Really, Gucci Mane, REALLY? The absolute best idea you could muster for a face tattoo is a talking ice cream cone that shoots out lightening bolts? Fail.

Sigh. Tattoos of faces are always ugly, even when it's Eminem's daughter Hailie. Is it just me, or do the teeth always look crazy?

Classic example of why it's a bad idea to tattoo your significant other permanently on your body. When Jermaine went for a near life-size portrait of then boo the Virgin Janet, I guess he had no doubts about ever leaving her side. Without a laser, she won't leave his either.

We know you love your baby mama Mariah, and a small tribute to her Miminess would have sufficed. I would be very annoyed if I was her and had to look at this every day.

Kurt Cobain and Elvis - brothers for life? Mr. Limp Bizkit thinks so if he dared brand himself with a tat so offensive. My stuff is going limp just looking at this mess.

The face tattoo to end all face tattoos, Mike Tyson's tribal tribute is the ultimate flunk. *Wondering how Mike Tyson fits into the musician category? He starred with Wayne Brady in a video remake of Bobby Brown's "Every Little Step" awhile back.

Is Birdman expecting a helicopter to land on his scalp? If so, I get it.

Who told Jamie Foxx this was a good idea? I just... can't.

If Avril weren't such a wiener, maybe her "Fuck" tattoo wouldn't look so terrible.

Oh the tramp stamp, a surefire way to land yourself on the worst tattoos list. It's people like Cheryl who have forever ruined butterflies for me.

Maintaining a zen-like calm amidst a flurry of phone calls, text messages and BBMs, I was lucky enough to sit down with Unik and he was lucky enough to find time to eat. Turning 40 this Sunday, Unik revealed to me that among the things he’s learned is that with getting older, there’s no need to stress. “It doesn’t help anything.”

How he maintains that calm is a wonder, however. A highly in-demand promoter, Unik has worked for brands like Nike, Diesel, La Perla, Valentino, and Microsoft, while organizing events for the Sundance and Cannes Film Festivals as well as New York Fashion Week. But the subject closest to his heart is his home country of Haiti.

Born and raised in Port-au-Prince, Unik settled in America permanently in 1990 and immediately got to work. He parlayed his love of partying into a successful career and uses his high-profile contacts to help out his native land. For his 35th birthday, instead of gifts, he asked his friends to donate to any foundation that helped the children of his country. After raising $15,000, he decided to keep the tradition growing and the following year Edeyo was born.

Tonight, Unik once again gathers his celebrity pals to raise money for the children of Haiti and bring light to their cause. Naomi Campbell and her boyfriend Vladimir Doronin donated their custom Lotus for the event’s auction, which also includes two trips to the Caribbean. But when I asked Unik what the night’s  biggest surprise would be, he responded in his Unik Ernest manner: “Raising $100,000.”

Here’s hoping he gets his birthday wish.

Everyone and their post-partum depressed mother hovered on down to Chicago’s United Center for the filming of Surprise Oprah! A Farewell Spectacular — her two penultimate shows before the Apocalypse finale May 25th.

Oprah, through forced laughter: "Who the hell let you in here?"

Tom Hanks, noted maniac Tom Cruise, noted maniac Madonna, Dakota Fanning, Halle Berry, noted coma victim Katie Holmes, scissor sisters Queen Latifah and Rosie O’Donnell, the Pinkett-Smiths and BFFs Gayle King and Maria Shriver — who had a brave face put on for her last minute as her husband had just admitted that in addition to iron he was pumping the help — all showed up to “surprise” and pay tribute to their queen.

Sidebar: Oprah is omniscient, like all deities, so there was no pulling the wool over those bag-ridden eyes.

Madonna: "I can barely get my arms around you!"/ Oprah: "Keep trying."

Surprise performers included Beyoncé (who had to perform “Run the World (Girls)” twice at the behest of producers), Patti LaBelle and Josh Groban (“Over the Rainbow”), Stevie Wonder and Jamie Foxx (“Isn’t She Lovely,” and Stevie even wrote a new song for Oprah that will no doubt be adopted as our national anthem), as well as Kristin Chenoweth, Alicia Keys, Usher and another queen in her own right, Aretha Franklin, who took everyone to church with “Amazing Grace.”

Simon Cowell, openly bored.

Someone even let Stedman out of his cage to make a little speech!

And of course what tribute to Oprah would be complete without national treasure and global renaissance woman Dr. Maya Angelou? The 83-year-old offered up a poem to honor O. Luckily a box of tissues was on hand for each audience member, tucked knowingly under their seats.

Oprah clearly doesn’t fuck around and considering these were her second and third-to-last shows, I can only imagine what the final episode will  be: disaster.

Link Love: Us Weekly / Photos: Socialite Life

Oprah, through forced laughter: "Who the hell let you in here?"

CHICAGO, IL - MAY 17: Oprah Winfrey and Madonna attend Surprise Oprah! A Farewell Spectacular at the United Center on May 17, 2011 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Timothy Hiatt/FilmMagic)

Madonna: "I can barely get my arms around you!"/ Oprah: "Keep trying."

CHICAGO, IL - MAY 17: Simon Cowell, Jackie Evancho, Oprah, Will Smith, Usher and Tom Cruise attend Surprise Oprah! A Farewell Spectacular at the United Center on May 17, 2011 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Daniel Boczarski/Getty Images)

Simon Cowell, openly bored.

11:15pm  I love/miss/adore/admire Eminem!

10:00pm Prince and Paris Jackson on stage!

10:00pm Why weren’t we warned about this 3D action?

9:57pm Usher is HOT!!!

9:48pm Tribute to Micheal Jackson features a bunch of random famous singers…like Celion Dion!

9:46pm Taylor Swift sings…with Stevie Nixx

9:45pm Ryan Seacrest again?

9:34pm Why is Chris O’donnell still important?

9:32pm Best rock album goes to Green Day ’21st Century Breakdown’

9:20pm Robert Downey Jr announces Jamie Foxx ‘Blame it on the…

9:18pm Record of the year goes to Kings of Leon ‘Use Somebody’

9:10pm Best comedy album (whatever that means) goes to Steven Colbert

8:58pm Is there a cue that says ‘STAND and CLAP’?

8:56pm Up now Black Eyed Peas…it’s gonna be a good night!

8:55pm Once again hate Miley Cyrus!

8:45pm Best new artist goes to The Zac Brown Band…who are these hicks?

8:42pm Pink has taken up aerial acrobatics, was dipped in water, currently dripping onto the crowd.

8:40pm Seal announces Pink!

8:25pm Beyonce sings Alanis Morissett’s You Otta Know…Amazing!

8:18pm Lamest performance EVER!

8:14pm Who the hell are these people?

8:13pm What is J.Lo wearing?

8:11pm Single Ladies!

8:09pm Song of the year goes to: wait for it…Steve pulls out an ipad!

8:07pm Our host Steven Colbert!

8:06pm That was it? Boring!

Giorgio Armani Prive

8:00pm Lady Gag opens! Long platinum blond locks, very revealing green glitter bathing suit, giant bruise on right thigh! Double piano with Elton John.

7:51pm Rihanna looks WOW!!! Some form of white big bird big neck gown thing, apparently it’s Elie Saab!

7:44pm Ciara wore a lace Givenchy pant suit, pulls a Lady Gaga with her visible underwear.

7:42pm Sheryl Crow has a two year old, wore Bottega Veneta.

7:40pm Ke$ha is an idiot! Likes buying tacos, describes her style as garbage can chic!

7:33pm Beyonce had glitter highlights added to her weave.

7:32pm Taylor Swift is sparkly head to toe, in a teal off the shoulder gown.

7:30pm Nicole Kidman towers over everyone around her, wore a black Prada halter gown.

7:28pm I hate Miley Cyrus!!!

7:26pm Jaime Fox has two grown daughters…how old is he?

7:24pm Carrie Underwood is super cute, wearing a white A line gown.

7:20pm Pink: platinum blond mohawk, another mermaid gown.

7:15pm Jennifer Hudson: looks like her head is shaved besides her bangs and high pony tail. If the dress looks familiar, that is cuz it’s Victoria Beckham!

7:12pm Trendspark: purposeful shirt half tuck, loving this look!

7:10pm Keri Hilson nominated for best new artist, looks gorgeous in a long nude mermaid gown by Dolce & Gabbana

7:09pm Seacrest talks to the Fray, they are currently working on a new album.

7:03pm Black Eyed Peas talk to Seacrest, Fergie looks glowy, Josh joins on stage. Boy is he Hot!

7:02pm Heidi Klum looks amazing post baby!

7:00pm. Oh god. Tony Braxton has a half shaved head.

• Rihanna‘s cancels concert. [Neon Limelight]

• Ciara‘s duets with Chris Brown. [Rolling Stone]
• Madonna can’t have a baby[Reuters]
• The 3 year old baby’s 15 year old father speaks out against Madonna. [E!]
• Britney Spears. TERRIFIED. [Perez Hilton]
• Pink “if I were gay, do you really think I would have a problem coming out?” [Perez Hilton]
• Beyonce‘s “somebody’s getting fired.” [Perez Hilton]
• Roman Polanski. No longer a sex offender?!? [AP]
• Janet Jackson tittie is still making news. [L.A. Times]
• Amy Winehouse gets down with a mystery man. [The Daily Mail]
• According to Cloney, Rande Gerber didn’t fondle anyone. [TMZ]
• Nicolas Cage movie is causing causalties. [TMZ]
• “He almost lost it completely on The Soloist, so it’s little wonder he went nuts on Miley like that. I mean, people just don’t know how close to the edge he really was.” a “friend” on Jamie Foxx [E!]
• Robert Duvall against Walmart. [AP]
• Octomom gets sued. [TMZ]
• They tried to make him go to rehab but he said no, no, no says Dennis Rodman‘s rep. [E!]
• Jennifer Hudson is taking a break. [E!]
• Twilight and Slumdog Millionaire lead the MTV Movie Award nominations. Weird. [People]
• Diddy and Russell Brand hang out in Las Vegas. [RussellBrand.tv]
• Holly hearts Russell. “Russell and Holly were flirting with each other all night,” a source says. [E!]
• Paula Abdul releases something. [L.A. Times]
• Jessica Alba says her 11 month old daughter Honor Marie is “covered in lots of drool.” [People]
• Eminem = 20 Vicodin, Ambien, and Valium a day.  [People]
• Alexis Bledel says she is interested in doing a film in Spanish. [Wall Street Journal]
• Margaret Cho said, “I don’t think of her as plus-size. I just think of her as beautiful. I think people are going to fall in love with Brooke and the character Jane and realize that beauty comes in all sizes. That’s something we are trying to promote with the show. The idea of being plus-size is somewhat ridiculous, because most women are. I mean, I am, and most women are.” [CNN]
• “Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She’s an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.” – Shia LaBeouf is a momma’s boy. [Star]

LINKAGE: Rihanna Cancels “Comeback” Concert; Madonna’s Adoption Case Adjourned Indefinitely [Dirt Bag (After Dark)]