All Entries Tagged With: "Jersey"

How to Look Middle America: Carry Vera Bradley

There are two things I don’t want to see on my walk to work after a night of partying: a.) tequila and b.) Vera Bradley bags. But I think B has the power to make me sicker than A. I’m not sure where the craze of carrying quilts as handbags originated, but I know the MidWest is the sole place I’ve seen it this year. I notice them sitting on the bar, propped on the seat next to me in class and in the mall used as diaper bags. I would feel better carrying bottles and baby wipes in a colostomy bag to avoid toting that quilted monstrosity. To make matters worse, the cost of these “purses” range from $50 for a tote to $130 for a garment bag. I could make something more attractive for a lot less by picking textile scraps off the floor at JoAnn Fabrics. Talk about a crazy bag lady.

Fashion Fucks: Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps is one half fish/ one half late 90’s Jersey doucher. I didn’t even know this kind of dress was allowed outside of Hoboken. Come on Mike, you couldn’t just keep the Ralph Lauren outfit on?

How To Look Jersey: Own A Legit Muscle Shirt

Finally Bape has made something for meat heads. This is the single worst tee shirt of all time. Seriously if you have such tough guy syndrome that you need this shirt you have some serious problems. All i can picture when I see this shirt is popped collars, too much cologne, pierced ears, Abercrombie & Fitch and spiked hair that is shaved on the sides. Thank you Satchel of Gravel for bringing this shirt to my attention.

P.s.- Those are some of the most realistic nipples I have ever seen on a tee shirt.

How to Look Jersey: Rock Horrid Facial Hair

Nothing says Jersey more than poorly planned facial hair.

Nothing says terrifying sexual predator from Jersey more than poorly planned facial hair in the shape of a vagina.

Image Source: Buzzfeed.