]

- Neil Patrick Harris and house husband David Burtka need to get a room, but instead the happily married queens put their love on display for the February issue of Out magazine. [Out]

- Grammys Love Cool J. Rapper/actor/my baby daddy LL Cool J will host the 54th annual Grammys, the first time the “awards” show will have a proper host in some seven years. [Deadline]

- After 14 years of clandestine lovin’, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis are allegedly hitting the proverbial rocks. [People]

- PETA is taking issue with fox fur merkins. Because a fox and a pussy should never cohabitate. [Huff Po]

- A commissioner in Shreveport, LA is pushing to have pajamas banned in public. And I say bravo. Back in my day you didn’t step out of the house without a full face — and by “you” I clearly mean “I” and by “my day” I clearly mean “yesterday.” [Shreveport Times]

- Funny ladies/Cover Girls Ellen DeGeneres and Sofia Vergara apply a little lip-shtick on the former’s daytime show.

- Paris Hilton‘s smelling all the way to the bank. The heiress has been standing (and probably occasionally kneeling) on her own two  for some time now and she’s claimed that since 2005 her fragrances have brought in over $1 billion. If only I had gotten in on the sex tape market before that bubble burst. [Just Jared]

- Ladies in London stood up for their vaginal pride in a Muff March back in December. [VICE]

- Tumblr is getting into the editorial game, hiring a crack team of journalists to “help promote stories people write and share” on the popular blogging platform. Since its inception, 30 of Tubmlr’s blogs have landed book deals, meaning that we can look forward to the further disintegration of literature and a couple more  Fuck Yeah! tomes for good measure. [Gawker]

- Isaac Mizrahi is now a married woman! Mizrahi sat down with his sister from another mister Wendy Williams, revealing that he had recently married his boyfriend of six years. Turns out Wendy and Isaac share the same wedding date, though Mizrahi chose to elope to city hall in lieu of a big ceremony. However, Mizrahi’s not taking a one-year anniversary to-do off the table and naturally he would get Vera Wang to design his gown. [Styleite]

- In other same-sex couple news, the Will Smith-Jada Pinkett divorce rumor fire gets further stoked with the latest news that Jada has hired celebrity divorce lawyer Laura Wasser. [Huff Po]

- For the first time — but certainly not the last — in history, digital music sales surpassed physical sales. Lady Gaga is 2011′s most streamed artist; Nicki Minaj‘s “Superbass” the most-streamed song; and Adele‘s 21 and “Rolling in the Deep” the best-selling digital album and song, respectively. [CNN]

- Lauryn Hill‘s gorgeous 12-year-old daughter Selah Marley is a dead-ringer for her mommie dearest. [The YBF]

- Ryan Murphy cast leading ladies from his two hit shows, American Horror Story and Glee – including Lea Michele, Dianna Agron and future Emmy-winner Naya Rivera – in an editorial homage to his favorite horror movies for Elle. As usual, Amber Riley is conspicuously absent, but considering twas a horror-themed shoot, she was probably killed off in the first 5 minutes. [Elle]

-  French fashion chain La Redoute was apparently asleep at the wheel when it ok’d this image from its latest campaign featuring four adorable kids…and a naked man not-so discreetly (un)tucked into the background. Either that, or this is an ad for their newest To Catch a Predator children’s line. [Styleite via Stylist]

And on the side of reality:

Among the precocious pissants are designers Joseph Altuzarra, Alexander Wang, Chris Benz, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and Pamela Love; musicians Adele, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Rihanna and most of the Young Money roster — Lil Wayne, Drake and Nicki Minaj; actors Chloe Moretz, Jennifer Lawrence and Community‘s Donald Glover; and hiding out in the media category is Tavi Gevinson. And while Jaden Smith made the cut, his hair-whipping, fireball-throwing sister, Willow, is nowhere to be seen. Other notable exclusions include Glee‘s leading ladies Lea Michele and Chris Colfer, as well as tween fashionistas Elle Fanning and Hailee Steinfeld. Guess they weren’t being disruptive enough.

Click through the gallery for some of the kids making waves while I pass out in a pool of my own vomit. [Forbes]

Adele, 23

Joseph Altuzarra, 28

Chris Benz, 29

Justin Bieber, 17

Drake, 25

Lady Gaga, 25

Tavi Gevinson, 15

Donald Glover, 28

Wiz Khalifa, 24

Jennifer Lawrence, 21

Pamela Love, 29

Bruno Mars, 26

Nicki Minaj, 29

Chloe Moretz, 14

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, 25

Katy Perry, 27

Vladimir Restoin-Roitfeld, 27

Rihanna, 23

Jaden Smith,13

Esperanza Spalding, 27

Taylor Swift, 22

Alexander Wang, 28

Lil Wayne, 28

Florence Welch, 25

A tray for your gay keeps the Disorganization Fairy away. This handy little 9"x14" tray bears a heartwarming statement that the queen in your life can use to store any number of tchotchkes, kincknacks or bric-a-brac. Or more realistically, use to snort cocaine as he rings in the New Year.

The gays are often, and rather stereotypically, known for their sartorial sense. And stereotypes exist for a reason. Give your ladyman an excuse to doll up, and subtly suggest it's time to put away the titty tanks, with this menswear essential that all but screams "class."

A wise tranny once said a lady always needs an evening bag because she "is never sure at night." Treat your lady to a bit of shiny happy and make sure he has all the lip chap, concealer, condoms and lube he needs to get through the evening.

Mickey Mouse's perky step says it all: "Watch out, kids, mom's on a journey." With that big smile and what looks like a prelude to a jazz hand finish, Mickey will surely keep your gay on the queer and narrow.

Whether you're feeling cheap or just a little preachy, give your homo BFF the gift of knowledge with these 100 profiles in courage and/or fierceness. Maybe he'll find a little inspiration along the way, but you might want to bundle this with an American Apparel gift certificate because you know how "she" gets.

As big as the Globes’ crush is on Gosling, it can’t hold a candle to the raging boner the Hollywood Foreign Press has for George Clooney, who’s nominated for three awards — Best Director and Best Screenplay for The Ides of March and Best Actor for The Descendants. Why don’t you put it back in your pants, HFA?

And the other nominees are:

Best Motion Picture — Drama (or, films that no one has seen)

The Descendants

The Help

Hugo

The Ides of March

Moneyball

War Horse

Best Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical (or, wait, is My Week with Marilyn a comedy?)

50/50

The Artist

Bridesmaids

Midnight in Paris

My Week with Marilyn

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama

George Clooney, The Descendants

Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar

Michael Fassbender, Shame

Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March

Brad Pitt, Moneyball

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama

Glenn Close, Albert Noss

Viola Davis, The Help

Rooney Mara, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical

Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Brendan Gleesen, The Guard

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50

Ryan Gosling, Crazy, Stupid Love

Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical

Jodie Foster, Carnage

Charlize Theron, Young Adult

 Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids

 Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

Kate Winslet, Carnage

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn

Albert Brooks, Drive

Jonah Hill, Moneyball

Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method

Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Berenice Bejo, The Artist

Jessica Chastain, The Help

Janet Mcteer, Albert Nobbs

Octavia Spencer, The Help

Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

Best Screenplay — Motion Picture

Woody Allen - Midnight in Paris

George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon - The Ides of March

Michel Hazanavicius - The Artist

Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash - The Descendants

Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin - Moneyball

Best Director — Motion Picture

Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

George Clooney, The Ides of March

Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist

Alexander Payne, The Descendants

Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Television Series — Drama

American Horror Story

Boardwalk Empire

Boss

Game of Thrones

Homeland

Best Television Series — Comedy or Musical (or, what the fuck about Community?)

Enlightened

Episodes

Glee

Modern Family

New Girl

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series — Drama

Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Kelsey Grammer, Boss

Jeremy Irons, The Borgias

Damian Lewis, Homeland

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series — Drama

Claire Danes, Homeland

Mireille Enos, The Killing

Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife

Madeleine Stowe, Revenge

Callie Thorne, Necessary Roughness

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series — Comedy or Musical

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

David Duchovny, Californication

Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory

Thomas Jane, Hung

Matt Leblanc, Episodes

- An animated Lady Gaga will “play a little bit of a slut” (natch)when she kisses Marge Simpson — and inspires the town of Springfield, which is suffering from low self-esteem (natch) — during her guest starring stint on an episode of The Simpsons. [Page Six]

- 1500 losers with too much time on their hands people have signed an online petition to stop the “Starlet or Streetwalker” segment on E!‘s Fashion Police. Meanwhile, they’re completely missing the entire point of the segment: Hollywood starlets are skanks. Let’s stop the problem at its source, can we? [The Cut]

While Kurt Hummel is the class fashionisto in Commes des Garçons, Marc by Marc Jacobs, and so many more of our faves, Chris Colfer admits to not being able to pronounce half the designers’ names. In high school, he shopped at Target (jeez, not even Tar-ghey), though now he supposes, “Maybe if I dressed better I wouldn’t have had such a hard time in school.”

- Alleged scissor sisters Freja Behna Erichsen and Arizona Muse get in the habit for Mario Testino and Vogue UK. [Fashionologie]

- The New Directions kids will be singing a sartorial song come September. The stars of Glee are rumored to be participating in Fashion’s Night Out. [Page Six]

- Gucci‘s got a fancy shmancy iPad app. [WWD]

- Noted cuckquean, Lauryn Hill — I’m sorry, Ms. Lauryn Hill — still crazy, still fabulous. [Style.com]

- “I’m having an interview with The New York Times. Can you just leave me alone?” Whines A-List gay Reichen Lehmkuhl whose name I won’t even bother to boldface. [NYT]

Also nominated from the acclaimed mini-series are fellow Oscar-winner Melissa Leo, Evan Rachel Wood and Mare Winningham — all vying for Outstanding Supporting Actress — Guy Pearce for Supporting Actor and Todd Haynes was recognized for his direction as well as his script.

Deep in the trenches of Glee:

Kurt delights in a light trench and upturned toed shoes. Bow tie and shouldered brief in tow, he is easily the chicest kid in Ohio.

Rachel tries to go all Sex and the City on their big trip to New York, but she ends up looking more Cat and the Hat.

NEW YORK, NY - APRIL 29: Actress Lea Michele sighting on the set of the TV show "Glee" on location in Washington Square Park on April 29, 2011 in New York City. (Photo by Marcel Thomas/FilmMagic)

The sometime actress and aspiring singer poses in nothing but Louis Vuitton jewelry and a pair of fishnets — also known as my around the house look — for Vanity Fair‘s jewelry supplement.

I wouldn’t have minded a couture gown. [Daily Mail]

Gwyneth Paltrow as she appears in Louis Vuitton jewellery for Vanity Fair on Jewellery, a special issue that comes out with the August issue of Vanity Fair. Vanity Fair on Jewellery hits newsstands with the August issue of Vanity Fair on Friday, July 1st.

First there’s the Newsweek cover, which becomes all the more terrifying the more you look at it. At first glance I thought, “Oh, that’s nice…” then I noticed how badly Photoshopped it is and that Diana has apparently been digitally aged to represent her 50 years. And then some.

Even more disturbing is Diana’s expression which seems to say “This is a really bad idea but I had no say in it and I am completely embarrassed to be dug up and put in what looks like an off-the-rack number from Sears.”

But now the article. Brown interviewed some 250 people for The Diana Chronicles so she knows a thing or two about the Lady Spencer. At 50, Brown asserts, Diana would — like her mother, “a handsome woman to the very end” — still be “great-looking” albeit “there is no doubt she would have kept her chin taut with strategic Botox shots and her bare arms buff from the gym.”

She would be friends with Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, dress like Michelle Obama, be jealous of Queen Rania of Jordan and sleep around with a lot of really rich dudes. That Dodi al-Fayed character, Brown conjectures, would be tossed to the wayside for his “hopeless unreliability.”

As for  her son William‘s new bride, Kate Middleton, Diana “would have had to adjust to a broadening of the limelight.” Brown cites a particular moment when Diana’s handsome mother, Frances Shand Kydd, “suddenly burst out” before her daughter’s marriage: “I have good long legs, like my daughter!”

Brown, no doubt sensing an unrelenting bitchiness in tone, goes on to highlight the Princess’ charity work and reasons that “in the world disasters of the last few years—9/11, the tsunamis, the Pakistan earthquake, Hurricane Katrina…Diana would have been first at the scene in a hard hat with a camera crew (and, by now, 10 million followers on Twitter).”

Newsweek seems particularly obsessed with Diana’s social media presence having doctored up these two gems:

That’s right, there’s an entire fake Facebook page — a Fauxbook, if you will — revealing that Diana would love her some Ramona Singer and Sue Sylvester. She’d also put aside that whole Charles and Camilla business. Not only would Parker-Bowles fictionally be her FBook friend but Prince Charles, as Brown believes, would be “her best male friend in later years.”

Reaction to the article has been divisive to say the least. The word tacky has been bandied about and many of the article’s 130 (and counting) comments use “tasteless,”  “offensive,” “inappropriate,” “disgusting” and “poor taste”; and at least one commenter was prompted to cancel her subscription.

I guess that’s what you get for disgracing a beloved celebrity’s image with a poorly-conceived and shoddily-executed publicity gimmick disguised as a tribute. Who knew?

What do you think of Newsweek‘s portrait of Diana at 50? [Newsweek]

The Gay Jock, above all else, wants to assert his masculinity, often at the cost of taste, style, individuality, personality or wit. But at least all those hours at the gym will be on full display as their shirts come off at the merest hint of sunshine.

- A Boat Shoe. The Gay Jock has a puzzling affinity for flip-flops, perhaps because it reminds him of all that time spent (cruising) at the pool or beach, but a boat shoe provides better sailing and also spares society the sight of their manly, albeit totally pedicured, toes.

Paul Smith Hashberry Red Dip Dye Boat Shoes

- Frankie Morello Biker Shorts. Gay Jock can hang up those board shorts and wife beater for at least one day and instead opt for a dressier alternative as in Frankie Morello’s Spring 2012 men’s runway collection. Featuring blazers and vests paired carelessly with biker shorts, the shirt, as usual, will most likely be optional if not completely nonexistent.

Photo: The Fashionisto

- Dieux du Stade Calendar. Rugby players are the biggest badasses of all athletes. Not only do they not wear padding or helmets like those sissy NFL players, but they’re also not afraid of getting naked and fondling each other. Something the Gay Jock not only appreciates, but emulates whenever possible.

- ESPN Presents: Jock Jams Vol. 1. A masterwork in the field of mass-produced mixtapes, the first Jock Jams remains the best with such noted gay-fist-pumping classics as “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)”, both “Pump Up the Jam” and  “the Volume” as well as perennial man-love manifesto “Y.M.C.A.” There are enough hits from yester-queer to power your Gay Jock through his morning cardio and into his meth-laced partying all weekend.

- Devotion Protein-Infused Vodka. Between all those sports they’re allegedly playing and all that tail they’re inevitably chasing, the Gay Jock has to make the most of his time. So with Devotion’s protein-infused vodka, they can bulk up while getting fucked up — plus anything endorsed by the world’s foremost gay jock, The Situation, has got to be good.

Photo: The Fashionisto

You won’t find traditional workout equipment at Amplitude; there is nary a weight nor a bench on the 2nd floor of 261 East 78th St. What you will find are several Vibraflex vibration platforms…which, by the by are just as fun as they sound.

Have you ever seen those old-school machines with the belt that jiggles the fat off of you, or something to that end? Well, these vibration platforms are like that but a whole lot more effective and less likely to give you a seizure.

By creating thousands of muscle contractions in a matter of minutes, vibration training uses 90% of the muscle as opposed to traditional resistance training’s 40-50%. So with just 10-15 minutes, 3-times a week, you can see results in as little as 2 weeks.

I broke more of a sweat running (late per usual) to Amplitude last week than performing the actual exercises while there. Co-owner David Newman walked me through the basics and though it was only a few minutes — six at tops — it was a considerable workout.

Plus, among the many benefits of vibration training is improved bone density, which is great for me since I acquire most of my daily nutrition from Jack Daniels and Jose Cuervo thus ensuring my bones have the density of aged balsa wood.

Anyhoo, after the Vibraflex training, the real fun began.

I’ve always been fond of defying gravity, both as a showtune sung by the incomparable Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth (though I’ll take Lea Michele in a pinch) and also just a concept — I mean, who doesn’t want to know what it feels like to fly? Enter the Anti-Gravity Treadmill.

Though not necessarily flying, the Anti-Gravity Treadmill allows you to run as an astronaut would, reducing your weight by as much as 80%. And the best part is you don’t even need a space suit. Even better, you get to wear these cool Gareth Pugh-esque pants that zips you into the treadmill.

In ten minutes I burned what it would’ve taken me 15-20 minutes on the elliptical with the same if not less impact on my joints. All in all, exercising at Amplitude was fun, easy and effective, and what’s even better it’s an interesting experience. There’s nothing like running at 65% of your body weight in a pair of rubber pants while knowing you’re actually getting a real workout.

To try the vibratory wave of the future, you can go online or call 646.692.9317 to schedule an appointment at Amplitude Vibration Studio.

But oh, what’s this?

A free month’s pass that may have your name on it?! All you gotta do is Tweet and Facebook Share this post and you can win! Just imagine anti-gravity running and vibrating your way to a healthier you. You’ll never want to look at another elliptical or treadmill again.

- First season DVDs of Glee and How I Met Your Mother. Glee’s Rachel Berry is the perfect example of what can go wonderfully right and horribly wrong with the child of two gay dads, while fellow real-life gay dad Neil Patrick Harris became America’s Sweetheart again thanks to How I Met Your Mother, or as I like to refer to it, The Only Reasonably Watchable Show on CBS.

- Origins Anti-aging serum. If there’s one thing gay dad needs is the reassurance that though he may be getting old, he’s still looks better than the other moms on the PTA. Sure, without the stress of childbirth he’s already ahead of the game, but why not put off the Botox train’s imminent arrival with Origins Plantscription Anti-aging serum. It’s clinically proven to help fight and reverse advanced visible aging signs…the gift that keeps on (subtly) hinting.

- Patti Lupone: A Memoir. Every gay dad needs to be in touch with his inner diva; it’s like his animal spirit, the guiding light of the days of the one life he has to live. And Patti Lupone can get anyone in painfully close contact with their inner diva. Her autobiography is basically one artistic triumph followed by one hysteric diva meltdown followed by one near-career-ending fall – lather, rinse, repeat. Give dad the drama he craves this Mother’s Day, or he’ll happily provide his own.

- Duckie Brown classic plaid shorts. Nothing says Happy Mother’s Day like good ole men’s tailoring. Ladies, am I right? Okay, maybe that’s not necessarily true, but gay dads are not traditionally honored on Mother’s Day, so why not give them something equally non-traditional? Duckie Brown adds more than a fair share of sass and slouch to men’s clothing and though my first instinct draws me to these drop-crotch pants, for gay dad a pair of fun, fashionable shorts that can take him from the grill to the bath house and back again seems a tad more appropriate.

- Tickets to Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on Broadway. With reviews like this: “Every conceivable surface has been decked with sequins, spattered with colored lights, plastered in mirrored chips or trimmed in feathers and fringe,” how could anyone resist? A feel-good musical about the original mothers of the world — drag queens — in a series of outlandish costumes and a disco ball’s worth of dance-pop hits, a trip to Priscilla will give gay dad a Mother’s Day he won’t likely forget…particularly with the number of buff, nearly naked go-go boys traipsing about. You gotta give daddy what he wants.

Priscilla Queen of the Desert Cast List: Nick Adams Tony Sheldon Will Swenson C. David Johnson James Brown III Nathan Lee Graham Mike McGowan J. Elaine Marcos Jessica Phillips Steve Schepis Keala Settle Jacqueline Arnold Anastacia McCleskey Ashley Spencer Thom Allison Kyle Brown Bryan West Tad Wilson Joshua Buscher Susan Dunstan Gavin Lodge David Lopez Ellyn Marie Marsh Jeff Metzler Eric Sciotto Production Credits: Simon Phillips (Direction) Ross Coleman (Choreography) Brian Thomson (Set Design) Tim Chappel and Lizzy Gardiner (Costume Design) Nick Schlieper (Lighting Design) Jonathan Deans (Sound Design) Stephen "Spud" Murphy (Musical Supervision and Arrangements) Other Credits: Book by: Stephen Elliott & Allan Scott

Photo: Daily Beast

- Her Royal Highness Princess William of Wales (I can’t get enough of these titles) is apparently also wearing McQueen this evening. [Twit Pic]

- Though now an official royal, the Duchess formerly known as Kate Middleton is not above doing her own make-up. [People]

- Apparently there are other news stories happening besides the greatest wedding of the past 30 years, such as January Jones is now a pregnant, unwed, and no one knows who the father is. And this day was going so elegantly. [Popeater]

- And in other Kate news, Kate Winslet is the new face of St. John. [The Cut]

- Finally, and wonderfully before I pass out from this royally exhausting day, Broadway legend and diva with a capital D, Patti Lupone will bringing her magnificent chops to the season finale of Glee, thus placing it in a very special realm of gay heretofore restricted to Sex and the City theme parties and the Interior Illusions Lounge from RuPaul’s Drag Race. [Playbill]

*Speaking of whom, can we talk about this:

I’m ready for Amber Riley to take over the world. There I said it.

Link Love: Socialite Life

- Also on said list is Glee‘s Chris Colfer, who just sold a pilot to the Disney Channel and is also writing and starring in the indie film, Struck By Lightning, directed by the guy who did Saved! – it’s Kurt’s turn! [The Daily Beast]

- You can get even closer to the Met’s Costume Institute Gala thanks to Vogue‘s new iPad app, which has 5 years of behind the scenes footage, a preview of Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty and even a tribute to McQueen by the bobbed one herself, Anna Wintour. [Fashionologie]

- Supermodel icon and MILF extraordinaire, Cindy Crawford says she feels like an outsider now: I just saw the CoverGirl commercial with Taylor Swift and I thought, ‘Wow, it is so hard for models to get a job these days.” Well, I hope you’re happy now, Taylor Swift — you’ve alienated one of the greatest supermodels of all time. Thanks again, Swift. [Fashionologie]

- Crawford went on to say: “And I also think when I was modeling, size 6 was a normal size and now it’s like 2 or 0.” Well, according to a new study from the University of Bologna, Italy, allowing larger models onto the runway will promote obesity since skinny models provide an incentive for weight control. And that incentive is called cocaine. [Daily Mail]

- The Center for Disease Control estimates that by 2020 every state will have a ban on indoor smoking. I personally don’t smoke, unless I’m 5 Long Island Iced Teas into the night, but there’s just something comforting about a seedy, smokey bar — something that just says ‘Welcome home, homo.’ [Gawker]

Terry Richardson catches the popstar in her natural element: tranny heels, masks and bodysuits. Providing that element is stylist and Gay Friday, Nicola Formichetti, who keeps Her Royal Gagness resplendent in her staples — Mugler, Alexander McQueen, Versace and Dior — with a sprinkling of a custom Francesco Scognamiglio bodysuit here and a gothic Tex Saverio dress there.

Make no facial prosthetics bones about it, when it comes to putting on a show, there’s no one who can do it like Lady Gaga. Whether you care to see the show is a matter of personal opinion, but as long as she keeps making me dance, laugh and maybe even occasionally think, I’ve got my ticket.

Photos: Nicola Formichetti’s Blog!!

Photo: Refinery29

- Dov Charney has been accused of behavior even despicable by his loose, scumbaggy standards. What could that possibly be, you ask? How’s about subjecting a young girl to sex slavery for her 18th birthday (allegations AA denies). Happy Birthday — slip on this muzzle!…The Charlie Sheen Story. [Racked]

- “Artist” Richie Budd has encased a bunch of not completely unattractive frat boys behind Plexiglass in the exhibition, “Come on Guy” (one must assume) for the sake of art. And also for the sake of perverts who have been banned from every other peepshow in town. [Refinery 29]

- Kate Middleton to wear Alexander McQueen at wedding? Reportedly, the princess-bride-to-be consulted British Vogue‘s EIC, Alexandra Shulman over the momentous gown. All hail the McQueen! [The Cut]

- Matthew Morrison‘s album art was clearly dug up from a never released early-90s Richard Marxx project. Meanwhile, shelve this easy listening snoozefest and give me Amber Riley‘s record, ASAP. [Just Jared]

- Kanye West will not be attending Central Saint Martins after all, it seems. According to a CSM spokesperson: ”He isn’t coming to study the MA course but he did visit the college regarding a separate issue last week.” I hope that “separate issue” involves renaming the college Central Saint Kanyes. [Vogue.co.uk]

- Recession, resmession! Is there even a recession anymore/does anyone even care? Well Michael Kors certainly could give two shits. He’s opened his largest store in the world: a sprawling 7,000 square feet in Paris. [NYT]

- And at the Paris opening of his new store, Mary J. Blige “confirmed a year-old report that she will portray Nina Simone in an upcoming biopic” by covering a Simone classic. I’m officially starting my Oscar pool early this year. [NYT]

- Miss J. Alexander once famously said (on one of the 62 cycles of Top Model): “Fashion has no sympathy or empathy.” Well, if you’re John Galliano, that may not be absolutely true. [The Cut]

- Walking lab experiment James Franco has been tooling around with supermodel Agyness Deyn and has uploaded some of their kooky exploits on the Twitter. [Oh No They Didn't!]

The King’s Speech stuttered its way to 12 nominations, while True Grit lassoed in 10. The Fighter came out swinging and took 8 nods, though not one for its leading man, Mark Wahlberg. The Social Network friened 8  nominations as well, but the hype from Black Swan might have stepped on the film’s toes, garnering only 5 nominations — which, by the way, does not include one for Best Costume Design…the Mulleavy sisters are maniacally cackling in their atelier right now.

Black Swan‘s supporting actresses, Mila Kunis and Barbara Hershey were also shut out. Instead, Amy Adams (The Fighter), Golden Globe winner Melissa Leo (The Fighter), Helena Bonham Carter (The King’s Speech), Jacki Weaver (Animal Kingdom) and 14-year-old Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit) will compete for that honor.

In a surprising twist, Mark Ruffalo earned a (well-deserved) nomination for The Kids Are All Right, which was nominated for three other awards including Best Actress Annette Bening (her fourth nomination and thankfully Hilary Swank is nowhere to be seen), Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay.

Ruffalo will compete against Golden Globe winner Christian Bale (The Fighter), Geoffrey Rush (The King’s Speech), John Hawkes (Winter’s Bone) and Jeremy Renner (The Town).

Host James Franco might have to pull double duty should he win Best Actor (he won’t, Colin Firth‘s all but claimed it and already has his name engraved on the statue). Nominated for 127 Hours, Daniel Desario will face (and arm) off against Firth (The King’s Speech), Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network), last year’s winner Jeff Bridges (True Grit) and surprise nominee, Javier Bardem (Biutiful), who apparently usurped Ryan Gosling for Blue Valentine.

The Best Actress category, however, held no surprises. Along with Annette Bening, Natalie Portman (Black Swan), Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine), Nicole Kidman (Rabbit Hole) and Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone) will have me on the edge of my seat in anticipation.

I’m so excited! Besides Fashion Week, there’s no other time of the year I love more than Oscar season! It’s the Super Bowl for the gays…besides the new Glee episode directly after the Super Bowl.

Link Love: Oscars

I’m just saying, when you deliver a fresh-faced tween pop sensation into the grubby hands of one Mr. Terry Richardson, you expect a bit of trash, some inappropriate behavior, a heaping helping of sleaze and, if we’re lucky, a lawsuit.

Even Vanity Fair slutted it up  more than this.

But wait, just when you thought it was safe to bring LOVE into your household,among your children, they slap on this subtitle: “The Beautiful One.”

Those three words are profoundly unsettling. Not because they’re applied to a 16-year-old boy, but because that 16-year-old-boy reminds me of a Muppet more than a paragon of beauty.

I guess that shouldn’t come as a surprise, though. The Muppets are slowly taking over the fashion world.

Photo: Fashionista

The behind the scenes video features the stars of the campaign, Alyssa Miller, Elsa Hosk, Kate Upton and Silviu Tolu frolicking on the beaches of Malibu, California.   Mark Salling’s hit single “Illusions” from his debut album “Pipe Dreams,” provides the perfect back drop for the carefree and upbeat video.

Anne Hathaway has played many a lady in her time. Which look would fit Kurt’s gay aunt best?

Should she go choppy haired and troubled á la Rachel Getting Married?

Will she drop in as Kurts Fairy God Lesbian?

Is she going to be a cable knit sweater kinda lesbian, like her pre-Prada Andy Sachs?

Does Kurt’s aunt hail from cowboy country, like the beard she played for Brokeback?

Will Kurt be helping his Aunt find her way to an aesthetician and then become her personal stylist?

Or will she be an ab fab lipstick lesbian?

What do you think??

Credit: Global Grind

My best dressed choice was tied between three different beautiful ladies, but Anne Hathaway stands just a bit above the other two in Armani Privé. For a tall beauty with perfect curves like this, a structured shoulder is the best thing you can do for your body. She looks so graceful and statuesque in these beautiful rose sequins.

Credit: Global Grind

The back is to die for. It’s provocative, feminine and lovely. Anyone else, I would have said the hair should be worn up, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way Anne looks. She is a goddess. She gets an A+.

Credit: StyleBistro

Green was the color of the night, and no one wore it better than Angelina Jolie in Versace. Again, we’re seeing a beautiful padded shoulder that opens up the back and draws attention to her tiny waist. She looks glamorous without that “going to prom” nod that so many celebrities decided to do. I love the top to bottom sparkles and her elegant and unfussy hair. Grade A.

Credit: Huffington Post

January Jones is a Hollywood bombshell, period, end of sentence. Not only is she talented enough to be on one of the best TV shows of our time, she is the only actress who could pull of this sexy, fringed Versace gown. Everything from the color, to her hair and that beautiful cleavage, January is a fashion risk-taker, and I love her for it. A

Credit: Pop Eater

Pregnancy has never looked so rosy on the red carpet. Natalie Portman was glowing from the inside out in this pink and red Viktor & Rolf gown with an intricately detailed rose on the chest. She looks healthy, happy and she won best actress for Black Swan. What’s not to love here? A

Credit: Just Jared

In a Hollywood full of tramps and star fuckers, how beautiful it is to see a real lady stand by her man. Catherine Zeta Jones was absolutely glowing in this green Monique Lhuillier princess gown. It was so good to see her and Michael Douglas on the red carpet together. Beauty from the inside out: A.

Credit: Fab Sugar

If you have a flat chest, a 1920s style dress like this is prefect for your body. Jayma Mays got it right in this elegant and sexy Alberta Ferretti plunging v-neck gown. The accessories and curly locks perfectly complete the look. The lipstick looks a little orange, but it works against her hair and skin tones. A-

Credit: Twirlit

Now let’s talk about a big chest. Scarlet Johansson has a gorgeous, very voluptuous rack, and this dress enhances in a different way. Instead of spilling her cleavage all over the red carpet, Scarjo chose this demure and elegant Elie Saab gown in a lovely dusty pink. It sparkles just the right amount, and the sleeve is extremely flattering. Plus, she had the best hair on the red carpet. A-

Credit: Examiner

I commend Leighton Meester for trying to take fashion risks, but lately they’ve been backfiring hardcore. I was pleased to see her looking so elegant and sophisticated in Burberry Prorsum on the red carpet last night. Her makeup is absolutely gorgeous and those Jimmy Choo shoes are fab-o-rama. It’s not my favorite, but I do love the dress and her. B

Credit: Red Carpet Fashion Awards

I’m not used to putting Eva Longoria in the best dressed category for her red carpet looks, but she looked ravishing last night in a fitted, black Zac Posen gown. It fits her like a glove and her whoa cleavage is saying hello to every single man in that crowd. Slightly bored, but I think that’s a good thing in her case. B

Credit: Socialite Life

Here is the thing about Lea Michele‘s Oscar de la Renta gown: It does not photograph well. When watching her on the red carpet, she looked young, fresh and vibrant in this light salmon dress. It looks too consuming in photographs. But the color on her is amazing. I am so sick of this whispy, bull-shitty kind of up-do, so no points there. But the shoes, HELLO! B-

What are your thoughts on the best-dressed celebs at the 2011 Golden Globes?

arrives at the 68th Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton hotel on January 16, 2011 in Beverly Hills, California.

Credit: Global Grind

arrives at the 68th Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton hotel on January 16, 2011 in Beverly Hills, California.

Credit: StyleBistro

Credit: Huffington Post

Credit: Pop Eater

arrives at the 68th Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton hotel on January 16, 2011 in Beverly Hills, California.

Credit: Just jared

Credit: Fab Sugar

arrives at the 68th Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton hotel on January 16, 2011 in Beverly Hills, California.

Credit: Twirlit

arrives at the 68th Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton hotel on January 16, 2011 in Beverly Hills, California.

Credit: Examiner

arrives at the 68th Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton hotel on January 16, 2011 in Beverly Hills, California.

Credit: Red Carpet Fashion Awards

Credit: Socialite Life

1. Ricky Gervais will never be asked to host anything ever again, short of a Bar Mitzvah on Long and/or Staten Island. Gervais’ brilliant and acerbic monologue had me in stitches, but you don’t make fun of Angelina Jolie, Scientology and Cher and expect to get away with it. What made Gervais opening monologue and openly drunken interludes so great was the fact that he was spot-on. But as Hollywood has proven time and time again, it takes itself far too seriously.

2. Michelle Williams might actually stand a chance at the Oscars. Front-runners Natalie Portman and Annette Bening both took home Best Actress (Drama and Comedy, respectively), however, the Oscars don’t separate performances by genre. Portman and Bening have been splitting the awards down the middle this awards season, leaving me to wonder if Michelle Williams might just slip in should they divide the Academy’s vote. Or, even better, what if there was a tie à la Kate Hepburn and Babs Streisand in 1969?

3. Peg Bundy is amazing. There’s nothing I love more than seeing an actor or actress finally get her due. Katey Segal is perhaps best known for her role as Peg Bundy on classic 90s sitcom, Married…with Children, in addition to 8 Simple Rules and as the voice of Leela on Futurama. In short, she’s been working her ass off for years with little to no recognition. So when she won Best Actress in a Drama for Sons of Anarchy, I couldn’t help but feel not only happy but proud of that leopard-print spandex-wearing, big-haired, chain-smoking angel from on high. See also, Melissa Leo winning for The Fighter.

4. Glee is the best thing to happen to the gays since the birth of Liza. Best Supporting Actresses, Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch delivered two of the best acceptance speeches of the night; the former a heartwarming and inspiring message to gay teens and the latter a comedic tour de force ending with Lynch thanking her wife and kids. When Glee finally won Best Comedy, you could just hear all the little gays around the country squeal in pitch-perfect delight.

5. Robert DeNiro can continue making Meet the Fockers movies til he dies. Watching the montage of Bobby DeNiro’s films over the past 40 years (which for some reason included The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle), I was reminded how prolific and amazing an actor he is. His legacy will remain in tact with such films as Mean Streets, The Godfather – Part II, Taxi Driver, The Deer Hunter, Raging Bull, The Last King of Comedy, Goodfellas, Cape Fear and Casino. Hopefully time or excessive drinking will erase the past 15 years or so from our collective conscience.

Below, the full list of winners:

Film

Best Picture – Drama: The Social Network

Best Picture – Musical or Comedy: The Kids Are All Right

Best Actress – Drama: Natalie Portman, Black Swan

Best Actor – Drama: Colin Firth, The King’s Speech

Best Actress – Comedy or Musical: Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right

Best Actor – Comedy or Musical: Paul Giamatti, Barney’s Version

Best Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo, The Fighter

Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale, The Fighter

Best Animated Film: Toy Story 3

Best Foreign Language Film: In a Better World

Best Director: David Fincher, The Social Network

Best Screenplay: Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network

Best Original Score: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, The Social Network

Best Original Song: Diane Warren, “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me”, Burlesque

Cecil B. DeMille Award: Robert DeNiro

TV

Best Series, Drama: Boardwalk Empire

Best Series, Comedy or Musical: Glee

Best Actress – Drama: Katey Segal, Sons of Anarchy

Best Actor – Drama: Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire

Best Actress – Comedy or Musical: Laura Linney, The Big C

Best Actor – Comedy or Musical: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Best Mini-Series or Made for TV Movie: Carlos

Best Actress, Mini-Series/Made for TV Movie: Claire Danes, Temple Grandin

Best Actor, Mini-Series/Made for TV Movie: Al Pacino, You Don’t Know Jack

Best Supporting Actress: Jane Lynch, Glee

Best Supporting Actor: Chris Colfer, Glee

Link Love: Golden Globes

First order of business, Jennifer Love-Hewitt is nominated for Best Actress – Miniseries or Made-for-TV Movie for The Client List. If you haven’t seen it, J. Love plays a suburban housewife who gets pulled into the seedy uderbelly of high-class whorin’, gets addicted to coke and loses her kids and husband, all while Cybil Shepard drunkenly yells at her. Dame Judi Dench ain’t got shit on that.

What really grinds my gears re: the Globes is their insistence on lumping the supporting actors into one category, so that Drama, Comedy and Mini-Series/TV Movies all compete against one another. Why not send the same message and just eliminate the supporting categories all together?

Despite the stiff competition, Glee‘s Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch (2nd year in a row) scored nominations. Lea Michele and Matthew Morrison also repeat their nominations from last year’s Globes, for Best Actress and Actor, respectively. The kids in New Directions will defend their Best Comedy crown against Modern Family, 30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory, The Big C and Nurse Jackie.

The rest of the nominees in the comedy categories are kind of a snooze, with just a repeat of what already took place at the Emmys months ago. Will Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie) and Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory) reprise their wins? Have I ever seen either of their shows. Do I even care at this point?

Here’s a hint, the answer to at least two of those questions is “Hell to the no.”

Far more interesting, much like the movie nominations, are the drama contenders. The Best Actor – Drama category is perhaps the most competitive this year, with Jon Hamm (Mad Men), Michael C. Hall (Dexter), Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad) and newcomer Steve Buscemi (Boardwalk Empire) vying for top honors. By this point, Hugh Laurie is the Meryl Streep of this category and would get nominated for taking a dump on his cane then curing cancer with it.

Elisabeth Moss earns a well-deserved nomination for Best Actress for Mad Men (no Supporting purgatory for her), and will face off against Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife), Piper Perabo (Covert Affairs), Katey Segal (Sons of Anarchy; meanwhile, I had no idea Peg Bundy was back on TV and I would like to put forth my vote for a Sons of Anarchy/Modern Family crossover episode) and Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer).

As for the Best Drama Globe, MVP Mad Men comes in with three previous wins but faces competition from fellow cable fare, Boardwalk Empire, Breaking Bad and Dexter, with The Good Wife as the only broadcast series represented.

We’ll find out who will win, lose or drink til they work up enough courage to talk to George Clooney on Sunday, January 16th, 2011.

And finally, the full list of nominees:

Best TV Series – Drama
Boardwalk Empire
Dexter
The Good Wife
Mad Men
The Walking Dead

Best TV Series – Musical or Comedy
30 Rock
The Big Bang Theory
The Big C
Glee
Modern Family
Nurse Jackie

Best Miniseries or Made-for-TV Movie
Carlos
The Pacific
The Pillars of the Earth
Temple Grandin
You Don’t Know Jack

Best Actor – Drama
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House M.D.

Best Actress – Drama
Elizabeth Moss, Mad Men
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Piper Perabo, Covert Affairs
Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

Best Actor – Musical or Comedy
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matthew Morrison, Glee
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Thoery

Best Actress – Musical or Comedy
Toni Collette, United States of Tara
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Laura Linney, The Big C
Lea Michele, Glee

Best Actor – Miniseries or Made-for-TV Movie
Idris Elba, Luther
Ian McShane, Pillars of the Earth
Al Pacino, You Don’t Know Jack
Dennis Quaid, The Special Relationship
Edgar Ramirez, Carlos

Best Actress – Miniseries or Made-for-TV Movie
Hayley Atwell, Pillars of the Earth
Claire Danes, Temple Grandin
Judi Dench, Return to Cranford
Romola Garai, Emma
Jennifer Love Hewitt, The Client List

Best Supporting Actor in TV Series, Mini-Series, or Made-for-TV Movie
Scott Caan, Hawaii Five-0
Chris Colfer, Glee
Chris Noth, The Good Wife
David Strathairn, Temple Grandin
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

Best Supporting Actress in TV Series, Mini-Series, or Made-for-TV Movie
Hope Davis, The Special Relationship
Jane Lynch, Glee
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Julia Stiles, Dexter
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

LINK LOVE: Gawker

LINK LOVE: Oh No They Didn’t!

Dianna Agron posted this sick, sad sack of stuffing on her blog with this message:

“Note to self…should have gotten a flu shot. In bed, hoping that medicine, soup, my computer and a marathon of movies will be the cure.”

Meanwhile, I had no idea Quinn Fibray had a blog.

LINK LOVE: LA Times

Photos: Homotography

Though only out for a week or so, Burlesque may be yet another bomb in what has been a rather difficult year for Christina Aguilera. But at least you can’t blame the girl for trying.

Xtina was actually surprisingly good, but when you go in with low expectations, it’s not terribly hard to be impressed. However, she has a natural screen presence and did her best with a really awful and cliched script. And she sounded amazing.

Cher.

Cher.

Cher.

I screamed as soon as I saw her on screen, I admit it. The icon, legend and alleged biological woman is an old pro. She’s got some serious acting chops and the best parts of the movie were between her and Stanley Tucci. The two of them bantered like a seasoned comedic duo.  And the fact that Cher can emote without ever once moving her face was a triumph in itself.

Burlesque was fine brainless  entertainment, but the main problem was in the writing and direction, both helmed by Steve Antin. What should have been a high camp, showstopping extravaganza was merely a decent 2-hour Glee episode.

In fact, it begs to wonder what would have happened if Ryan Murphy had brought his whimsical touch to Burlesque rather than the “eh, all right” Eat Pray Love. Murphy understands camp. And so does Stanley Tucci, who plays it so gay a sequined Givenchy clutch purse falls out of his mouth every time he opens it. Which is just what the movie needed.

Though fun and featuring some good musical numbers, Burlesque is a bit of a waste of great talent. Alan Cumming was basically scenery. Julianne Hough barely got one dance number. And there was no duet between Cher and Christina. Not even a little improvisational harmonizing. That in itself  is enough to get Steve Antin a drive-by bitch-slapping.

With sectionals breathing down their necks and Kurt off to the Warblers at Dalton Academy due to the bully Karovsky, the New Directions glee show choir have once again lost their direction.

Mr. Schue consults his doe-eyed ex, Emma Pillsbury who tells him that he’s been focusing too much on certain members of the cast…club. In response, Rachel and Finn are stripped of their ballad in favor of Sam and Quinn, whom Rachel quite accurately describe as Ken and Barbie.

Emma Pillsbury, meanwhile, is getting huge points as my favorite dressed character on TV:

Could you die over this coat? And in a horizontal stripe? Not easy to pull off. Tip of the cap, Ms. Pillsbury.

Over at Dalton, Kurt is having trouble fitting in. His natural penchant for showboating is curbed by the Warblers.  Blaine, Kurt’s still adorable and still potential love interest, insists that Kurt should think of what’s good for the team as opposed trying to steal the spotlight. But we’ll get to that hypocrite in a minute.

Santana, who’s showcasing Alexis Carrington levels of bitchiness this season, finally reveals to Rachel that she and Finn totes did it last season, a fact that everyone but Rachel seemed to know. She leaves out the fact that they did it while performing Madonna’s “Like a Virgin,” but details get muddled in the sexual haze, I guess. Hurt and betrayed, Rachel breaks up with Finn.

Rachel, finding herself alone and without a solo to turn to for sectionals, coaches her new BFF Kurt on his audition for a solo with the Warblers. The two duet on a damned good rendition of “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.” Of course those two queens would pick that song, but it was a little too over the top for the Warblers, and Kurt is resigned to the background.

Brittany and Artie, by the bye, are my new favorite couple. So much cuter than Sam and Quinn. Call me prejudiced against Aryan lookalike couples, or sympathetic towards mentally handicapped cheerleaders, but I loved the moments between them. In the spirit of the talent that is literally bursting out of glee, Brittany and Mike Chang get a chance to showcase their hoofing.

And. It. Was. Amazing.

Sectionals was a grab bag of decent performances, with geriatric glee club, the Hipsters, performing “The Living Years.” That was worth it simply for this:

Go head, grandma!

Frankly, I thought the Hipsters were robbed of 2nd place. That distinction went to the Warblers, who sang “Hey, Soul Sister,” which I hoped would turn into a mash-up with “Lady Marmalade.” Sadly, it was just a lot of hopping around and face scrunching on behalf of Blaine, who could use a lesson in two on the evils of showboating. Seriously calm it down, kiddo, this ain’t vaudeville.

Despite the mediocrity of their number, Schue looked PISSED:

Though that may have just been his reaction to Kurt’s dance moves. For a gay, girl sure dances like a heterosexual jock after his fourth PBR.

The New Directions performed a mash-up of “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” (where was Brittany flying into Mike Chang’s outstretched arms, thank you?) and “Valerie,” with Santana on lead. Mike and Brittany did some crazy acrobatic shit that should have easily won them the top prize. But, alas, Kurt is still a virgin so we’re keeping Blaine and the Warblers around until Regionals — the two teams tied for first place.

There seems to be some subplot involving Puck and the fridge-like Lauren Zises who saves him from a Port-a-Potty (after he’s sequestered in there by the football jocks) and subsequently “rocks his world” during 7 Minutes in Heaven. Lauren replaces Kurt on the team but doesn’t seem to have any interest in the show choir, so we’ll see where that goes. Here’s hoping she has some big ass diva voice that blows everyone away.

Like last season’s “Sectionals,” this episode ended on a peppy group number. Mercedes and Tina lead the group on the always welcome “Dog Days Are Over,” by Florence and the Machine. However, things aren’t as peachy keen as they seem.

While Schue was away, Emma and her dentist boyfriend, Carl eloped. She’s a married lady and Schue’s a bitter divorcee. And if that weren’t enough, shortly after Rachel and Finn reconcile, Rachel reveals that she tried to cheat on him with Puck. Finn blows up and now Finn and Rachel are donesville. Which sadly means we’ll have no more of this:

Though that might be a good thing.

Well, I guess I’ll pull a Quinn Fibray and just have Idina Menzel adopt it.

Though this sadly won’t be a tribute episode to the Gloved One and we’ll have to sit through covers of the Black Eyed Peas, Katy Perry and Lady Antebellum. I nearly fell asleep at the keyboard after writing that.

This episode will be Glee’s most expensive ever and probably one of the most expensive in television history. The storyline will focus on the local football championship and the Cheerios cheerleading regionals. I hope this means Sue Sylvester‘s doing Vincent Price’s rap then:

The foulest stench is in the air/ The funk of forty thousand years/ Or could I be mistaken/ Will Schuester’s hair?

And if that isn’t enough news to bejewel your cape,  there’s a tribute episode to Dame  Elton John in the works. Give me a little “Benny and the Jets” mixed with a little “Circle of Life” and I’ll be happy.

LINK LOVE: Entertainment Weekly

The Monkey flu, from Borneo where, according to Sue, it had been “festering in a small clutch of loud bisexual primates, not unlike [Schue's] very glee club,” has taken Principal Figgins out of commission, leaving Sue interim principal.

Once Mr. Schue too falls victim to the flu, he has to call in sick, leaving the glee club unattended. Enter Holly Holliday (Paltrow), a quirky substitute teacher Kurt fondly remembers singing (one of my all-time favorite songs) Schoolhouse Rock’s “Conjunction Junction,” while subbing for an English class.

She eagerly takes on the task but the club is initially wary of her presence. However she shows a willingness to incorporate more current songs in their repertoire, as opposed to wanting to only do Journey songs as the student’s descriptions of Mr. Schue’s musical tastes suggests, by performing a sassy rendition of Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You,” cleaned up to a primetime friendly “Forget You.”

Will’s much-hated wife, Terri, returns to take care of him while he suffers from the flu. She brings him his favorite movie, Singing’ in the Rain which prompts a fever-induced fantasy of he and Mike Chang performing the acrobatic classic “Make ‘Em Laugh.” Lulled into a false sense of security, and feeling lonely after things fell through with Emma Pillsbury, they have sick sex –  just below hate sex, break-up sex and revenge sex on the ‘Acceptable Sex with an Ex’ totem pole –  which Will immediately regrets.

Sue, mad with power, tries to disband the football team, but is thwarted once Coach Beiste presents a plausible argument that Sue’s Cheerios would then have no one to cheer for. So in order to gain some respect, and to strike fear into the hearts of any one who would dare oppose her, Sue adopts another cause: teen obesity, banning tater tots from the school cafeteria. This decision really taters Mercedes tots, leading her to pull a Norma Rae on a cafeteria table.

But are the tots the real reason behind her anger? Kurt and his platonic gay friend Blaine have been seeing a lot more of each other, leaving a void in her life for Kurt’s affections.  After joining Kurt and Blaine on a date, she feels even more isolated when they fag out over Prop 8, Patti Lupone’s new book (which I have yet to read), the year’s best Vogue cover (Marion Cotillard?…a pretty shallow bag to choose from, but what are they teaching in that fictional school?; try Giselse, kids).

Mercedes at one point imagines a tiny purse literally falling out of Kurt’s mouth. Thus Mercedes must learn to face what every hag dreads – being pushed to the wayside once their fag finds someone else to obsess over. Meanwhile, Kurt is still being harassed by Karovsky who threatens to kill Kurt should he tell anyone about their kiss. Ah, teenage romance.

Holly has won over everyone in New Directions, everyone except Rachel Berry, who does not care for her teaching methods. But Holly indulges her desire to do “an upbeat, glamorous number with a good dance beat,” with a game duet of “Nowadays/Hot Honey Rag” from Chicago. Sue becomes the permanent principal at William McKinley High and her first order of duty is to fire Will, citing the substitute’s success with the glee kids.

The tides soon change for Holliday, though, when her reckless attitude lands her in hot trouble after she fails to punish Mercedes for stuffing Sue’s tailpipe of her Le Car, a car so rare that only seven have been made, full of tots (girl does have a history of vandalizing cars). Holly has no idea how to react when things turn serious and so turns to Will for guidance. Just then Terri finds them and has a blow up, only to have Will tell her to never come back again.I’ve yet to encounter anyone who likes the character of Will’s ex-wife and it seems the writers are really trying to get rid of her for good. I don’t dislike her, she’s just a one note character – an unabashed bitch who lacks Sue’s wit or cartoonish villainy.

Kurt eventually confronts Mercedes, flaunting his budding romance in her face and telling her she needs to find a boyfriend and stop filling the void for love with food. Kurt had, to his credit, tried to set her up earlier with hunky football player Anthony (“one of the five black guys in school”). This is the second storyline involving Mercedes and food, and unlike last season’s empowering “Home,” which actually had something to say about eating disorders and body image, this week’s plot felt more like an insult to the talented Amber Riley. Big girl fears losing gay friend, eats her emotions, rebels in a ridiculous way.

You’re better than that, Glee. Constantly resigned to the background and occasionally given a solo, Mercedes is a character we still no little to nothing about. Hopefully, this Anthony will give her a role beyond sassy sidekick. And speaking of big girls, what was up with the Precious (Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire)-esque character that attacks Holliday in her flashback?

Anygay, Holliday resigns as director of New Directions, but not before she, the kids and Schue can perform a limp mash-up of “Umbrella/Singin’ in the Rain.” Perhaps a good idea on paper, the number lacked the spark and energy of previous group numbers and mash-ups (see last week’s: “Start Me Up/Livin’ on a Prayer” and “Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind.”

Now I’d never thought I’d say this, at least not without a gun to my head, by Gwyneth Paltrow was definitely a highlight of last night’s episode. She showed off her comedic chops (dressing up as Mary Todd Lincoln for a history lesson she exclaims, “My husband is probably gay” and “That teapot is spreading lies about me!”), she has a nice voice and can shimmy for a white girl. But her role seemed more an act of stunt casting than anything intricate to the myriad plotlines that continually seem to fall to the wayside as the season progresses.

At least we’ve seen the end of the Terri Schuester, for now, though I feel bad for poor Jessalyn Gilsig who does the best she can with a character that’s really plain awful.

Next week, get ready kids. Comedic legend Carol Burnett will guest star as Sue’s mom, which means the world will explode from hilarity.

GUESS and Mark Salling, singer, songwriter and actor, have entered into a multi-tiered partnership to coincide with the launch of Mark’s much-anticipated solo album, “Pipe Dreams,” in partnership with Universal Music Group and Fontana Distribution

If you missed out on it GUESS will also host additional in-store CD signings in various markets as well as promote the album in select US and Canada stores with download cards as a gift with purchase of $125 or more.

You can get Mark’s look at www.guess.com today:

GUESS Hooded Bomber Jacket

GUESS Fuel Check Shirt

GUESS Lincoln Slim Straight Jeans

LINK LOVE: Entertainment Weekly

The Emery Awards, held annually, honor those individuals and corporations who exemplify Hetrick-Martin’s mission of providing a safe and supportive environment for all young people – regardless of their sexual orientation or identity as well as those who have demonstrated outstanding leadership within our community.

This years honorees were Marc Ecko,  Ryan Murphy (Creator of Glee) & Arianna Huffington. The event was hosted by my personal favorite lady Wendy Williams and the auction was hosted by my favorite housewife Bethenny Frankel.

Congrats Marc, Ryan & Arianna! Thanks for making the world a better place to live and work in!

Puck is back and so is his mohawk. That’s the good news. The bad news is that Schue is making the New Directions kids compete in their second annual boys v. girls sing-off. Usually, I’m on the girls’s side, but the boys managed to pull it through in the end. Now let’s explore how that happened.

Puck is out of juvie on the condition that he perform community service, so he “hangs with some crips,” taking on Artie as his community service. He decides to make Artie cool and get him a date with Brittany, for whom Artie still pines. Ain’t that the way it goes? You take a boy’s virginity while trying to make your sapphic bff jealous and then they want to get all clingy.

Cue the first musical number, an uninspired take on Bob Marley’s “One Love/People Get Ready”, which Puck uses to filch money from the student body; money purportedly to be used on a double date with Artie, Brittany and Santana. After their date, where Artie refuses to dine and dash (how well he could have dashed in a wheelchair remains a mystery) he and Puck reach a new level of understanding.

Puck’s time in the clink was not the breeze he claimed it to be. Rather, he hated juvie because he was bullied there every day. So Artie decides to make Puck his community service and tutor him in algebra as Puck performs his real civic duty: picking up trash on the side of the road.

Meanwhile, Kurt unwillingly joins the boys team, but is happy when Schue introduces the stipulation that the boys and girls have to sing songs traditionally sung by female performers. Kurt soon finds his input unwanted and wanders off to all boys prep school, Dalton Academy to spy on their competition for Sectionals, The Warblers.  There he meets the adorable and dreamy Blaine (Darren Criss), another openly gay gal who is the leader of The Warblers. Kurt immediately falls for the crooner, as he and his allegedly heterosexual brethren chime out an a cappella rendition of “Teenage Dream.”

Darren Criss plays Blaine, another glee queen

Kurt is inspired by Blaine’s openness and decides to stand up to Karofsky, the meathead football player who’s been tormenting him since season/day one. Kurt angrily confronts Karofsky but receives an unexpected reaction when Karofsky kisses him. Yes, Karofsky is one of those Larry Craig-esque self-hating gays who lashes out against other queers out of his own rage. Much like my idol Karen Walker said, he should save that anger for the bedroom where it belongs.

Coach Beiste (the wonderful Dot Marie Jones) becomes an unlikely victim of bullying herself when Sam begins using her as a sexual deterrent against Quinn’s cockteasing wiles. The trend spreads and the boys in glee (and Tina against the prudish Mike Chang) start imagining Beiste in various compromising positions to cool their sexual embers. When Schue finds out, he does what he thinks is the right thing and tells the coach, who in turn quits.

Sue Sylvester is elated at the developments and rejoices in a storm of confetti, cackling her evil head off. Schue later consoles the wounded Beiste, who’s really a big softie under that large, mannish façade. When she reveals that, like Drew Barrymore, she too has never been kissed, Will kindly obliges and invites her to the auditorium. The boys perform a fierce mash-up of “Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind,” a la the Four Tops, and all is forgiven.

Diana Ross and En Vogue make everything better.

In the middle of all this bullying, the writers forgot the girls were supposed to perform sot they tacked on a mash-up of “Start Me Up/Livin’ on a Prayer,” that, despite seeming like an afterthought, was predictably amazing.

Rockin' out with their cockin' out

This episode was certainly skimpy on the musical numbers, a total of four, which often leaves the viewer wondering when the singing and dancing will start up again. This faces the other extreme presented by last week’s episode, “The Rocky Horror Glee Show,” which had too many musical numbers and not enough plot. But in order to advance things and keep everyone entertained, it behooves the show to tilt from one extreme to another.

The surprise gay kiss between Kurt and the bully was a great choice, giving another, nuanced angle to Kurt’s continuing gay self-discovery storyline. Let’s just hope he and Blaine get it on at some point. For now, Blaine is more of a mentor to Kurt, inspiring him to stand up to Karofsky and even helping to confront the bully about his own sexuality. But this could all just be a set-up for the inevitable virginity-busting threesome that is part of every young gay’s coming of age.

Next week’s episode guest stars alleged Oscar-winner, Gwyneth Paltrow, but I hope they continue with the Drew Barrymore-themed titles for episodes.

Like “The Wedding Singer,” in which Rachel and Finn decide to quit school and elope only to find that their lives will mirror the sorry fate of  the singer at their tacky Vegas wedding, who, it turns out, is Sue Sylvester’s black sheep of a sister, played by Jennifer Coolidge.

Or “He’s Just Not That Into You,” when Sue develops a crush on Schue and goes all Fatal Attraction on him when her feelings aren’t reciprocated, boling his hair gel in a crock pot.

Or “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” where Kurt, Mercedes and Santana form a singing/dancing crime fighting trio with Sue as Charlie.

Ryan Murphy, there’s your third season. You’re welcome.

GLEE: L-R: Artie (Kevin McHale), Sam (Chord Overstreet), Kurt (Chris Colfer), Finn (Cory Monteith), Mike (Harry Shum Jr.) and Puck (Mark Salling) perform for Coach Beiste (R) in the "Never Been Kissed" episode of GLEE airing Tuesday, Nov. 9 (8:00-9:01 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2010 Fox Broadcasting Co. CR: Adam Rose/FOX

Darren Criss plays Blaine, another glee queen

Darren Criss plays Blaine, another glee queen

Gleeks geeks around the country are anxiously awaiting appearance of the next celebrity to jump on the Glee bandwagon, and even we have to begrudgingly admit we are mildly interested in hearing the episode’s mash-up of “Umbrella” and “Singing in the Rain. “

While dining in Qatar, Moss was persuaded to belt out the tune with jazz legend, Dr. Gabs.

Hmm, do I smell a guest-starring role on Glee in the near future? How awesome would Kate Moss be as Quinn’s drugged up British aunt who comes to town, fucks shit up, bangs Sue Sylvester then does a runway show while the New Directions kids sing a stripped down version of “Supermodel (You Better Work)?”

Ryan Murphy, get to work.

LINK LOVE: The Sun

While sucking face, Sue Sylvester could be heard in the audience loudly booing and threatening to dial up Child Protective Services.

LINK LOVE: Oh No They Didn’t!