Babies Violate The Law

Edited by Marissa Moshell, Student

Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby Apple

Demi Moore and Bruce Willis’ daughter Rumer

David and Victoria Beckham’s baby Brooklyn

If you thought we were over the weird baby name thing, you’re in for a sweet surprise. A New Zealand family court has ordered a 9-year-old girl to undergo a name change. Painful process..I know. The little girl named Talula Does The Hula felt close to her roots from native Hawaii until the court  had to interferre. “It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap,” says the concerned court. Thankfully someone got the idea!

baby Honor

Along with the order of the name change several names were band from the faces of innocence including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit. Sadly, the number 16, Bus Shelter and Violence are still permitted. Well, at least it’s a start.

Jason Lee’s kid Pilot Inspektor

Let’s get real, this is becoming ridiculous! With names like Pilot Inspektor and Camera, kids in the next generation are sure to be jumping off cliffs for the ultimate plunge. Someone needs to start thinking about these kids. Or at least keep them under watch. I certainly don’t know what it’s like to walk around as a fruit and I would never wish that upon anyone. When a kid grows up and asks why he’s named Brooklyn and the answer is because that’s where he was conceived, it’s a suicide waiting to happen. Come on everyone, let’s try and keep the parents away from the cocktails.

For your entertainment, here are some more awesome names: Sailor Lee, Fifi Trixibelle, Free, Audio Science, Moon Unit, Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, Sunday and Spec Wildhorse

Babies for Bills

Edited by Marissa Moshell, Student

In today’s world, once someone is tagged a celebrity it becomes a custom for them to think it’s okay to act in abnormal fashion. Normally, this doesn’t phase us, but it really has gone to far. How much money are magazines willing to pay for a baby photo? Although I could say this is just as much a reporters fault as it is the celebrities, I won’t, because the celebs should really learn not to auction off their picture perfect family photo album.

Maddie: 1 million

Honor: 1.5 million

Aside from the fact that it’s just outright ridiculous, let’s walk a couple years into the future and act like we think about these kids even for a second. I can picture the whole fight going down. “I was worth 10 million at two days old.” And the of course the retaliation, “I was worth 10.5.” And there you have it, while Apple and Moses double team Shiloh, there’s Harlow in the corner because she was only worth one.

Harlow: 1 million

Not only are these sons and daughters going to be burdened by their worth, their names will manage to haunt them as well. Honor? Moses? Come on. I can picture all the kids taunting Apple with fruit in the cafeteria as Coco sits next to her with requests for hot chocolate. Make it stop! Please, for the sake of your kids. It’s depression waiting to happen.

Shiloh: 4.1 million (twins are set for 11 million)