Look at all that Beyonkey Donkey poured into a breathtaking Thierry Mugler original. It’s like a bucket of KFC original but tastier and much more greasy. Oh to be the Spanx huggin all 32′-24′-36′ of that jelly. Beyonce taunts we the fashion elite on the set of her tour promo shoot in a Mugler one of a kind that is clearly NOT House of Dereon, Mama Tina gon’ kill her a few stylists before lunch. I don’t know if you all remember, but Mugler has designed all the costumes and pieces for Beyonce’s new world tour, including that of her dancers and band. I don’t know how much that costs but let’s just say to pay for it, I’m sure Sasha Fierce is gonna have to shake that monkey until it shatters and falls to pieces. If this is just a taste of what Mugler has designed for B’s new tour, clearly I’m going to need a wet nurse and a fresh pack of Depends cuz I’ll be soiling myself with sheer delightz. Actually, I’m soiling myself right now and you all have been a part of it………….and that just makes is that much more special Indiez. Now pass me a baby wipe……..thank ya dear.

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Warning: HSN products cause nausea, scabies, the cancers, the crazies and a big ol booty. Click at your own risk – Tina Knowles HSN collection

I lovez you Tina!

Indies, in case none of you received the note I sent via carrier pigeon, I personally have a crush on Mrs. Tina Knowles *singing Here’s to you Mrs Robinson/Jesus loves you more than you will know*. Hot old chicks rock! However, anytime anyone starts peddlin’ wares on HSN, my spidey sense starts tingling and I get a huge rash on my butt the shape of Texas. We all know that the whole House of Dereon thing hasn’t gone so well since most of what they’ve put out can only be worn on stage ‘Survivin’ with Destiny’s Child or pattin yo weave on the set of Single Ladies. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still drank Beyonce’s bathin’ water after a rough and sweaty world tour but Dereon wasn’t what I thought it would be………………or actually it’s exactly what I thought it would be *sad face/disappointment in life*.

Everything’s just so random and the word “cohesive” is like a child no one wanted but no one had the courage to get rid of so they just ignore it. I stang by how yummi Tina Knowles make me feel on the inside part but it’s time to put this project sleep in the sweet rest of Jesus and euthanasia. Of course, I am talking about HSN and that’s where fashion is murdered slowly along with your salary. Which brings me to my 2nd point, I’ll be starting an HSN rehabilitation group soon……..not for me, for you………really………..don’t judge Z’maji!

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Beyonce is peddlin’ dresses for House of Dereon, but all I saw was caramel colored ‘thank ya Jesus’, packed into chiffon. I know many people have their reservations about Beyonkey Donkey and her maternal unit’s ideas about fashion but if these ads are any indication of what’s to come, I’d say we should get something that you could at least wear to a formal hoe-down or a pig sloppin’. OH-Paaaaa, I kid. Honestly, the two pieces presented in the ad are quite lovely and Dereon definitely has some restitution to perform for past offenses that shall remain nameless *cough* polyester nightie dress with lace trim *cough*

I still say that we should give ol’ McJiggleYums a chance………………..ahhhhh, JiggleYums *gurgling & incoherent*

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

Somebody please give this girl a clue. I’ve got nothing against Bey’s little sis; I’m even feeling her new retro-inspired video for “I Decided”. But it seems everywhere I turn, Solange Knowles is committing some serious crimes of fashion. Her wardrobe choices of late lack a natural, spontaneous quality and generally don’t do her much justice. Something is always off kilter, whether it’s disproportionate, ill fitting, overwhelming or just doesn’t make sense. Either she’s trying too hard or not hard enough, and the poor thing just can’t seem to get it right. Here are some words of wisdom I think will ensure that her attempts at looking stylish/edgy/like you give a damn garners cheers, not jeers:

1. Check your stylist’s credentials before you pay her to send you down the red carpet in some repugnant, inexplicable getup.

2. Don’t take fashion advice from big sis. House of Dereon, anyone?

3. Get a 360-degree mirror a la What Not To Wear; you can’t go wrong.

4. Give the curly weaves a rest. It looks as feigned as your sense of style.

5. Understand that just because something doesn’t match it doesn’t mean it goes. And just because something matches doesn’t mean it goes.

Everyone seems to be freaking the fuck out about these snaps from the House of Dereon’s new kids collection. Apparently someone doesn’t think “fuck me” pumps and five year olds mix. Personally, I don’t think this message is to far off from the one we’ve been promoting on the Disney Channel or in tabloid media. Women are discovering at a much younger age the need to be “sexualized”. Yes, it is disgusting, but like the Miley Cyrus backlash, this is just another attempt to place blame in the wrong direction. Should you be pissed at Beyonce’s momma for hawking this shit, or at the idiots who buy it for their kids?

Personally, while I do think the collection is extremely tacky, I don’t see anything wrong with heels on little girls. What girl or boy hasn’t attempted to walk in their mom’s heels (It was once, I was 6, and had it not been caught on tape it probably wouldn’t have been as big as a deal as it has become. Especially, love it when Mama Saynt shows it to my prospective love interests. Nothing says question your boyfriend’s sexuality faster than a video of him strutting in stilletoes. Thanks mom.)? Regardless, I think it’s weird to see girls at such a young age in heels, skinny jeans, and make-up, but isn’t this how children are displayed on shows like The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Hanna Montana, and High School Musical?

Where should we draw the line when it comes to decency amongst children? Oh, yeah at home. If you don’t want your kids looking like tramps, don’t buy it, but quit being such a mom blogger and freaking out about it on the web, it’s annoying and know one cares about you flipping opinion.

Yeah, this seems bad, but it could be a lot, lot worse..

Apple Bottoms for babies?